The Doctor is in: Buddhist Therapy: Sex

The Doctor, like Lucy Brown (Peanuts), gives priceless advice on the cheap, Wisdom Quarterly

C'mon, Snoopy, speak up! Don't be like Charlie.

PATIENT (PAT): I like a woman but she drives me crazy and is trying to wrangle in a committed relationship. How do I keep it physical, not so emo or serious?

DOCTOR (DOC): Sounds like you've been listening to too much Jordan Peterson, Tom Leykis, and PUAs. Though I have to think that works, you actually have to do it.

PAT: Can't I "fake it till I make it"?

DOC: Yes, but you have to "fake" it convincingly.

PAT: She's told me she's done, and she's never done.

DOC: Might an actual relationship work?

PAT: P is for play. That's what P stands for. I just don't feel any hope of elevating myself in her company. She loves to play games. And not the fun kind, I feel I'm in danger of being manipulated.

DOC: From your point of view, what would it be so bad being "manipulated" by her if the upshot and outcome is shooting 'n coming?

PAT: It's a conversation I really want to dive deep into with you. Taking on Buddhist practices has situated me in a space of trying to establish spiritual integrity. I have a hard time weighing how to best conduct my advances romantically/sexually.

Enlightened advice is best.

DOC: One simple way to think of it, before our deep dive, is when in the world, heed the Buddha's enlightened advice. He did not say, "Have no relationships, sex, money, riches, or worldly assets." What he said was to conduct ourselves in an ethical (virtuous) manner so that going through these things does not become our ruin in the world or beyond.

PAT: But I want enlightenment, peace, freedom...

DOC: Yes. Then, when withdrawing from the world (on a retreat or in daily sitting meditation), practice intensively like a monastic. The moment you sit on the cushion, let go of everything. That's renunciation.

• ("Renunciation" or "voluntary simplification" is INNER letting go. What's the use of a rocket if we can't let go when we arrive where it brought us? What's the use of voluntary-poverty or freedom from things if we don't enjoy it? Our source of freedom becomes our burden. And in that way the world will not ruin your spirituality.)

Life advice: a simple story

Look how happy he is pontificating. But try to get him to practice what he preaches.

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India's way of letting go

DOC: There's a famous story to illustrate this. In India the fourth phase of life is letting go, withdrawing from the world to seek one's liberation from samsara (this endless game of wandering through rebirths) as a sannyasi ("renunciate wanderer"). A business-loving family man turns over his house and business to his sons and retires from the world. He goes around dressed up like Mahatma Gandhi, reading sacred texts, and engaging in philosophical discussions with friends, advising his sons on how to lead a successful household life, constantly asking about the family business. He keeps this up until they notice he hasn't let go of anything.

Sure, he signed over the house and other assets, but all he does is obsess about them. He's no sannyasi. He would have been better off letting go before he let go (given these burdens up internally before letting go of them externally) then how much simpler and more fruitful his spirituality would be!

Dandavats.com: New Russian sannyasi! (ISKCON photo album (Facebook.com)