Showing posts with label mindful parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mindful parenting. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 6, 2026

Puberty for adults: Brains On, LAist (5/14)


Thursday, May 14th, 2026, 7:00-8:15  pm at The Crawford (474 S. Raymond Ave., Pasadena 91105).

Get tickets priced from FREE to $25. Join Molly Bloom, host and creator of the kids' podcast company Brains On Universe, for a live panel about puberty. Featured guests include
  • Dr. Cara Natterson, pediatrician, author, and founder of Less Awkward, a company designed to make puberty a less awkward and more joyful experience
  • Dr. Christopher Miller, a clinical psychologist and the founder of The Boys’ Institute for Growth (BIG), which educates boys about puberty and facilitates healthy conversations between boys and their trusted adults.
The evening will feature a moderated discussion followed by a live Q&A designed to help parents prepare kids ages 7–11 for the changes ahead. More

Wednesday, March 5, 2025

Two new eagles have landed: Big Bear

Morning zoo's Ally Johnson and Kevin Klein feed each other for attention (kroq.com)
.
We're just a national symbol, relax
Jackie and Shadow
 are the second and third most famous eagles in the country, only behind the nation's Nazi-like insignia. See Uncle Baldy on the top of flagstaffs and elsewhere. But for the parents of cute chicks, see the Friends of Big Bear Valley cam above the lake: Big Bear Bald Eagle Nest 2025 | Friends of Big Bear Valley. We have other charismatic megafauna, like bears for example. bigbeargrizzly.net | Big Bear Grizzly. Those interested may also like to see a long train ride in Norway (live), where it is currently snowing.

  • Xochitl, Ashley Wells, CC Liu (eds.), Wisdom Quarterly

Sunday, February 23, 2025

Dear Abby, my dumb son's a 'Peter Pan'

I don't give a gosh darn whom you date or marry, but get a job to pay for it. Work, Son, commit.
.
I'll marry your son IF you buy us a house, Mom.
DEAR ABBY: I am blessed with two sons who live with me. They are in their mid-20s.

The younger one is an amazing young man. He’s strong, confident but not cocky, and happy. He’s in college, works part-time, and plays in a band, among other things. 

My older son is the opposite. Since he was 16, he’s had countless jobs and is (again) currently unemployed. He has been fired from every single job except one.
Dr. Jordan Peterson: The Peter Pan Syndrome* - Pan prefers kinky Tinkerbell to normal Wendy
    You, listen to your Momma, Boy! - *Laughter*
    He always has some excuse to blame others for his failings. He thinks he’s smarter than the rest of us, thinks he knows better, etc.

    I’ve tried to tell and show him the issue is with HIM, not his previous employers. He refuses to accept responsibility for anything wrong in his life.


    I love him, but he is driving me crazy. I want to help him but, honestly, I’m over it. I’ve reached the point where it’s difficult to be civil to him.

    The last time he was out of work lasted three months. When I gave him a “drop dead” date to find a job or I was kicking him out of the house, miraculously, he found one in the nick of time.

    But won't marriage solve all our problems, Kramer? - Seinfeld and Kramer grow old alone
    I'm a Buddist, MOM! - I wish! You're full of it - If you don't get off my back, I'm gonna base jump

    We are back at that point again. I hate to do it, but I need him to either straighten up or get out.

    No matter what I do, I’m the bad guy — for enabling him or for forcing him out. I would love some advice.

    — FED-UP MOM IN FLORIDA
    • DEAR THE BOTH OF YA: C'mon, Mom, I have lots on my plate! Pot, porn, pervy dating adventures, my cellphone, chasing chicks, gambling and boozing with my buddies, craft beer sampling, hanging out, smoking the herbage, my retainers, school, um, lots of stuff. And shut the front door, Abby! Who's even writing your column for you?! Get off my back.

    You're a lazy bum, dumb!
    DEAR MOM: Your son is no longer a child. He needs to learn to stand on his own two feet. Give him another deadline to find a job or be out from under your roof.

    While he is employed, tell him you expect him to save enough money for a security deposit on a place to live.

