Republican candidates; Beauty pageant

Pat Macpherson, Pfc. Sandoval, Ashley Wells, Wisdom Quarterly (COMMENTARY); AP.org

Miss Oklahoma Olivia Jordan was crowned Miss USA during the 2015 beauty pageant in Baton Rouge, July 12, 2015. She deftly fielded the interview portion of the competition by saying the U.S. needs to improve race relations and beat out 50 other contestants (AP).

U.S. used to judge cabbages and babies. Who'll win this year? Miss Nevada Brittany McGowan, Miss Maryland Mame Adjei, Miss Rhode Island Anea Garcia, Miss Texas Ylianna Guerra, and Miss Oklahoma Olivia Jordan compete during the 2015 Miss USA beauty pageant (AP).

Who will win? Early returns say it's Fat Cat, Mr. Whiskers (Dan Piraro/bizarro.com)

File photo collage shows 2016 Republican presidential candidates who have officially declared their candidacy as of July 12, 2015. Top row, from left, [shoo in] former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush [of the Bush ruling dynasty], retired neurosurgeon [and black token candidate featured prominently in the collage by placing him first] Ben Carson, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, Texas U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz, [token female] former Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina, South Carolina U.S. Sen. Lindsey Graham, and former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee. Bottom row, from left, Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal, former New York Gov. George Pataki, Kentucky U.S. Sen. Rand Paul, former Texas Gov. Rick Perry, Florida U.S. Sen. Marco Rubio, former U.S. Sen. Rick Santorum, and real estate mogul [and possible neo Nazi] Donald Trump (AP).

Those filthy stupid Mexicans, except for some which I heard can be good... the Trumpenator

El Shorty a.k.a. Kingpin Joaquin Guzman (AP)

Hold the presses! This just in:

Narco-trafficker, cartel kingpin, and all-around mob boss Jack "The Shorty" Gustafson (Joaquin El Chapo Guzman) has "broken out" (i.e., been let out by corrupt officials who are paid off to give the cartel leader a chance to run free and be caught later as another payoff sees to it that the U.S. gets him extradited, imprisoned, and tortured) of a Mexican maximum security prison.

Scale of drug lord's tunnel escape is mind-blowing (newser.com)

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Get Shorty before he gets me!

While this is an almost entirely bad thing, there is a silver lining. For one thing, illegal drug prices in the U.S. are bound to go down as supply goes up and the economies of scale tilt prices in favor of the consumer. (So, my fellow Americans, let's stop buying and taking drugs).

Moreover, El Shorty is tweeting from his own twitter account, so of course the NSA, CIA, and NSC know exactly where he is and what he's up to -- and he's tweeting one man in particular: That's right, Donald Trump.

Is fraulein Taylor Swift a Nazi?

What he's tweeting is something like, "If you don't stop p*ssing me off, El Trump, you're going to get it!" Now, imagine a smoke-filled room of narcotraficante mobsters, and El Shorty saying to heaven, "Oh, won't someone relieve me of this neo Nazi!"

A mobster overhears and hoping to get a nice dispensation from the Boss (el jefe) flies to Florida and oh-no, hello, Mr. Trump, and goodbye.

They awoke to find "A World Gone Mad" (Tom Tomorrow/thismodernworld.com)

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Everybody into the pool! Why is the 2016 GOP field so big?

Republicans hate Democrats like it's   Bloods vs. Crips except no one told Boehner or Pelosi.

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Closet candidates crash party (LIH)

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Who yelled "everybody into the pool?"

After all the candidate announcements, after all the speculation about who'd go first and who's yet to jump in, one question remains in this summer BEFORE the election year: Why are so many Republicans running for president?

Surely, the soon-to-be-17 announced GOP candidates don't all think they will become president. But it's easy for a politician to get caught up in the hype and yell "cowabunga!" in a year when there's no incumbent seeking re-election and no Republican who seems to have an inside track to the nomination [other than the ultimate insider and rightwing media candidate Bush].

RepubliCrats (Tom Tomorrow/TMW)

Plus, it's easier than ever to make a credible run for president, thanks to the equalizing effects of social media and digital fundraising, and with looser federal rules in place on raising money. The apt question for an ambitious Republican this year seems to be: Well, why not?

With a tweet that "I'm in," [Koch Brothers' favorite] Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker added his name to the list on Monday [today]. Ohio Gov. John Kasich, and former Virginia Gov. Jim Gilmore are due to follow in coming weeks, bringing the total by summer's end to at least 17.

"Every now and then you have an election cycle that is defined by what can be best described as me-too-ism," says Mo Elleithee, executive director of Georgetown's Institute of Politics and Public Service and a onetime spokesman for Hillary Rodham Clinton's 2008 presidential campaign.

[This is strategic: The more candidates, the easier it is for one to rise to the top on the smallest of margins. So goodbye Rand Paul, hello preselected Bush]. More

What about me! You owe me this!

• WQ endorses Rand Paul, but we'll settle for his discredited father or Carly Fiorina, since it's just a figurehead position with no real power. See The Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy for explanation of there being no real power vested in the office for a person so eager to rule that s/he will do anything to get there. Only a person who does not want the job is qualified. So on the Democratic side, consider Bernie Sanders and vote Dr. Jill Stein.

Dawning of the Obvious: Confederate flag or gay marriage? (JenSorensen.com)