Showing posts sorted by relevance for query sex. Sort by date Show all posts
Showing posts sorted by relevance for query sex. Sort by date Show all posts

Sunday, April 8, 2018

How to talk to teens about SEX

Ashley Wells, Sheldon S., Crystal Quintero (eds.), Wisdom Quarterly
When my parents told me to sit down, I thought I was in trouble. Then when they said, "We want to talk to you about sex," I was relieved and answered, "Sure, what do you guys want to know?" thinking they had to know that I knew more about it than they did. They shamed me and got me in trouble. We never talked about it again. :/
 
Parent-child communication: Promoting safety (Advocates for Youth) In a recent study, teens who benefited from perceived from parental guidance and who reportedly had a “good talk” with parents in the last year about sex, birth control, and the dangers of STDs were two times more likely to use condoms at the last time they had sex than teens who did not talk to their parents as often.
 
Tips for Talking to Kids About Sex (Planned Parenthood) Research tells us that kids and teens who have regular conversations with their parents and caregivers about sex and relationships are less likely to take risks with... The most important thing is to make it really clear to your kid that they can ask you questions or come to you for support without fear of shame or judgment [or you freaking out like a jackass who hasn't dealt with his/her own issues around sex].
 
Why parents should have the "Sex Talk" with their children (well.blogs.nytimes.com) It's not a one-time chat, Dr. Guilamo-Ramos says. “Talk to your child on a regular basis.” Take on the tough topics, like pleasure, birth control, and sexual orientation. Pay attention to teens. Teens in intense romantic relationships are more likely to have sex, especially if... 
 
Teen Sex Ed: Instead of promoting promiscuity, it delays first sex... (healthland.time.com) Utah lawmakers gave a nod to what could become the nation's most restrictive sex-education policy if it passes: no talk of contraception and no mention of homosexuality. No mention of much, in fact, besides an emphasis on abstinence before marriage, if that. 
 
Contraceptive Decision-Making in Sexual Relationships: Young... (ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc) In one scenario participants were asked to comment on a situation where they were having sex with a female for the first time without condoms and the female partner asked them about using a condom. In another scenario participants were asked how they would handle a situation where their girlfriend did not want to use...

What Do You Do If You Discover Your Daughter is Having Sex? (tolovehonorandvacuum.com) If your child has been having sex at someone else's house, then they're not allowed to go that house anymore. If they've been having sex...I'd talk to the parents and tell them that you have a rule that they cannot be alone in the house, and you would ask the parents to support that rule. If you feel as if they...

This Is What Sex-Positive Parenting Really Looks Like (HuffingtonPost.com) A lot. It's fascinating to them. And when you're a small child, you have no sense of shame or disgust or fear of your body. Your body is what it is. ...That doesn't mean I talk with my 4-year-olds about how great sex is and how good it feels. ...And when they're older, we'll start talking about contraception.
 
When Sex and Dating are the Same (childtrends.org) A percentage of female adolescents who report they have ever had sex. Yet when it comes to contraceptive use, research tells a different story: one of racial and ethnic disparities. In particular, young ... We drew on results from these same focus groups and interviews to develop a second brief, titled Let's (Not) Talk About. Sex:...
 
Carnal Knowledge: The Sex Ed Debate (Health: Children's health, nbcnews.com) Soaring rates of sexually transmitted diseases among teens are adding urgency to the debate over sex education. Conservatives claim the alarming statistics illustrate why a...

Monday, March 26, 2018

I'm a female SEX AND PORN ADDICT (audio)

Erica Garza on "Latino USAEpisode #1812) NPR via SCPR.org, Simon and Schuster Publishers; Crystal Quintero, CC Liu, Dhr. Seven (eds.), Wisdom Quarterly
They call me Blanca ("White"), a Hispanic from L.A., and a sex- and porn-addict.
Princesses? We're victims of a cruel SS false flag operation, so stop staring at our butts.

I'm in recovery, so I wrote this memoir.
Los Angeles sex addict Erica Garza (who made it back from the brothels of Buddhist Bangkok, Thailand), author of Getting Off: One Woman's Journey Through Sex and Porn Addiction, talks about her complex and often destructive relationship with sex.
This book is a courageous account of one woman’s unflinching and ultimately hopeful journey through sex and porn addiction.

A fixation on porn and orgasm, strings of failed relationships, and serial hook-ups with strangers, inevitable blackouts [from the abuse of intoxicants] to blunt the shame -- these are not things we often hear women share publicly.