    Do not expect him to like it or be grateful to you for having subsidized him as long as you have. The biggest favor you can give him now is a chance to grow up....
    Mom, I have Peter Pan Syndrome. Sorry


    • Seinfeld; Dear Abby via New York Post, Feb. 23, 2025; Jack Black, "Jeepers Creepers," "Slackers," "Gay Son/Grass Valley Greg," Mr. Show with Bob and David (HBO); Psychologist Dr. Jordan Peterson (analysis); Ashley Wells, Dhr. Seven, Shauna Schwartz, CC Liu (eds.), Wisdom Quarterly

    Monday, November 25, 2024

    How to repay one's parents (sutra)

    Mom, are you defecating? No, that's okay. I'll just wash this dress shirt. *Smiles*


    "Meditators, I will teach about a person without integrity and one with integrity. Listen, pay close attention, and I will speak."

    "As you say, venerable sir," they responded.

    The Buddha then said, "Now what is a person without integrity? A person without integrity is ungrateful and unthankful. This ingratitude, this lack of (knowing what has been done for one) thankfulness, is promoted by rude people.

    "It is just the sort of thing people without integrity do, whereas a person with integrity is grateful and thankful. This gratitude, this thankfulness, is promoted by civil people. It is just the kind of thing people with integrity do."

    People in the world
    {II,iv,2} "I say, meditators, there are two people who are not easy to repay. Who are these two? One's mother and father.

    "Even if you were to carry one's mother on one shoulder and one's father on the other shoulder for 100 years, and were to look after them by anointing and massaging them with oil, bathing them, rubbing their limbs, even as they defecated and urinated right where they sat [on one's shoulders], one could not in that way be able to pay or repay one's parents.

    "Even if one were to establish one's mother and father in absolute sovereignty over the whole of this great earth (every country and territory), abounding in the seven treasures, one could not in that way be able to pay or repay one's parents. Now, why is that?

    "Mother and father do much for their children. They care for them, nourish them, introduce them to this world.

    "However, anyone 
    • who rouses one's unbelieving mother and father, settles and establishes them in confidence (saddha, faith, conviction),
    • who rouses one's unvirtuous mother and father, settles and establishes them in virtue (sila),
    • who rouses one's stingy mother and father, settles and establishes them in letting go (dana, generosity),
    • who rouses one's foolish mother and father, settles and establishes them in wisdom (panna, direct knowing and seeing, discernment),
    "to this extent one indeed pays and repays one's mother and father."

    Thursday, June 27, 2024

    Chicken Brain/Monkey Mind: Meditation


    Don't choke your man-chicken all week and expect it to calm down when you sit for meditation.
    .
    I can't get this man-chicken to shut the h*ll up!


    Oh, it's you. (Gary Larson)
    The Buddha taught two general types of "meditation" (bhavana, "cultivation"), calm (shamatha stillness = samadhi) and insight (vipassana, "clear seeing"). It all begins with calm and relaxation. It is essential for entering a meditative state. This is greatly aided by letting go and allowing the meditation to occur naturally. We are not "doing" it; it is just happening. What we do do is set up the conditions, the ingredients, the circumstances for calm to happen.
    Discursive (monkey) thinking in average American
    Pick a quiet and undistracted location, time, and come to it in silence (because outward silence gives way to inner silence), well rested with the determination to sit for such and such a length of time, say 20 minutes or an hour. The habit or "ritual" of doing it cues the mind to get into that peaceful state.

    Quick and easy techniques to calm anxious mind
    It is very refreshing. With the mind trained to enter this lightly hypnagogic state of deep relaxation, things can go very deep in a relatively short time. Otherwise, we risk taking to the mat for years, only noticing progress after a while. Of course, progress is made from meditating even once, but it is not likely to be noticeable until we sit on a somewhat regular basis and have our waking life mirror our inner calm.

    Big set up. The punchline is lying behind the cowboy's hindquarters.

    Look away, Monk, or you'll get no peace!
    What happens in a sitting meditation is very much affected by what we do for the other 23 or more hours of the day. By way of comparison, imagine owning a chicken. And once a day (alone) or once a week (in a group), we sit to meditate for an hour. What is the likelihood that that chicken is going to stay calm and quiet for an hour and not bother anyone? Next to none. But it all depends.

    If anyone thinks a chicken is going to calm down because we tell it, "Calm down and shut up!" or attempt to beat, strangle, and chase it around the room, try to grab it by the neck and wrestle it to the mat, we must not know very many chickens.

    They are nervous, inquisitive, territorial, bothersome, easily disturbed nuts. And once riled, it is almost impossible to get them to calm down again.

