Christine Schoenwald, YourTango, 8/2/22; Ashley Wells, Dhr. Seven (eds.), Wisdom Quarterly
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| What, me lie with these pretty teeth? They'd be black and loose and in pain if I did. |
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| Crafty woman in black hat shielding her lying eyes (© photo: Vanja Delic/Shutterstock). |
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| We can't compete with their lies (MGK). |
"I'm fine." "That dress looks great on you." "Everything is going great."
As women, we ALL lie ALL the time — sometimes to other people, but more often to ourselves.
- Buddhism's Five Precepts encourage the determination to avoid lying or at least the stronger form of it referred to as "bearing false witness"
It's not that we're shady or bad people; it's more complicated than that. We often don't even know that we're lying. It's just [become] a part of our personality [by repeated practice to deceive].
Why do women lie?
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| Ha, ha, this a$$hole will never know! |
Sometimes, women don't tell the truth to protect someone else's feelings (aka the "little white lie" or idiotically-compassionate lies). We try to rationalize these lies and rename them as "fibs, saying they aren't hurting anyone and that it's the "kind" thing to do.
Susan Shapiro Barash -- a relationship expert and the author of Little White Lies, Deep Dark Secrets: The Truth About Why Women Lie -- says, "Women still feel the need to lie as a coping or survival mechanism."
Women lie so that don't have to process their own negative feelings, such as the woman with an abusive husband who lies to herself when he touches her so harshly that there are bruises: He didn't mean to hurt me; he's not a violent person.
"Sometimes these internal lies are even subconscious because the truth is just too painful to acknowledge, even to ourselves," added Barash.
Another type of lie is the "betterment lie" or the bread and butter of female lies. This is used to "better" things — or, as Barash clarifies: "It typically involves women doing what they feel they simply have to do for the people they love."
Barash also speaks about the "survival lie" (or the "soap opera lie"), which is used to keep a secret that's too big for honesty — a lie that a woman believes is necessary to protect her current living situation, such as the reason they were fired from a job or why a baby was conceived when her partner was out-of-town.
[It is said that 10% of children being raised are being raised by men who are not their biological fathers, and the women know it. Having cheated sexually, they are now doing the far more horrible thing of deceiving their partners about the paternity of these children. Men are being defrauded and paying for it because of lying women.]
She cheated on me and lied about it?!! (bing) - 10 lies [we think] your guy is telling you — what he's hiding
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I then said, 'Let me put it another way. How many of you would like to date an arrogant, flashy guy?' The hands went down. In fact, not a single woman raised her hand. I pointed this out, stating, 'Not one of you raised your hand and that's why you lie.'"
A study from the University of British Columbia found a wide gap between what a woman will admit to wanting in a partner and the type she actually picks. She might say she wants someone who makes her laugh and will then get involved with the bad boy down the street.
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On the other hand, there's no reason not to practice kindness, both on ourselves and other people.
If we like that dress and it makes us feel good, then go ahead and wear it [even if it looks like crap to other people]. Source YourTango via msn.com
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