But Erica Garza brings them with candor, eloquence, and introspection in Getting Off.
It all started with...[Roman Catholic] shame.
What sets this account apart from a typical memoir is the absence of any [memory of a] precipitating trauma.
 
There was nothing beyond the garden variety of hurt we’ve all endured in simply becoming a person -- reckoning with family, learning to be social, integrating what it means to be sexual.
 
Lana Del Rey can sing the soundtrack.
Whatever violence or abuse Erica Garza’s life took on through sex addicted behavior was of her own making -- fueled by guilt, fear, loneliness, self-pity, self-loathing, and the hopelessness these feelings bring on.
 
Yes, girls watch porn and get addicted.
It happens as she runs from one side of the world to the other in an effort to break her habits -- gong from East Los Angeles to Buddhist Southeast Asia, through the brothels of Bangkok and the yoga studios of Bali, to disappointing stabs at therapy and 12-step programs back home in the USA. 
It sucks, it sucks bitter b*lls to be an addict.
In these remarkable pages she draws an evocative, studied portrait of the anxiety that fuels her obsessions, as well as the exhilaration and hope she begins to feel when she suspects she might be free of them.
 
Yet, there is no false or prepackaged sense of redemption here. Even her relationship with the man she will ultimately marry seems credibly, painfully rocky as it finds its legs with several false starts.
 
[The Buddha was right about sex]
Her increasing sense of self-acceptance and peace by journey’s end feels utterly earned and free of recovery platitudes.

In exploring American and Mexican-American cultural taboos surrounding sex and porn from a female perspective, she offers a brave and necessary voice to our evolving conversations about addiction and the impact of Internet culture. Look Inside the Book

Speak up. I landed on my feet. It pays to be light-skinned (colorism) for any race.
Refuge Recovery: 12 Steps without "God" as a Higher Power: Against the Stream
Also on the audio: Priscilla Villarreal, who calls herself “Lagordiloca,” has become a highly controversial social media sensation in the North American border city of Laredo, Texas. Each night Lagordiloca drives through the streets of Laredo chasing and live-streaming violent crime scenes, accidents, and immigration raids. Latino USA goes on a ride-along with Lagordiloca. Plus La Chamba talks about their cover of 1979 classic chicha song, “CariƱito.”

Saturday, August 26, 2017

Make love, not war: Science of [Oral] Sex

Emma-Louise Pritchard (esquire.com/Cosmo UK); Ashley Wells (ed.), Wisdom Quarterly
A real woman paid model having a, ummm, spasm (Getty Images/esquire.com)
    .
    I was a victim of sexual abuse.
    TRIGGER WARNING: Frank discussion of adult consensual sex! Wisdom Quarterly is sex-positive. Craving and clinging to sex, the idea of sex, and/or the five strands of sensuality is an obstacle to success in meditation and insight and a danger to morality/virtue, making it difficult to uphold the Five Precepts. Yet, sex itself is a human pastime. The Human Plane (Manussya Loka) is a collection of worlds in the Sensual Realm (Kama Loka). Sex, healthy sex, is not the same as craving, grasping, clinging, or obsession with sensuality, which is certainly an obstacle. For those who aspire not to enlightenment and nirvana -- wisdom and liberation from all suffering -- in this very life but to a fortunate rebirth, even rebirth in celestial/heavenly worlds (Deva Loka) below the Brahma Lokas, if the Five Precepts are maintained, avoiding "sexual misconduct" (kamesu micchacara), sex need not be an obstacle to a good Buddhist life. Avoid harm.
      Is casual sex bad for you? A scientist explains at a TEDx Talk, College of Wm. & Mary
        
      Porn abuse leads to erectile dysfunction.
      Apparently, the reason women like to give oral sex is [allegedly, according to scientific speculation] because swallowing a man's semen can help a woman's body become accustomed to his DNA. This, in turn, helps the woman during pregnancy because her body will not see the fertilized semen as "foreign," which could lead to pregnancy disorders.

      As to why men like to give oral sex, the findings revealed a seemingly shallower intention: to stop the woman from cheating. Yes, the [scientific] study suggests that the more oral sex a woman received, the less likely she is to cheat. All very sexy, isn't it?

