On Rosh Hashanah Sunday, someone asked a poignant question: She
wondered what to do. Yom Kippur is coming, Judaism's holiest of days of
atonement and repentance. But she’s not ready to forgive, not at all.
Her
fear about facing this day without doing what is required reminded me
of being a young girl and wondering if the God would inscribe me in the
symbolic “Book of Life” and allow me to live another year.
My family was not observant, so I only thought about God
occasionally. I figured this God didn’t have time to think of me too often,
either, which was a relief. Being a little girl, I hadn’t done anything
worse than fight with my siblings or steal candy, so I reckoned I’d get
to live.
During the "high holidays" observant Jews do the difficult
psychological work of self-examination and spiritual change: asking for
forgiveness, resolving not to repeat mistakes, wiping the slate clean of
grudges and resentments to begin a fresh new year.
God doesn’t sort out
personal relationships; we humans have to do that -- to apologize for
hurting others, forgiving those who ask -- so that we can bear to sit
with ourselves in loving awareness meditation without having that body
cringe of shame about who we are.
What if we aren’t ready to forgive? Forgiveness can’t be forced. We
can have compassion for all the suffering without condoning
unforgivable harms. We can have boundaries. It’s okay to protect ourselves
from seeing the person who harmed us, even if they’re a family
member.
We can ask for help, like the questioner on Sunday. And little
by little we leave behind whatever separates us from the joy of our own
aliveness. The book of life symbolizes our own aliveness here, the
sense of being present and awake. To live is our birthright -- to be at
home in our lives, to feel worthy and appreciative of the life that has
been given to us.
Love, Trudy Goodman
P.S. Insight LA recently recorded a bunch of new guided
meditations. They'll soon be available via the
website and social
channels in video and audio formats. This is a short
meditation on forgiveness: video or
AUDIO version.
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