Thich Nhat Hanh, my dad makes me suffer

Plum Village Online, Jan. 17, 2015; CC Liu, Crystal Quintero (eds.), Wisdom Quarterly

I've had it with this fatso. I never want to be like him! He makes me suffer. (The Simpsons)

Topics: mindfulness, Plum Village, family, children, kids, father, difficulties, change, breaking contact, relationship, interbeing, change yourself, acceptance, samsara, divorce.

Q&A with Thich Nhat Hanh

"Thay" answers questions on June 21, 2014. Question: "My father makes me suffer a lot. Should I keep seeing him?" Answer: Transform the "father" within, and the external father will become much easier to know how to interact with.

COMMENTS

But, Thay, the poor innocent child is in danger.

Gino Asci: Did everyone there miss the fact that the child said, “It has come to be almost dangerous, and I don’t want to go anymore”? Who is this child’s guardian, and why is this child allowed to be anywhere near anyone who could harm him? The word "danger" spoken by anyone is a clear sign that there is something seriously wrong. Is this child okay today?

I'm glad I did the inner work.

Florabelle Raindrops: He said that he does not need to be around him, but love the father inside of himself. For he (the young man) is his father. If he is not mindful, this child may internalize the father's anger and become like him. When he can transform and find peace within himself, when he is older and ready, dealing with his father will be much easier because he will deal with him from a place of [acceptance and] strength, healing, and self love, not need, lack, and anger. He heard the child's desire for the father to change. So if the child wants the relationship to EVER change, the child has to do the work within himself -- not on his father. Listen to what Thay is saying. Let's stop trying to transform our fathers on the outside. Let them be. And let's be the person we need to be to be healthy within ourselves. Depend on a support system, spiritually and physically. Accept things as they are. Thay gave advice that will last this child's life, not just for this moment and situation. This boy is a child [Thay knows, who has been going to Plum Village for more than a year]. We watch a short video and can't assume we know the whole situation. These people have been around this particular child for some time. They know him and said they are here for him. More