      Friday, September 15, 2017

      The Center for Healthy Sex (video)

      CenterForHealthySex.com; Crystal Quintero, Seth Auberon, A. Wells (eds.), Wisdom Quarterly

      Loveline II: Dr. Drew and Right Wing Mike have a daily AM show
      .
      The Center for Healthy Sex (CHS) is a certified team of dedicated professionals [that frequently appear on the Dr. Drew and Rudy Cisneros/Mike Catherwood Show, KABC 790 AM noon to 3:00 pm on L.A. radio] specializing in sex addiction treatment and sex therapy.
       
      These sex therapists have over 14 years of experience treating issues such as sexual dysfunction [e.g. ED or erectile dysfunction], porn addiction, love addiction, and sex addiction in Los Angeles.
       
      Catherwood, ICP, Dr. Drew, Violent Jay
      They provide both individual and couple therapy. They have helped people from all walks of life: youthful and mature, males and females, and people from various backgrounds. They respect all races, religions, sexual preferences, and orientations.
       
      Pompeii: Uh, this is so embarrassing.
      If a friend of a friend can benefit from sex therapy in Los Angeles, please contact the Center for Healthy Sex today. Or complete a confidential contact request form. Or call (310) 843-9902.
       
      The initial consultation is FREE. The Center can help a person establish a healthy sexual relationship with oneself and/or one's partner. More

      UPCOMING INTENSIVES
      American Journal of PlaySee the latest article by Center for Healthy Sex Clinical Director Alex Katehakis in the latest issue of The American Journal of Play. Read the article by clicking here!

      The Center for Healthy Sex Clinical Director Alex Katehakis speaks on the topic of "grown-up sex" with Tami Simon of the "Insights at the Edge" podcast from Sounds True! Listen online by clicking here, or find the podcast on iTunes by clicking here.
       
      Four books by Alexandra Katehakis:
      1. Sex Addiction as Affect Dysregulation: A Neurobiologically Informed Holistic Treatment
      2. Mirror of Intimacy: Daily Reflections on Emotional and Erotic Intelligence
      3. Erotic Intelligence: Igniting Hot, Healthy Sex While in Recovery from Sex Addiction
      4. Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts

      Friday, June 10, 2011

      Key to better Sex revealed in new study

      Jennifer Welsh (LiveScience.com, June 9, 2011), Wisdom Quarterly commentary
      Spiritual sex: beyond the physical (Dr. Linda E. Savage, AlternativeApproaches.com)

      People who can better communicate and understand another person's emotions are more likely to have a satisfying sex life, new research finds.

      Personal attributes such as self-esteem and autonomy also play a role in sexual pleasure and health, the researchers said.

      "Sexual health includes sexual well-being, and sexual enjoyment is an important part [of that]," said study researcher Adena Galinsky, of Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health.

      YodPod, the sun kissed hippie "Source" cult (Guruphiliac)

      "How people interact and their ability to listen to each other and take each other's perspective can really influence the sex that they have." [Top 10 Aphrodisiacs]

      The study analyzed data from about 3,200 students, ages 18 to 26, who were surveyed between 2001 and 2002 as part of the third wave of the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health.

      Studying sexual satisfaction
      Respondents answered questions meant to gauge levels of autonomy, self-esteem and empathy, along with their sexual health and satisfaction. Autonomy is defined as the strength to follow personal convictions even when they go against conventional wisdom, which usually increases as adolescents age and enter adulthood, Galinsky said.

      Communication, empathy are keys to improving sex

      Self-esteem is a belief in one's self-worth, which also increases with age. Empathy is the ability to take another's perspective, to see things from their angle and understand and respond to their emotions.

      The study found that men were more likely than women to report having orgasms most or all of the time during sex, with 87 percent of men saying so, compared with 47 percent of women in the study. Men were also more likely to enjoy giving oral sex to their partner more than women were, the study found.

      "The reality is that the majority of young men really like engaging in activities in which the goal is giving their partner pleasure," Galinsky told LiveScience. "There is a pretty consistent difference between young men and young women." More
      Yogi with a Tantrika. Tantra was a Hindu practice adopted into some manifestations of Mahayana Buddhism with the idea of using the world to transcend the world, overriding the supremely enlightened historical Buddha's guidance (lawrencelanoff.com).

      Can Sex Really Be "Enlightening"?
      Wisdom Quarterly (COMMENTARY)
      No, sex cannot not lead to literal enlightenment. In fact, sex (as representative of the bond of sensual desire and craving are the precise impediment the Buddha found to liberation from all bonds.

