"Surrounded by friends? It's in your genes," study finds

Maggie Fox, Health & Science Editor (edited by Cynthia Osterman, 1/26/09)

Women silhouetted at a party in a London bar, 12/6/04 file photo (Toby Melville/Reuters).

WASHINGTON (Reuters) – Are you a social butterfly, or do you prefer being at the edge of a group of friends? Either way, your genes and evolution may play a major role, U.S. researchers reported on Monday.

While it may come as no surprise that genes may help explain why some people have many friends and others have few, the researchers said, their findings go just a little farther than that.

"Some of the things we find are frankly bizarre," said Nicholas Christakis of Harvard University in Massachusetts, who helped conduct the study.

"We find that how interconnected your friends are depends on your genes. Some people have four friends who know each other and some people have four friends who don't know each other. Whether Dick and Harry know each other depends on Tom's genes," Christakis said in a telephone interview.

Christakis and colleague James Fowler of the University of California San Diego are best known for their studies that show obesity, smoking and happiness spread in networks.

For this study, they and Christopher Dawes of UCSD used national data that compared more than 1,000 identical and fraternal twins. Because twins share an environment, these studies are good for showing the impact that genes have on various things, because identical twins share all their genes while fraternal twins share just half.

"We found there appears to be a genetic tendency to introduce your friends to each other," Christakis said.

There could be good, evolutionary reasons for this. People in the middle of a social network could be privy to useful gossip, such as the location of food or good investment choices.

But they would also be at risk of catching germs from all sides -- in which case the advantage would lie in more cautious social behavior, they wrote in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

"It may be that natural selection is acting on not just things like whether or not we can resist the common cold, but also who it is that we are going to come into contact with," Fowler said in a statement. (Source)

• And if it's in our genes, it's in our karma (our "inheritance" from life to life). Ananda once said to the Buddha, "Half of the best life is based on friendship..."

Friends Power Up (this comic appear courtesy of nataliedee.com)

MORE FRIENDS: Buddhist Concept of Friendship

Sita Arunthavanathan (edited by WQ)

Some cynics groundlessly criticize Buddhism as a philosophy with supra-mundane ideals devoid of friendliness and love for living in this world.

But the Tripitaka (Three Divisions of the Buddha's Teachings) furnish us with ample evidence to the contrary. Notable gems prove that the Buddha considered living in friendship and harmony without disputes as important as human relationships based on love.

Metta, or "loving-kindness," envelopes much more than mere "love." Etymologically, the word means "of the nature of a friend" (mittassa sabhavo).

In other words, it means a spirit of friendliness based not only on love but on loving-kindness. In modern terms, the word "love" has hollow connotations. We're supposed to love everyone. But metta, from the perspective of its original sense, encapsulates all of the noble human feelings one person could shower on another.

Metta (loving-kindness), karuna (compassion), mudita (altruistic joy), and upekkha (equanimity) -- ennobling patterns of behavior known as the four Brahma Viharas or "Divine Abidings" here and now -- form the anchor of Buddhist friendliness and ethical conduct.

The spirit of harmony and friendship promoted by these covers a wider spectrum than love, which cynics suppose is lacking in Buddhism.

It is mentioned in the Samyutta Nikaya that Ananda once approached the Buddha and remarked,

"Half of the superior life of renunciation is based on friendship, companionship, and association with the good!"

The Buddha replied:

"Ananda, do not say so! Not half, but the entire life is established on good friendship, companionship, and wise association."

The friendly disposition among Buddhist monks and nuns towards one another was admirable. So much so that King Ajatasattu, who was not particularly well disposed towards Buddhism, remarked that "the monastics lived in unity talking to each other with mutual friendliness...mixing with each other like milk and water and seeing each other with pleasant eyes" (Fruits of Recluseship discourse, Digha Nikaya).

He went even further and said, "How nice it would be if my son, Udayabhadda, too could possess these friendly qualities!"

Again, in the Middle Length Sayings (Majjhima Nikaya), the Buddha questioned the Venerable Anuruddha about how the monks were getting along with each other. The venerable replied, "Lord, we have diverse bodies but assuredly only one mind."

Types of Friends
As far as Buddhists are concerned, the Teachings are full of examples to show that the guidance of good friends is essential for life both here and hereafter. The Buddha described two types of friends, the Kalyana Mitta (a good or spiritual friend) and Papa Mitta (an evil friend).

"Do not keep company with evil friends or those who are mean. Associate with good and bold friends" (Dhammapada).

Parents strive to instill in the minds of their children the noble advice conveyed by this stanza. The Buddha noted that it was better to lead a solitary life than to settle for companionship with the foolish.

