Wisdom Quarterly: American Buddhist Journal: Eight Signs Someone's being Dishonest

Friday, October 10, 2008

Eight Signs Someone's being Dishonest

A monk waits outside the gates of Wat Bencha, Bangkok early 10/9/08. Unrest in the city was started by government dishonesty. Now protesters vow to avenge those killed and injured by police in clashes this week (AP Photo/David Longstreath).

D e c e i t

unification.net

A speaker of falsehood reaches purgatory; so does one who, having done a misdeed, says, "I did not." Both of them, persons of base deeds, become equal in the other world.

--Dhp 306

There is no evil that cannot be done by the liar, who has transgressed the one law of truthfulness and who is indifferent to the world beyond.

--Dhp 176

The Venerable Rahula saw the Lord coming in the distance; seeing him he made ready a seat and water for washing the feet. The Lord sat down on the seat made ready; as he was sitting down he bathed his feet. And Rahula, having greeted the Lord, sat down at a respectful distance. Then the Lord put a little quantity of water that was left over into the water vessel and addressed Rahula, saying, "Do you, Rahula, see this little quantity of water that is left over and that is put into the water vessel?"

"Yes, revered sir."

"Even so, Rahula, little is the recluseship of those who have no shame at intentional lying."

Then the Lord, having thrown away that little quantity of water, addressed Rahula, saying, "Do you, Rahula, see this little quantity of water that has been thrown away?"

"Yes, revered sir."

"Even so, Rahula, thrown away is the recluseship of those who have no shame at intentional lying."

--MN i.414, Ambalatthika-Rahulovada Sutra

Beings who are ashamed of what is not shameful, and are not ashamed of what is shameful, embrace wrong views and go to a woeful state.

Beings who see fear in what is not to be feared, and see no fear in the fearsome, embrace false views and go to a woeful state.

Beings who imagine faults in the faultless and perceive no wrong in what is wrong, embrace false views and go to a woeful state.

--Dhp 316-318

A liar lies to himself as well as to the gods. Lying is the origin of all evils; it leads to rebirth in the miserable planes of existence, to breach of the pure precepts, and to corruption of the body.

--Maharatnakuta Sutra 27, Bodhisattva Surata's Discourse (collection of Mahayana sutras in the Chinese Tripitaka).

Eight Signs of Lying

Caroline Presno, Ed.D., P.C.C. (10/2/08)

Chances are you're being lied to multiple times a day. It happens not only at work and with your friends and family, but in the intimate arena of love and dating, whether it's a first date or someone you are forming an exciting new relationship with.

"During a 10-minute conversation, people told an average of two to three lies."

Imagine this:During a 10-minute conversation, people told an average of two to three lies, and 60 percent of people lied at least once, according to a study conducted by Robert Feldman of the University of Massachusetts.

Telling lies is a normal part of everyday life. People tell small lies to make themselves more likable or to spare other people's feelings. However, it's when the lying gets out of hand that it becomes harmful to a budding relationship. If someone you are dating repeatedly lies to you for their own personal gain, you need to be aware of it. By becoming a better lie detector, you can prevent others from taking advantage of you, both literally and emotionally.

"Good liars stick to the true parts of their story as much as possible and insert lies at key points."

Here are eight ways to spot lying:

Eyes aflutter. When people lie, their blink rate tends to go up.
The eyes have it. Conventional wisdom says that liars don't look you directly in the eye. And sometimes this is the case. However, research shows that practiced liars will actually give you more eye contact than people telling the truth!
Frankly, my dear. People who lie often feel the need to draw your attention to their trustworthiness. They may preface statements with words like "honestly," "frankly," and "truthfully." They're also likely to make assertions such as "I would never lie to you" and "I'm not lying."
Cool and casual. Most people expect liars to be nervous, but practiced liars know how to act casual while weaving a web. They may have their feet up or be slumped down in a chair as the lies flow.
Behind the smile. A liar's smile is different from a truth-teller's smile. According to research, true "enjoyment smiles" are so big and bright that you'll notice a crinkle around the eyes. These authentic smiles last for less than five seconds. The "masking smile," or lie smile, tends to last longer than five seconds, doesn't involve the eyes, has a hint of negative emotion, and may be crooked.
Sticking to it. Good liars stick to the true parts of their story as much as possible and insert lies at key points. If you suspect you're being lied to, don't be fooled into thinking that the whole story is true, even if you can confirm that parts of it are true.
Derailed by details. Liars often try to divert you from their falsehoods by detailing you to death. They'll get you so bogged down by the minutiae of the story that you lose track of what they're saying or you get tired of listening. Never hesitate to ask for clarification if the story seems confusing or doesn't add up.
It's not me, it's you! If you catch someone in a lie, they'll frequently try to turn it back on you. "You must be crazy. I never said that!" or "You must have memory loss because that's not the way it happened."

What do you do when you suspect someone you're dating is repeatedly lying to you? In order to feel more secure in the relationship, let them know that even though the truth can hurt, you want to deal with things honestly and openly. The truth will ultimately be better than losing trust and being devastated by lies. The more people lie and get away with it, the more lies they tell. Stop the cycle by confronting the lies!