      It is not the Buddha alone who discovered this. Everyone who reaches stream entry, the first stage of enlightenment, finds the same thing. This path is verifiable. Nirvana is experiential.

      For all that, the vast majority are not on a direct path, are not fully dedicated to the goal of making an end of all suffering. And the rest of fear liberation and put it off because we think seriously setting off on the path means no more sex.

      There is sex. And it can accompany us. Most people will attain as householders. The direct path is abandoning the burdensome household life, and that means taking up spiritual practices that increase one's chances of reaching distinction in meditation in this very life. If craving is an obstacle, pretending one can use sex to reach enlightenment is a frustrating delusion.

      Since most of us will be householders and still wish to advance, still wish to have sex (and more of it and better versions of it), we can certainly practice more "enlightened" sex. What would that be? The third Precept is to undertake the training rule to abstain -- not from sex but -- from sexual misconduct.

      That's easy to do. We assert that, in workaday life, sex is fine (moral, normal, healthy). Can we limit our sex to people who are able to give consent by virtue of the fact that they are not in a relationship or state that prevents them from giving such consent?

      Going beyond that, can we have sex because we want to advance our interest in pleasure and the other person's equally?

      Is it possible to not only avoid harm but to do good by establishing connection, compassion, caring, and carnal bliss?

      Of course it's possible? Ten people cannot give "consent." Who are the ten? Those dependent on (1) mother, (2) father, (3) brother, (4) sister, (5) relatives, (6) other guardians, (7) a ruler or institution [e.g., because of being a convict or patient who has lost that privilege while under the custody of an official entity, as happens in our modern penal system, just as in days of old], (8) spouse, (9) fiancee [betrothed in a relationship], (10) future spouse [because of being promised in marriage [as by parental arrangement or obligation].

      This is the literal, bottom line rule. The spirit of it should be understood to avoid confusion and the condemnation of what the Buddha was liberating us from by explaining the Five Precepts.

      Unlike Christianity (a mangled form of the Wisdom of the East in the hands of those wishing to dominate, control, and enforce personal moral behavior in the name of emperors and a patriarchal Church), which says "sin" is what angers or displeases God, the Buddha saw "bad karma." He saw that certain actions are not capable of resulting in the search for happiness that motivates them (when their karmic-results are met with).

      He warned of the inevitable consequences of such actions -- like sexual misconduct -- in a sutra that lists the "Ten Courses of Unwholesome Action" (Numerical Discourses, Book of Tens). These actions are called "courses," Bhikkhu Bodhi explains in his audio commentary to the Middle Length Discourses, because they have the strength to generate rebirth in "unfortunate destinations" if they ripen near the time of death. There are ten wholesome courses explained as well.

      It is no coincidence that Hinduism has an "eightfold" path or that Christianity has ten "commandments." Both traditions, Patanjali in the first case and Talmudic/Zohar/Mosaic/Old Testament composers in the second, were heavily influenced by the success and widely influential teachings of the Buddha that spread without keeping the attribution and reference to Buddhism that may have originally been acknowledged.

      It can be that Christianity (and Islam and Judaism) fails miserably in getting this across about sex. So we are left feeling guilty and ashamed of natural human desire. But such desire is not limited to the human plane. Craving for sensual pleasures in general, and sexual pleasure in particular, is characteristic of the Sense Sphere (Kama Loka). This sphere includes lower heavenly planes as well as the animal and other subhuman planes.

      Sex is transcended in the brahma plane of what becomes the Fine-Material Sphere (Rupa Loka). Brahmas are exalted devas, "light beings." Almost all of the heavenly planes are referred to as deva planes even though there is yet one higher spheres that transcends even the brahmas. That is the Immaterial Sphere (Arupa Loka).

      Sex and Heaven
      If one wishes to be reborn on Earth, sex free of sexual misconduct is fine. Our obsession/guilt/remorse/shame are not! These are forms of mental karma that are very detrimental. Such psychological activity does not remain mental but gives way to verbal and physical expression that make it worse.

      If one wishes to be reborn in the Sense Sphere heavens, sex free of sexual misconduct is fine. (There is sex and much better sex than we have here on Earth in some higher worlds).

      If one wishes to be reborn not only among deities (devas, literal physical beings called "shining ones," which we would likely call angels) but divinities (brahmas) or even as a divinity -- literally not just close to God but as a God -- one needs to set sex and obsession with sensuality aside.

