The death of dear children (sutra)

Wisdom Quarterly translation of Visakha Sutra, Inspired Utterances (Udana 8.8)

The Buddha fearless mudra (Saksit_s/flickr.com)

This have I heard. On one occasion the Buddha was staying near Sāvatthī at the Eastern Monastery, in the palace of Migāra's mother. 

A dear and beloved grandson of Visākhā, Migāra's mother, had died. So Visākhā went to visit the Buddha with hair and clothes wet [marks of mourning].

Grief stricken she went in the middle of the day, bowed, and sat down. The Buddha said to Migāra's mother:

"Visākhā, why have you come here with wet hair and clothes in the middle of the day?"

Going to the Buddha (Nevil Zaveri/flickr)

"My dear and beloved grandson has died," she explained.
 
"Visākhā, would you like to many children?"
 
"Yes, venerable sir, I would like to have as many children and grandchildren as there are people in [the city of] Sāvatthī."
 
"But how many people in Sāvatthī die in the course of a day?"
 
"Sometimes ten people die in Sāvatthī in the course of a day, sometimes nine... eight... seven... six... five... four... three... two... Sometimes just one person dies in Sāvatthī in the course of a day. Sāvatthī is never without people dying."
 
"Then, Visākhā, what do you think: Would you ever be free of wet clothes and hair?"

"No, venerable sir. Enough of my having so many children!"
 
"Visākhā, those who have 100 dear ones have 100 sufferings. Those who have 90 dear ones have 90 sufferings. Those who have 80... 70... 60... 50... 40... 30...20 ... ten... nine... eight... seven... six... five... four... three... two... Those who have one dear one have one suffering.

"Those who have no dear ones have no sufferings. They are free from sorrow, free from stain, free from lamentation, I tell you."
 

Blissful and blameless (health.com)

Realizing the significance, the Buddha exclaimed: "The sorrow, weeping, and many similar kinds of suffering exist in the world, exist dependent on something dear. They do not exist when there is nothing dear.

"Blissful and sorrowless are those for whom nothing in the world is anywhere perceived as dear. Therefore, one who aspires to attain the stainless and sorrowless (nirvana) should not seek to make anything anywhere in the world dear.

• More: MN 87; Psalms of the Nuns 3.5; 6.1.

Cold world? No, the warmest!

Wisdom Quarterly (COMMENTARY)

The Buddha, like all arhats, reclines into final bliss of nirvana (Saksit_s/flickr)

 

But how could anyone avoid becoming attached to dear things in the world? In fact, on reflection, nothing is dear except that we make it so.

 

The proof? Something is called "dear" only because it is dear to someone, not because of anything it intrinsically possesses. IF this were not so, THEN there would be no release from attachment to the dear.  No one would be freed from grasping and clinging or what we refer to as "attachment."

Of course, for most people this is not the problem. The problem the idea that anyone would recommend that we not be attached to things so dear as children, as relatives, as friends.

 

Most people, most of the time, ARE going to be attached. And rightly so. The Buddha promoted and persuaded multitudes to care for one another, to cultivate loving-kindness (metta, love, friendliness, warmth for others) and compassion (karuna, actively helping relieve the suffering of others).

 

But he went further. He taught that to be happy, one should also cultivate joyful-appreciation (mudita) and after all three of these are developed, equanimity (upekkha).

 

This is where people stop understanding. Equanimity is misinterpreted as "indifference." But it really means non-bias. That is, those three beautiful karmic impulses are sent to ALL without distinction. This is how the practice is brought to fulfillment, perfection, fruition. The goal is more than social. But it is social.

"Enlightened" society? Progressive but not enlightened.

The world will not be enlightened, societies will not be, not cities, towns, or villages. Individuals, pairs, small groups of practitioners see the light (nimitta), develop the eight attainments (absorptions), make their way skyward to the deva-worlds, or go beyond ALL suffering to the supreme goal of nirvana.

 

With us, with our attachments, we FEAR nirvana as cold "nothingness," as annihilation, as "emptiness," as oblivion. And we do not see it, we do not strive for it, we turn away toward the world and pat ourselves on the back for choosing the eternal bodhisattva path. The work of a "savior-martyr" is never done, for there are too many beings to save for it to ever be done. 

 

That is why the historical Buddha never spoke of anyone abandoning the goal in favor of becoming another Maitreya (Messiah). It is one sure way not to cultivate the path, not to develop the necessary factors to make the best use of a human life, which is to directly know-and-see the truth. Then one could really be useful, could raise a hand in fearless-mudra and allay the suffering of others.