    Training our chickens (minds) to fly effortlessly is meditation.
    But if we pet it lovingly, soothe it, look on it with kind eyes, bring it back to sitting still again and again, without getting angry or frustrated with it, it might calm down for a minute, and not much more than that.

    But if we choke our chicken, yell at it, threaten it, grab it by the feathers and try to force it down, scream at it to shut the h*ll up, that will never work. It will only reflect what we are intending at it.

    Now we may say, we don't have a chicken and we never will. But we do, and we always have. Only we call it a mind. That mind is much more sensitive than a chicken, much more reactive to our attitude towards it, much harder to settle and keep calm even for a minute. We can fake it until we make it, but "monkey mind" may drive us so crazy that we can't even fake it.

    Then what are we doing? Berating it, treating it the way we were raised -- or at least all the bad ways in which we were raised: yelling, anger, punishment, threats, condemnation, criticism, dismissal, non-support. Whew, what a number our parents or caretakers did on us.

    What were you expecting, Doctor, a chicken? - No, my Little Ducky, no.
    If only a detective were on hand to make sense of the clues.

    We have actually always been taught that one way to remain calm in the midst of the "slings and arrows" life hurls at us -- being hit with unpleasant words, sights, sounds, circumstances, or threats, or attitudes and shades and the sense that we are not liked or, worse yet, physical abuse -- is to slowly count to ten.

    Well, what's the use of that if we have not in advance linked that counting to a calmer state.

    I like life much better now that I'm not afraid you'll yell at me for anything wrong I might d.
    .
    What comes first, calm or a calm-chicken?
    But the Silva Method of Mind Valley's Vivek, we can accustom our minds to associate that calm counting with an objective measure of calm, a more soothing brainwave state. Try it. And at all times everywhere for the whole week between group sits (but particularly at every solo sit), be nice to your chicken. Treat it as you would want to be treated in the best of circumstances.

    If only we had a nice closing line to wrap it all up in a memorable way. "A happy wife, a happy life" or, in this case, "a foul fowl is a living howl," where "howl" means hell. "A happy hubby, a stubby chubby"? No, that one doesn't work. Got it! "A happy spouse, a peaceful house"! Yes, that's an original!
    • It's a technicality, but things arise together. Paticca samuppada (Dependent Origination, Conditioned Co-Genesis, Conditionality) means things co-arise simultaneously. See Bhikkhu Bodhi, As It Is (tape series),
    • Gary Larson (The Far Side); This is Part II by Meditation Instructor Seven, as told to Ananda (Dharma Buddhist Meditation), Jen Bradford, Moon, Wisdom Quarterly, from a Mind Valley commercial by Vivek Lakhani based on an idea, insight, and teaching by Jose Silva, author of Silva Mind Control.

    Sunday, March 10, 2024

    How to have The S-e-x Talk with your kids

    TBS on YouTube (Seth MacFarlane's American Dad,), March 10, 2024; Seth Auberon, Dhr. Seven, Ashley Wells (eds.), Wisdom Quarterly COMMENTARY

    Homer, rich Kurt wasn't Bean's worst parent.
    Sex is too uncomfortable to talk about with my teenage son. Fortunately, some eighth graders in Beverly Hills got in trouble making porn and were unfairly made an example out of by being expelled from school, making this discussion a little easier.

    Did world's worst mom kill Bean's dad?
    Eighth grade is about 13, a year or two late for this pivotal, life-altering, father and son discussion. But the wife says I have to do it or he'll hear about it on the streets or worse, from his peers in school with their internet access, social media, iPhones, TikTok accounts, and sexting pics.

    What if Patriarch Jesus got a tattoo? (Lev. 19:28)
    Maybe we can just watch cartoons first and be surprised when American Dad breaks the ice by bringing up the subject first...before going too far and bringing up worse subjects in the world of today that I'll have to talk about with my daughter. No, that's her mom's job.

