The problem with lying (video)

Be honest in truth telling. They are not the same thing. The first attempts to approximate the second. It requires our best effort, and still we may get it wrong. But if we persist, we eventually will come upon right view (samma ditthi), the most crucial factor in winning enlightenment.

In this way truth telling is not mainly for the sake of others. For example, What if we could only tell the truth and not be silent? That is, What if we could not conceal misdeeds like the noble ones? The noble ones or arya are those who have entered on at a minimum the first stage of awakening.

Being only able to speak the truth, what would we DO? That is, what would our actions be? Our dedication to truth would guide our karma or actions -- bringing integrity to our words and deeds until right view brought us to full awakening. At least, this would be true if the twin factors of Shame and Moral Dread (Hiri and Ottappa) were present (https://tricycle.org/magazine/guardians-of-the-world/).

Not finding the right words is not the issue in truth telling. It is having the right heart. So even when telling the truth is difficult, embarrassing, humiliating, or intolerable, the most important thing is our karma.

For as many people already know, a person who would lie (break the fourth precept to abstain from all lying) would be willing to break any and every precept. Why? There is no harm the liar is incapable of.

The renunciant Siddhartha Gautama became the Buddha, "the Awakened One," because he completely gave up lying many lives before. He made honesty and truth telling a parami or "perfection."

But look at us, how we rely on lying for convenience at every turn. We think we're "polite," "nice," full of "idiot compassion." Consider how any "people pleaser" absolutely depends on lying. It's the ultimate social lubricant. Where is karma (intentional actions capable of generating a future consequence, good or bad).

If we had shame (normally a terrible thing) and moral dread about being found out, we wouldn't lie. We would not deceive. We would not cheat and harm others. We wouldn't DO it.

There's no shame in wanting what we want. There's often much shame in doing what we do to get what we want, however. "Must" we do? Even the obsessive-compulsive craver can avoid doing by asking for help. But pride stops us. In Buddhism a useful translation for pride might be atta-ditthi or "self-view," the certainty that there is a self we work for and must serve.

If there's no help to ask for, get out of there rather than believing that willpower can win the day. It will not. It cannot. It's not nearly strong enough.

Often our silence leads to secrets, and we're as sick as our secrets. What does the Buddha say? "Do not look long, do not look short." In that way we avert temptation rather than foolishly falling victim. There was no pride to be won by not giving in. We can be proud instead to know ourselves and our weaknesses and limitation.

We cannot always say "No." Know that. Say these words instead, "Let me think about it." Gain some space from the situation. That's a good reply to everything. It buys us time, it wins us distance, it displaces pressure onto the asker.

That asker does not assessing the situation to gain advantage. How can we deal with it in a kind, intelligent, and effective manner? We can also smile and say, "Let me think about that."

That makes a boundary not to be violated or rushed. If we are rushed anyway, we can say "No. I didn't have enough time to consider it." If worse comes to worse, we can say, "Sorry but no." The sorry weakens it and is likely to embolden the aggressor.

If need be, to be assertive, we might need to be displeasing sometimes. We're not the whole world's doormat. We need a strong sense of self, conventionally, to accomplish the goal of realizing right view, which is that all phenomenal things are impersonal, impermanent, and disappointing. And that being the case, it's time to let go.