The Discourse on Great Blessings (Mahamangala Sutra) enumerates 38 blessings to guide one on life's journey. It starts with avoiding the company of fools.

Friendship is a force that has no parallel. There is no other single power that can generate good qualities in a person so well as friendship with the wise. But after a certain age, children stop emulating their parents and start imitating their friends.

The Buddha's teaching regarding friendship is helped tremendously by absorbing the contents of the Advice to Householders discourse (Sigalovada Sutra). Sigala was a young teen who had very devout Buddhist parents but was himself indifferent to the Dharma. The Buddha explained to him how to distinguish the harmful from the helpful friend:

A foe in the guise of a friend (Papa Mitta) will:

• take your possessions
• render mere lip service
• flatter you
• give little expecting much in return
• associate with you for his or her own advantage
• try to gain favor by empty words and
• when the opportunity arises to help you, will make excuses expressing an inability to help.

An evil friend can also be recognized because s/he praises and approves your bad behavior, whereas your good deeds go unnoticed and unencouraged. That person praises you in your presence but speaks ill of you in your absence.

The Buddha further explained how a foe in the guise of a friend brings about one's ruin in four ways:

1. One is a ready companion in indulging in intoxicants, which give rise to heedlessness.
2. One is a ready companion in frequenting the streets at unseemly hours.
3. One is a ready companion in attending unprofitable shows.
4. One is a ready companion in gambling, which leads to one's downfall.

On the other hand, the Buddha points out to Sigala the four types of friends to be reckoned dear and warmhearted.

1. One who is a helpmate
2. One who does not change in happiness or sorrow
3. One who gives good counsel
4. One who sympathizes

A wise person, having understood these four kinds of friends, ought to associate and cherish them the way a mother cherishes her only son.

According to the Nettippakarana there are seven qualities by which you can judge a friend. That person should be:

1. pleasant and lovable
2. respectful
3. worthy of emulation
4. willing to engage in useful conversation
5. willing to tolerate words
6. willing to engage in profound talk and
7. not one to exhort groundlessly.

There is a tendency today to shun good advice and show resentment when faults are pointed out even by loving parents. Another stanza from the Dhammapada provides an excellent bit of advice:

"One who points out your mistakes, declares them weaknesses and condemns them, think of that person as one showing you a treasure. Associate with wise people of that nature."

We see that a real friend need not always be sweet and soft spoken, but rather someone who sometimes resorts to constructive criticism.

How to Win Friends
The Buddha explained how to win and keep friends. There are four prominent ways:

1. By being generous one can surely win friends.
2. By being courteous
3. By being benevolent and
4. By rejoicing in other's achievements, praising commendable acts and strong points.

The Buddha mentioned that if you keep talking of your friends' goodness, kindness, greatness, and so on, you are trying to deceive them. In dealing with friends, one's word should be as clean and level as one's actions and intentions.

According to one Rebirth Tale (Jataka Pali), striking up a friendship is one thing, whereas maintaining it is another. The Buddha gave great advice not only on making friends but also on making the bonds of friendship stronger. For example, one should not visit friends too often or overstay one's welcome.

This changes the friend into a foe. If your friend loses something, then you may be under a cloud. Visiting a friend too often inevitably leads to gossip, which involves one in a vortex of troubles. The Buddha says that it is equally bad not to visit friends enough. One should judge for oneself how often they should be visited, how long the stay, and so on.

The Buddha pointed out that a friendship deteriorates by the excessive asking of favors, especially when sought at the wrong time. If you ask a favor at all, it should not be unreasonable or too demanding. Asking for favors far too often makes one more of a pest than a friend.

Ruin
The Buddha explained that if one wants to bring about one's own ruin or downfall, one need only associate with unprofitable friends (Papa Mittas) such as

• gamblers
• libertines
• tipplers
• cheats
• swindlers or
• violent thugs.

The Buddhist commentarial tradition defines a "friend" in the following way:

"A friend is one whose association leads to spiritual profitability, protects you from evil that may befall you, and is inclined towards your welfare."

In this way, Buddhism points out the basic ingredients to foster healthy friendships, minimize friction and displeasure, promote goodwill and companionship, and ultimately bring about one's welfare here and spiritual progress leading to the realization of the supreme bliss of nirvana.

These notable facts show that the Buddha's admonition regarding how to choose suitable friends, win them, and keep them expounded thousands of years ago surpasses all the books of the 20th Century on the subject since the Buddhist concept of friendship remains a vibrant force through time.

• (Original, unedited essay appears on Dharmamemphis.com)