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| They have sex! They're hypocrites, liars, deceiving the world for minimal gains. We knew it! |
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| It's hard not to stare when you're still only human. |
Buddhist monastics cannot live in complete isolation from laypeople, for their mutually supportive relationship is intrinsic to the monastic way of life.
However, it should never become an
intimate or sexual relationship, for that would go against the whole purpose of leaving behind the "family or household life" with its endless "closed in" complications [
43],
The "supreme life" (brahmacariya) is one that checks the display of any form of erotic desire through the actions, speech, and thoughts of a monastic. In fact, restraint from gross sexual misconduct is already part of the Five Precepts. [See Note 4].
The Eight Precepts as well as the Ten Precepts immediately refine this then the Monastic Disciplinary Code (Vinaya) manages it with even greater subtlety. One's Dharma life can then advance toward the letting go of all craving through development of the heart/mind through meditation (cultivation).
The most potent object for strong sexual craving, which the mind/heart is pining for and grasping after, is usually associated with the other sex. Therefore, many rules involve this relationship [
44].
Sexual intercourse
The first offense of the 227 listed major rules of the Rules Recitation (
Patimokkha) concerns a monastic engaging in sexual intercourse.
It is a hot issue, perhaps more today than before, going by the number of sex scandals that rock the Buddhist world in the East and West. Ven. Thiradhammo writes:
"While some of the guidelines may seem somewhat rigid or prudish, it is important to reflect upon the volatility and durability of rumor, even if untrue. The incessant sex-scandals in religious circles may provide a sufficient incentive to encourage the greatest measure of prevention and discretion" (HS, Chp.13).
The rule of celibacy (chastity) was originally laid down because of rich
Ven. Sudinna. He was the son of a rich merchant, who left home to become a wandering ascetic (Buddhist monastic) only after great opposition from his family. He went away to practice Dharma, and when he came back to visit, his parents were overjoyed to see him.
So they plotted to lure him back into the lay life again. They invited him for a meal then laid out their wealth in front of him, piled up in two huge heaps of gold, while the wife he had left behind dressed herself in her most irresistibly alluring way.
Ven. Sudinna remained unmoved by all of this. After telling them to throw the gold away in the river, he referred to his former wife as "sister."
Nevertheless, when his elderly mother pleaded with him at least to give them a grandson and heir, he foolishly gave in. He had sexual intercourse with his former wife.
This first defeat offense is summarized: "A monastic who engages in any form of sexual intercourse [penetration] is defeated" (
Parajika 1, BMC, p. 45).
Every form and variety of sexual intercourse with sexual penetration — be it genital, oral, or anal, whether with a female, male, or animal — is forbidden. The penalty is the heaviest one of
defeat (
parajika).
Intimacy — touching
The modern West is full of stories of sexual harassment. The ways the Buddha dealt with such matters should therefore not seem very strange.
If a monastic touches a person in a sexual way, one commits a very serious offense requiring formal meetings of the Monastic Community (
sangha) and
probation (
sangha-disesa).]
The scrupulous monastic wants to remain above suspicion so, if able, will avoid all physical contact.
Hence monk's and nun's attitude toward shaking hands is to avoid them. Or if one wishes to avoid offending, because it is a warm social custom, they are kept brief. This also explains why, at least in Thailand, a receiving cloth is used to receive offerings from females. (See EN 85).
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| Buddhist monks are not alone in this. Catholics. |
The rule was first set down by the Buddha after a Brahmin and his wife had gone to inspect Ven. Udayin's fine dwelling. [See
Udāyī (2).] As Ven. Udayin was showing them around, he came up behind the lady and "
rubbed up against her limb by limb."
After they had left the husband praised Ven. Udayin, but the wife was critical and explained what had happened. The Brahmin then complained, "Isn't it even possible to take one's wife to a monastery without her being molested?" This rule was then set down:
"Should any monastic overcome by lust, with altered mind, engage in bodily contact with a woman, or in holding her hand, holding a lock of her hair, or caressing any of her limbs, it entails initial and subsequent meetings of the Monastic Community" (Sanghadisesa 2, BMC, p. 100).
To be at fault the monastic must usually do some action to bring himself in contact with a female as lust overcomes his mind [
45]. If he accidentally stumbles and bumps into a female, or vice-versa, or if he is accosted by one, as long as there is no intention to come into lustful contact with her, there is no offense.
However, the average monastic's mind tends to be so quick and unruly — for one is, after all, still in training and therefore not yet enlightened — that one may prefer to be super-cautious about such situations.
If a monastic touches his mother out of affection, this is still an offense but the lesser one of
wrong-doing (
dukkata) [
46]. While gratitude to parents was strongly emphasized by the Buddha, the monastic having left the home-life and family should not cling to worldly relationships.
The only true way to fulfill one's filial obligations is by gaining insight into the Dharma and then teaching one's parents.
If a monastic is acting with lustful intentions, one incurs a grave (
thullaccaya) offense for making bodily contact with a
pandaka ("
sex-aberrant") [homosexual, deviant, per
vert, transgender, transsexual, prostitute, or eunuch] and an offense of wrong-doing for sexual contact with a male. (See BMC, p. 103).
The previous rules dealt with the monastic's physical actions. The next two rules are offenses — again of the very serious category — that concern his wrong speech towards females.
Flirting
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| Are you still a monk? - That was just temporary. |
This rule came into being when many female visitors came together to look over Ven. Udayin's dwelling. He spoke to them in a lewd, flirtatious way so that some of them said, "It is improper. Even from our husbands we wouldn't like to hear this sort of thing." Therefore, the Buddha laid down this rule:
"Should any monastic, overcome by lust, with altered mind, address lewd words to a female in the manner of young men to a young woman alluding to sexual intercourse, it entails initial and subsequent meetings of the Monastic Community" (Sangh. 3, BMC, p. 110).
Propositioning
The following rule is very relevant today when some misguidedly believe that submitting to sex with spiritual teachers can help in their spiritual development.
Again, it was originally a lustful Ven. Udayin who was the cause of this offense. This time, he suggested to a beautiful and devout female follower that she make a "special offering" to him, that of sexual intercourse. The Buddha then set forth this rule:
"Telling a female that she would benefit from having sexual intercourse with oneself is [an offense requiring initial and subsequent meetings of the Monastic Community]." (Summary [
47] Sangh. 4, BMC, p. 117).
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