      Hindu Brahmins in particular long for such rebirth, considering it liberation from samsara. The Buddha pointed out that this liberation (moksha) is not actual liberation; rebirth are not brought to a final end by such a rebirth.

      If one wishes to be reborn among or as a divinity, one needs to develop the absorptions (jhanas) and bring them up and hold them at the time of death. This is the course of action, the weighty karma, that leads to rebirth in those happy, exalted, long-lived worlds.

      But these worlds are not and do in and of themselves lead to final liberation -- nirvana. Nirvana is attainable here and in the lower (sub-brahma) deva worlds.

      Bearing this in mind, what need is there to feel guilty about sex or to shame others in some Puritanical way that hypocritically runs in our American psyche/zeitgeist. It is not this way in England and France, although it does seem to be in Germany and Italy and everywhere else that does not think through the consequences of reinterpreting and rebranding Buddhism as Judaism, Christianity, Catholicism, Islam, and Hinduism.

      So many of our world traditions are trying to get at the same thing. But they hamstring themselves by speaking of "sin" as the fetish and preference of a personal God as if that itself made things good and bad. Creator (genetic manipulator and helper of human advancement from some extraterrestrial plane) or not, karma was not created. The Truth is uncreated.

      And the Truth enlightened ones see is that actions motivated by the wide categories of attraction (both sensual, fine material, and supersensual), aversion, and delusion result in grief, result in unsatisfactoriness. Motivation, zeal, passion for the good, intention for liberation, a wish to do what is beneficial (dhamma-chanda) are all forms of desire and attraction; they are not being called lust (kama-chanda).

      People seem fond of condemning the teaching that bad karma is undergirded by greed, hatred, and delusion by asserting that "greed" (desire) can be good as if that revealed a contradiction the Buddha had not thought of.

      The Buddha and Buddhism and Buddhists distinguish lust and greed from will and wholesome intention, and it is only misguided philosophers (often Western) who act as if Buddhism is praising apathy, non-striving, and psychological emptiness (ennui).

      The Buddha, bodhisattvas, and Noble Ones (ariyas, arhants, and pacceka-buddhas) are ardent and diligent. Even those who only attain the absorptions are similarly conscientious, consistent, and persist in the pursuit of the good.

      Sex does not have to derail that. The question is this, do we rule sex in our lives or are we ruled by sex? Is it a joyful activity, an ambivalent and shameful one with misgivings, an obsessive compulsive behavior that consumes us, or something we can renounce and do without even as we engage in it? Renunciation is letting go of attachment even if we do not let go of a possession or activity. This is moving towards "enlightened" sex.

      Meditators should temporarily abandon and set sex aside. The mind hindered and propelled by sensual craving is going in the opposite direction of absorption (serenity), realization (insight), and nirvana (final liberation). It is not Buddhist. Nevertheless, the person engaged in sex can use that to do good, to bring about the sort of happiness characteristic of the Sensual Sphere, uniting, bonding, connecting, sharing, enjoying and bringing about joy, feeding on bliss.

      Such bliss is less dependable and less enjoyable than absorption bliss -- which is "detached from sensuality, detached from unwholesome states of mind [greed, hatred/fear, delusion] and accompanied by applied and sustained attention, born of detachment [temporary renunciation of our possessions and obsessions], and filled with rapture and joy." And this is merely the first of eight absorptions that are progressively more blissful and joyful. So it is often said in Buddhism, "There is no way to happiness; happiness is the way!"

      For those with no idea such serene meditative states exist, of course their focus and sometimes obsession is going to be on getting pleasure wherever pleasure is available. And if we seek to make them feel guilty for the pervasive impulse in this sphere, we do more harm than good. We do not bring about virtue in our children, friends, or family members. We bring about the opposite.

      And so our world -- our corner of it in the heart of the American Empire, which looks, acts, and feels a lot like the hypocritical Holy Roman Empire good Jesus was railing against in his day [like the temple brahmin priests (brahmana) and the establishment the Buddha rejected as a shramana, a free (possessionless) renunciate -- is not improved. But tolerance and offering wisdom and compassion can help the world.

      VIDEO: Amazing Fire Ceremony, Japan's Saifukuji Temple

      Tuesday, December 4, 2018

      The Great Heap of Sex (sutra)

      Dhr. Seven, Amber Larson, Ellie Askew (eds.), Wisdom Quarterly, "The Great Heap of Dukkha Discourse" or Mahadukkhakkhandha Sutra (MN 13) based on Ven. Thanissaro (trans.)
      Desire for sex is the strongest sensual desire, the strongest craving, the source of dukkha.