    • VIDEO: A psychologist explains how to get out of a pattern of constant worry and rumination
    • Courtney Love: Kurt Cobain's daughter's explosive never-before-seen deposition revealed; drugs, hoarding, dead pets (radaronline.com)
    • The prince was a better father.
      Wasn't Prince Siddhartha (who later became the Buddha) the worst father? - No, he was the best. - But he left. - Yes, but why did he leave? He did not leave, as many think, because he thought he would be a bad father and that he was doing his family a favor. He left to find what no one else could give them -- a solution to the problem of suffering (brought on by craving, karma, old age, and death).
    • Your father's back!! That's him! Go ask, Rahula.
      It strikes us all, and would have included all of Prince Siddhartha's his future subjects, his parents, his children (he may have had two boys), siblings (a half-brother and sister he grew up with), two or three moms (depending how one counts), many cousins (extended family of Scythians/Shakyians), and a longsuffering dad, who did as much as a father could do.
    • At least that was true until the Buddha taught that there was one more thing. What more could a parent do for a child than King Suddhodana, the Buddha's father, did for Prince Siddhartha? A parent, beginning with the Buddha, could thereafter teach the child the Dharma, the Path to Freedom we now call Early Buddhism.
    • Anyone for whom this is news must what the Buddha did seven years after his great awakening under the bodhi tree, his first turning of the wheel of the Dharma, and his establishing of a fourfold (composed of monks, nuns, and male and female disciples) assembly called the Sangha (spiritual community) to keep the Dharma in the world as long as possible, all of which had been his goal from past lives over four aeons up until his final rebirth.
    The mom, Francine, on American Dad!

    The Best of Stan Smith | American Dad | TBS
    "My Purity Ball..." (American Dad! S12, E10)
    (TBS) March 10, 2024: U.S. father Stan Smith (voiced by Seth MacFarlane) is an all-American CIA agent, husband, and dad. He can be pretty selfish, but when it comes down to it, all he wants is the best for his family: wife Francine, daughter Haley, son Steve, pet Klaus, and Roswell survivor Roger. Check out some of his best moments and comment. Watch American Dad on TBS. #AmericanDad #StanSmith #SethMacFarlane #TBS

    Mother and daughter do unthinkable
    They sell drugs for Big Pharma
    Avoid Big Pharma's drugs

    Monday, January 15, 2024

    On emotional trauma and spiritual practice

    Tilly Campbell-Allen, Buddhistdoor Global (buddhistdoor.net, 1/4/22), COMMENTARY; Jen Bradford, Ananda (Dharma Buddhist Meditation), Wisdom Quarterly
    Do you know why I'm shouting, you little monster?! - Because Grandma shouted at you?

    Who is it that is practicing spirituality and reaching for enlightenment?
    French author Tilly Campbell-Allen
    All the world's a stage, so are we merely play pretending on it? Who is striving for egoless liberation? Is it me, you, us, or just a result of our clever social-survival mirror neurons mimicking spiritual practice?

    I can tell you that for most of us — with all the best and most earnest intentions in the world — it is most likely the mirror neurons [unless Asperger's or an autism spectrum disorder has taken those neurons offline].

    Therefore, as all the masters, gurus, and New Age teachers tell us, the ego is still running the show.

    As if it is all theater, we dress up for the role. Arguably, this isn’t a big problem. Shakespeare did say, All the world’s a stage:


    The Stages of Human Life, Yehen eygenschaft des altters der menschen (BM 1872m cropped)


    “All the world’s a stage,
    And all the men and women merely players.
    They have their exits and their entrances,
    And one man in his time plays many parts,
    His acts being seven ages.
    At first, the infant,
    Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms.
    Then the whining schoolboy, with his satchel
    And shining morning face, creeping like snail
    Unwillingly to school.
    And then the lover,
    Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad...


    And so he plays his part.
    The sixth age shifts
    Into the lean and slippered pantaloon,
    With spectacles on nose and pouch on side;
    His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide
    For his shrunk shank, and his big manly voice,
    Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
    And whistles in his sound.
    Last scene of all,
    That ends this strange eventful history,
    Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
    Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.”
    [You're on now. How will you play your part?] 

    Get in here, you! Get the hell out of here!
    But the brain needs to learn how to function from the moment we begin using it, so it copies from its environment — any baby can prove this fact.

    We have mirror neurons because our brain knows that we stand a better chance of survival if we are accepted by our social group, rather than rejected and left to die all alone in the cold wilderness or the dark and scary woods.

    The more an act or practice is copied and performed, the more hardwired it becomes in our brain’s biology.

