Cheating versus ending a relationship? (video)

Anonymous (quora.com, 10/26/20); Ashley Wells, Dhr. Seven, CC Liu (eds.), Wisdom Quarterly

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Why do people cheat in a relationship instead of just ending it first?

There could be several reasons for not ending things and cheating instead, assuming it’s a full blown love affair and not a one-off fling.

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The cheater in a relationship has fallen out of true love with the partner. (This is a given in any situation of serious infidelity). But the cheater may feel the need to stay in a relationship for any number of reasons, such as:

1. There are kids, and not wanting to mess them up or have them see them as less than a great parent.

2. Family. Although the cheater no longer really loves the spouse, the family dynamic is good and there are still nice times and the kids, so it’s comfortable to keep a sense of security for all.

3. Money or investments, like the home or cars. (This is huge if the marriage is a long one).

4. Guilt or obligation. The cheater knows s/he made a commitment and feels obligated to stay no matter what, even if he/she falls in love with the affair partner.

5. Relationships, mutual friends, extended family: A divorce or break up can strain other relationships, and the cheater may be afraid of impacting them and losing them as well if they are close ones.

6. The cheater may want his/her cake and eat it, too. (Once you eat a cake, you no longer have it, as it has disappeared from your plate -- an often misunderstood saying). The cheater gets emotional and sexual fulfillment (or at least short lived thrills) outside the relationship/marriage -- and by cheating in secret keeps the home comforts within the relationship as well, thereby cheating the old saying.

7. The cheater is a coward (another given in any affair situation).

8. The cheater is afraid to tell the partner/spouse that s/he no longer loves him/her, as that would mean having to deal with the situation that may follow.

9. The cheater doesn’t care enough to do anything about it and is afraid if he/she comes clean about any dissatisfaction in the relationship, s/he will have to work to fix it and is afraid of what that will reveal.

10. The cheater is afraid to face up to his/her own inadequacies that contributed to the issues in the relationship or marriage.

11. The cheater is afraid if s/he comes clean with her/his true feelings, the relationship or marriage will end and s/he will lose the security, house, kids, or privileges it provided.

12. The cheater is testing the waters. He/she wants to see if there is something better before taking a leap -- like a frog who does not want to spend any in-between time in the water so waits for another lily pad to come by before jumping ship on. It's not easy to face the finality of making a move, or bobbing in single-dating land. So instead one looks for an exit affair to make the leap.

13. In a one-off situation, a brief sexual fling, it is typically centered around the cheater's needs for her/himself for things such as:

• 

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  ego boost
• attention grabbing
• sex addiction
• trading sex for love
• mid-life crisis
• something different one can’t get in his/her relationship or marriage.

Often these issues can be addressed and resolved with extensive counseling and both partners working hard to come together and get through it, as there is typically still some love felt for the partner to build upon. These are not affairs of the heart.

14. Other more serious affairs, like long term ones, are hopeless. Only a fool would bother to try to repair things after one of those. The cheater typically cheats again, and who would want someone who gave her/his heart away to someone else? If it was long term, it’s pretty much guaranteed to fail. More

• Why do people cheat in a relationship when they can leave the first person and go to the second?
• Why have an affair? Why not leave your partner instead? If you love your partner, why cheat?
• How can some cheaters stay in a long term relationship despite continuously cheating on their partners without any regret? Why do they stay in their relationship when they can’t be honest and faithful? Why don’t they just leave?
• Have you ever cheated? If yes, why, when, and how?
• Does cheating wife think about lover she cheated with?
• Why do people cheat on their lover? Why not just break up or just not be in a committed relationship?

Maybe there's no such thing as KARMA?

What the Buddha Taught (Ven. Rahula)

Maybe it'll never catch up with cheaters. What comes around doesn't have to go around, does it? Maybe they'll never have trouble finding or holding onto future relationships? Maybe there's no consequence, no being distrusted, not being listened to, not being believed? Maybe they'll never be cheated on, back stabbed, betrayed, abandoned, or hurt? It's possible. Anything's possible. But the historical Buddha was not called a "Buddhist." He was called a Karmavadin, "a teacher of the efficacy of karma (action)," a teacher who taught that what we do, say, and think bears fruit in a moral dimension, ripening in this and/or future lives. How does cheating, lying, betraying, and deceiving ripen? We reap what we sow, that is, harvest what we've planted. What a harvest that will be.