      \.
      But is sex the same as "sensual desire"?
      Thus have I heard. On one occasion the Blessed One [the Buddha] was living near Savatthi at Jeta's Grove, in the monastery donated by a Buddhist multi-millionaire.

      Then early in the morning several monastics put on their robes and, taking bowls and robes, walked into Savatthi for alms. The thought occurred to them, "It's too early to go into Savatthi for alms, so what if we were to visit the Park of the Wanderers of other Teachings instead?"

      They headed to the park, arrived, exchanged courteous greetings with the other wandering ascetics, then sat respectfully to one side. The other wanderers asked:

      "Friends, the Wandering Ascetic Gautama [the Buddha] describes the comprehension of sex [i.e., as standing in for all sensual desire]. We also describe the comprehension of sex. He describes the comprehension of forms and feelings. So do we. So what's the difference, what's the distinction, what's the distinguishing factor between him and us in terms of his teaching (Dharma) and ours, his message and ours?"
      The monastics, neither delighting in nor disapproving of their words, got up from their seats [thinking], "We will bring these things up in the Blessed One's presence."

      Then they walked for alms in Savatthi, and after their meal, they went to the Blessed One, bowed, sat respectfully to one side, and [told him what had happened].

      [The Buddha responded:] "Meditators, when other wandering ascetics say such things, they can be asked: 'Friends, with regard to sex (sensual desire), what is the allure, the drawback, the escape? And the same for forms and feelings?' When they are asked this, they will be unable to answer and will get themselves into trouble. Why? It is because the answer lies beyond their range.
       
      There comes a time when Death steps in.
      "Meditators, in this world -- with its light beings, menaces, and Gods (devas, maras, and brahmas), in this world with its people, wandering ascetics, and Brahmins, its princes and commoners, I do not see anyone who can provide a satisfactory answer to these questions, other than a tathagata (a "wayfarer" such as the Buddha himself), a tathagata's disciples, or someone who has heard it from them.
       
      Allure of sex
      Sex is the strongest sensual desire.
      "Meditators, what is the allure of sex? There are five strands of sensuality. What are they?
      1. visible forms cognizable by the eye -- agreeable, pleasing, charming, endearing, engendering desire, enticing.
      2. sounds cognizable by the ear...
      3. fragrances cognizable by the nose...
      4. flavors cognizable by the tongue...
      5. Tactile sensations cognizable by the body -- agreeable, pleasing, charming, endearing, engendering desire, enticing.
      "Whatever pleasure or joy arises dependent on these five strands, that is the allure of sex.
       
      Drawback
      I lie for my livelihood, but listen to me anyway.
      "What is the drawback? A person (such as a member of the extended family clan) may engage in some livelihood -- checking, accounting, calculating, plowing, trade, cattle-tending, archery, working for a royal, or whatever occupation it may be -- facing cold, facing heat, being annoyed by mosquitoes and gadflies, wind, sun, creeping things, who hungers and thirsts.
      • [COMMENT: One craves/thirsts for sex/sensual pleasure; therefore, one works hard to earn a livelihood to be able to afford them, suffering much, starving and feeling parched in their constant pursuit, working oneself to death to gain them.]
      "This is the drawback of sex, a heap of disappointment (suffering) visible here and now. It has sex as its reason, sex as its source, sex as its cause, the reason being simply sensual desire.

      "And if that person gains no wealth while working, striving, making effort, that person sorrows, grieves, laments, beats his or her breast, and becomes distraught: 'My work is for nothing! My efforts are fruitless!' This drawback comes about in the case of sex. This heap of disappointment, visible here and now, has sex as its reason, sex as its source, sex as its cause, the reason being simply sensual desire.

      "If that person gains wealth while working, striving, making effort, that person nevertheless experiences pain and disappointment in protecting it: 'How will neither rulers nor thieves make off with my property -- nor fire consume it, nor water sweep it away, nor greedy heirs make off with it?'

      "Although one watches over and guards property, rulers or thieves nevertheless make off with it. Fire consumes it, water sweeps it away, or greedy heirs make off with it. One sorrows, grieves, and laments, beats one's breast, and becomes distraught: 'What was mine is no longer mine!'