    We're reliving our youth. Cougar party!
    The follow up question is then, Who [or what, ask in the Five Aggregates clung to as self] are we beyond merely a simple composite of hardwiring learned from our environment?

    While this is the case for many phenomena, it can’t explain some characteristics that appear to be inherited from our parents and that may have previously been absent from the offspring’s life.

    Tiny, very personal character traits show through when babies can express reactions beyond those to which they have been exposed.

    Beyond this, there are young children, often between 2.5–5 years old, who are able to talk about past lives in great and sometimes verifiable detail.

    I'm a man. Gotta get back to work. I love it
    Clearly, there is something more than mere biology going on. Workshops and intensive meditation retreats are both beneficial and popular practices for helping to peel away layers of accrued hardwiring and ego-driven delusions.

    However, being away from our young children while we choose to undertake long retreats can damage a child emotionally. This is an example of when a spiritual practice becomes selfish and led by ego desire, considering our own welfare before that of another.

    [Of course, we're doing the child and the world a favor by working our ourselves, but they don't know it, so we may feel guilty and excessively question our own motives. It really can be a win-win endeavor, but we're shamed by our society not to automatically see it that way.]

    Learn an engaged practice instead and make Buddhist mindful parenting an integral part of meditation.

    Emotional damage is a significant contributor to how we function in the world — within ourselves and at a spiritual community level.

    If you need to clear rust or bust a stuck nut, there's nothing better than this (Scotty Kilmer).
    .
    It is imperative, therefore, that we heal these traumas before moving forward, lest any attainments that we may accrue be built on shifting and unstable sands.

    Scientists tell us that we live in a universe where more than 95 percent over everything around us is unknown and invisible and that our five-per-cent reality isn’t solid and isn’t even really real or here at all. Thanks, science.

    It is a subject that fascinates me, that I research deeply, and about which I have written extensively. It feels profoundly important to understand and is of particular significance in meditation. I'm a French philosopher, what can I say?

    And here is where my thoughts on reality become quite a challenge to comprehend as they are contrary to all that seems "real."

    Based on a growing mountain of scientific evidence, I now imagine this five-per-cent reality to be the inverse of what we perceive it to be.

    The implications of this would radically change the way we understand our relationship with the whole. However, we cannot bypass the emotional body in preference to escaping into a metaverse [or into another part of this multiverse]; that would be an ignorant foray into the spiritual realm. More

    Thursday, January 11, 2024

    Millennials: What does Gen Z do for "fun"?

    Millennials have no idea about Gen Z (msn.com); Crystal Q., CC Liu (eds.), Wisdom Quarterly
    I'm a fairy; look at my ears: What does Gen Z do for fun? (© TikTok/@ashleyteacozy)
    .
    We know how to party! On the inside
    A millennial woman has admitted she is completely lost as to what members of Gen Z do for fun.

    Ashley Tea, a millennial, recently took to TikTok to make the case that she thinks millennials had a “better time” than Gen Z in their 20s. “I genuinely think millennials got to have a way better time than Gen Z does,” her video began.

    She then continued to give her reasoning. “I got to be an emo kid in 2005...I got to go clubbing when clubbing was the club...I was 21 years old when Indie Sleaze was going on, and I was very Indie Sleaze, and it was a very good time,” Tea said.

    “You couldn’t go to the club during the pandemic? That sucks. Literally, like, my sympathies go out to you. But I have a question for the youth, like a genuine question.”

    The TikToker then asked the generation what they do for fun, specifically mentioning the prime going out days like Friday or Saturday night, wondering where they would go:

    “Do you go out? Do you go to a club, or do you go to shows, is it, like, only raves now?” she asked.

    Tea pointed out how expensive going out can be now, as she noted that she would only go to places that were affordable for her.

    “And everything is so expensive,” she continued, “I used to go to bars and restaurants because it was affordable. I worked in a restaurant, and I hung out in restaurants and bars and drank like crazy.”

    She ends her video by once again asking the question: “What do you guys do? What do you do for fun??” directed at Gen Z.

    Tea’s video went on to receive over one million views, with many Gen Zers leaving comments to answer her question. Some commenters explained that they had no fun at all, explaining how much money had been a factor.

    “There are hardly any ‘third spaces’ anymore, free places to just exist together without expectations of spending money,” one commenter wrote.

    Another commenter agreed, writing: “We aren’t having fun, we are just working. No weekend money.” More