Pope tells Americans how they'll vote

I tell you what God wants, and you do what you're told, get it? Or you go to hell.

He's onto us, Don. I can't go against him. - Calm down, Rudy. He hates abortion more.

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Pope launches scathing attack on Donald AND Kamala in shock US election intervention

Attention! Pope salutes his foot soldiers in the Church of the Holy Roman Empire, Inc.

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I'm the pope, so "who am I to judge?"

Pope Francis has made a shock intervention in the US election as he launched a scathing attack on both Kamala Harris and Donald Trump. Speaking on a flight from Singapore to Rome, the current pope blasted Harris's pro-abortion stance and Trump's immigration policies.

He called abortion an "assassination" and labelled Trump's deportation plans a "grave" sin.

Questioning Pope's standing in the Church?

The pontiff then urged American Catholics to [choose evil but to] "choose the lesser evil" at the polls in November. [Third party good? Don't even dream about it.]

Without naming names, the Pope referred to the candidates' policies and genders [but not their ages or colors, Orange and Black]. "Not voting is ugly. It is not good. You must vote," he said.

"You must choose the lesser evil. Who is the lesser evil? That lady, or that gentleman? [Hmm, wait, who is he talking about?] I don't know [he admitted]."

• [Would the Catholic pope really tell Americans what to do? Well, the other popes (and yes, there are various ones, like the pope/patriarch of Eastern Orthodox Christianity and the Coptic Church.

The US it too gay. Tone it down like Rome does.

He added: "Whether it is the one who is chasing away migrants [the Orange one] or the one who that kills children [the Black one]. Both are against life."

The comments came after a 12-day tour of [Buddhist] Southeast Asia and Oceania [a region of the world made famous in 1984].

The original VIP target in his Pope Mobile

VP Harris has vowed to restore national abortion protections, while XP Trump plans to deport millions of immigrants.

American Catholics, numbering 52 million, are a crucial voter group in battleground states like Pennsylvania and Wisconsin.

I need to go kiss him on the head... - No, Joe!

Il Papa rarely weighs in on elections but has previously criticized Trump's anti-immigrant rhetoric, once saying Trump was "not Christian." [Goodness knows what he's said about a woman in the White House or a pro-abortionist who love gays, Zionist Jews, and American proxy-wars in Israel/Middle East and Ukraine/Russia.]

So I'm in, right? I'm for the Jews and reproductive rights and don't have kids. I'm a shoo in.

• More: Pope Francis launches scathing attack on Donald Trump and Kamala Harris in shock US election intervention
• Taylor "Nazi Barbie" Swift endorsement turns more voters from Kamala Harris-Tim Walz than it attracts: poll

COMMENTARY

Have you Americans even read this Book? This Book has all the answers on how to vote.

Maria, how will we vote? - You heard him, Chuy, he left us no choice. We must vote evil.

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I'm the Enforcer here to browbeat.

[In conclusion, all Catholics who disobey must say so in confession, and the parish priest will prepare a report to be sent to Rome and the Holy See marked "urgent, for Pope's eyes only!" who will then review it and tell God the names of those who disobeyed, and the Heavenly Father will take care of doling out penances, punishments, and perdition requests. At the very least, expect some limbo time. And don't try asking Mother Mary for intercession on this one. God's not going to fall for it this time.]

• Sami Quadri, Evening Standard via MSN, 9/14/24; I. Rony, Pfc. Sandoval, Ashley Wells, Seth Auberon (eds.), Wisdom Quarterly