      "This is also the drawback in the case of sex. This heap of disappointment, visible here and now, has sensual desire as its reason, sensual desire as its source, sensual desire as its cause, the reason being simply sensual desire.
       
      We were more animal than human at times, like shapeshifting ogres, monsters, who suffer.

      .
      We love our craving and addictions.
      "Again, it is with sensual desire as the reason, sensual desire as the source, sensual desire as the cause -- the reason being simply sensual desire -- that rulers quarrel with rulers, warriors with warriors, Brahmins with Brahmins, householders with householders, mother with child, child with mother, father with child, child with father, brother with brother, sister with sister, brother with sister, sister with brother, friend with friend.

      "Then during their quarrels, brawls, and disputes, they attack one another with fists or clods, sticks or knives, and they suffer deadly pain or death. This is the drawback in case of sensual desire. This heap of disappointment, visible here and now, has sensual desire as its reason, sensual desire as its source, sensual desire as its cause, the reason being simply sensual desire.

      "Again, it is with sensual desire as the reason, sensual desire as the source... that some, taking up swords and shields and strapping on bows and arrows, charge into battle amassed in double array as arrows and spears go flying with swords flashing. They are wounded by arrows and spears, their heads cut off by swords, and they incur deadly pain or death.

      "This is a drawback of sensual desire. This heap of disappointment, visible here and now, has sensual desire as its reason, sensual desire as its source, sensual desire as its cause, the reason being simply sensual desire.

      "Again, with sensual desire as reason, sensual desire as source... some, taking up swords and shields and strapping on bows and arrows, charge toward slippery bastions while arrows and spears go flying and swords  flashing. They are splashed with boiling cow dung or crushed by heavy weights, their heads cut are off by swords, and they incur deadly pain or death.

      "This is also a drawback in the case of sensual desire. This heap of disappointment, visible here and now, has sensual desire as its reason, sensual desire as its source, sensual desire as its cause, the reason being simply sensual desire.

      "Again, with sensual desire as the reason, sensual desire as the source... some break in through windows, seize plunder, commit burglary, ambush people on highways, engage in adultery. And when they are captured, rulers have them tortured in many ways:

      "They have them flogged with whips, beaten with canes, beaten with clubs. They have their heads cut off, their feet, both their hands and feet. They have their ears, noses, ears and noses cut off. They subject them to:
      • the 'porridge pot,'
      • the 'polished-shell shave,'
      • the 'mouth of Rahu,'
      • the 'flaming garland,'
      • the 'blazing hand,'
      • the 'grass-duty (ascetic),'
      • the 'bark-dress (ascetic),'
      • the 'burning antelope,'
      • the 'meat hooks,'
      • the 'coin-gouging,'
      • the 'lye pickling,'
      • the 'pivot on a stake,'
      • the 'rolled-up bed.'
      "They have them splashed with boiling oil, devoured by dogs, impaled alive on stakes. They have their heads cut off with swords, so they incur deadly pain or death.

      "This is a drawback in the case of sensual desire. This heap of disappointment, visible here and now, has sensual desire as its reason, sensual desire as its source, sensual desire as its cause, the reason being simply sensual desire.

      "Again, it is with sensual desire as reason, sensual desire as source... that some engage in bodily misconduct, verbal misconduct, mental misconduct. Having engaged in bodily, verbal, and/or mental misconduct, they -- on the breakup of the body, after death -- reappear in the plane of deprivation, the woeful destination, the lower realms, [even] in hell (avici).

      "This is also a drawback in the case of sensual desire. This heap of disappointment (suffering) in future lives has sensual desire as its reason, sensual desire as its source, sensual desire as its cause, the reason being simply sensual desire.
       
      Escape

      Stop this merry-go-round; I want to get off.
      "Meditators, what is the escape from sex? Overcoming and abandoning craving/passion for sex (five strand sensual desire) is the escape from it.

      "That any Brahmin or wandering ascetic who fails to discern, as it actually is, the allure of sex as allure, the drawback of sex as drawback, the escape from sex as escape would comprehend sex or would rouse another person with the truth so that, in line with what one has practiced, that person would comprehend sensual desire, that is impossible!

      "But that any Brahmin or wandering ascetic who discerns, as it actually is, the allure of sex as allure, the drawback of sex as drawback, the escape from sex as escape would comprehend sensual desire or would rouse another person with the truth so that, in line with what one has practiced, one would comprehend sensual desire, that is possible. More