Dhr. Seven, Amber Larson, Ashley Wells (eds.), Wisdom Quarterly (2009 revised Summer 2021)
What does the Buddha say is "sexual misconduct" (kamesu micchacara)? Here are two definitions in the Buddha's own words.
Sexual misconduct is when "one conducts oneself wrongly in matters of sex: one has sexual intercourse with those under the protection of:
- father,
- mother,
- mother and father,
- brother,
- sister,
- relatives or clan,
- their religious community;
- or those promised to someone else,
- protected by law,or
- those betrothed with a garland" (Book of Tens, Anguttara Nikaya, X, 206).
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| What about obsessive pornography? |
(See Bhikkhu Bodhi's translation, In the Buddha's Words, p. 159, based on MN 41; Saleyyaka Sutra; I 286-90).
Sexual misconduct or "wrong sensual indulgence" is karmically harmful behavior. On account of karma (intentions of mind, speech, body -- or unrestrained thoughts, verbalizations, or deeds) it will result in suffering (disappointment, unsatisfactoriness, pain) now and/or in the future.
Kama or "sensuality" (not to be confused with kamma or karma) denotes pleasure associated with the senses, particularly the poster child for it, sexual pleasure -- as in the legendary Sanskrit classic, the Kama Sutra.
Sensual misconduct is wrongdoing for the sake of satisfying sensual desires (raga) or cravings (tanha). This harm may be to oneself and/or others.
- These two should be clearly distinguished from ethically-neutral ordinary will, volition, or desire (chanda) not based on inappropriate craving or harm.
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| Judeo-Christian Commandments |
Any excessive or addictive sensual (kamesu) indulgence may constitute "misconduct" (miccachara), not simply sex. Strictly speaking, however, the term "sensual misconduct" is defined only in sexual terms, as the Buddha makes clear by his definition.
- Compare this to the use of the word "volition" (cetana, intention) as a stand in for all 50 of the mental formations (sankhāra-khandha) not already mentioned in the Five Aggregates clung to as self (khandha).
Right speech example
This limited definition makes sense when sex is viewed as representative of sensuality in general -- much in the way as the ordinary Buddhist thinks that right speech (samma vaca), the third factor of the Noble Eightfold Path, means only abstaining from lying.
Lying is simply the grossest form of "wrong speech" or verbal misconduct.
In fact, right speech refers to "speech that is timely, true, gentle, purposeful, and uttered kind-heartedly" (Book of the Fives, AN 198).
Right speech means abstaining from speaking falsely, unseasonably (at the wrong moment), harshly, maliciously, or idly. After all, the honest truth -- or the situation as one sees it and claims it to be -- may be more harmful when spoken in any of these other ways than even a fib or silence.
The problem with thinking that kamesu micchacara ("sexual misconduct") only refers to sex is that one soon becomes accustomed to the shorthand and neglects to consider that kamesu really refers to all six senses (the ordinary five plus the mind).
Fornication
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| Stop! Don't put ideas in their heads. |
The Buddha taught that it is wise to abstain from sexual misconduct not conduct for lay persons. He did not teach that householders must abstain from sex, sexual behavior, nor did he proclaim that they can engage in sex only in the context of marriage or with the goal of pregnancy or child-bearing as many Christian sects teach.
It is mistaken and off-putting to confuse the puritanical teachings of other religions with the ethical universals taught by the Buddha.
Consenting individuals of legal age who are not under the protection of others are free to engage in and enjoy sex without being admonished or told they are doing wrong. (It will not be satisfactory because it intrinsically cannot be satisfactory, which is to say it will ultimately disappoint, as all sensuality does, and it is likely to be accompanied with much dismay and trouble, of course).
What is important is that in so doing, in pursuing sex, we are neither being harmed nor causing harm to others, including the society, relatives, and acquaintances.
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| "Sexting" (texting sexual images by phone), harmless child's play or a worrisome trend? |
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Explanation
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| Pandaka? Not everything is clear cut. |
Therefore, definitively speaking "sexual misconduct" means engaging in consensual sex with anyone under protection, which makes them unable to give that consent, or sex with any non-consenting individual (as in rape, coercion, or fraud).
This means that any dependent supported by parents, guardians, the community, state, or a spouse or fiancée is out of bounds.
The state (or a monarch) may decree someone as "off limits," such as the common early English translation of a "female convict." This meant someone who was not free under a legal mandate, for example a court order, edict, a royal decree, or under penalty.
It would clearly be harmful to engage in sexual intercourse with anyone under duress (pressure, threat, or force). That would be harmful to all three parties -- oneself, another, and both (where "both" means the community).
In the same way, to a lesser degree, harm is being done when one has sex with someone promised (by parents or guardians) to another, or who is betrothed, engaged, or already married.
In brief, one avoids doing harm by abstaining, not from all sex but from all "misconduct."
Celibacy
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| Sex, no sex, it's time to meditate and clear the mind (Life in Hell/Matt Groening). |
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Complete abstinence (brahmacariya) is said to be the supreme way of living, the shortest path to awakening, enlightenment, liberation, and complete freedom from suffering. But chastity and celibacy is only incumbent on those who willingly adopt such a stringent rule, namely those at an intensive retreat keeping the Eight Precepts, or as a monastic (nun or monk).
Penetrative sex entails immediate expulsion from the Sangha (Buddhist Monastic Community) for life. Masturbation requires a meeting of the Sangha for discipline and a subsequent meeting. (In practice, an abbot or abbess may demote one to the end of the line, where one is bound to be embarrassed as others speculate why that was done).
As for lay Buddhists who choose to temporarily keep more than Five Precepts, for example during a meditation retreat, celibacy and refraining from masturbation and even sexual and sensual fantasizing and other indulgences is the name of the game.
Celibacy is not imposed on independent adults. But it is sometimes voluntarily adopted as a form of training and self-discipline to bring craving under control. There are many ways to remain celibate, and the worst is by force. Meditation on unattractiveness or the foul intrinsic nature of things (asubha bhavana) done correctly and under supervision is perhaps the most powerful.
One will not even think of sex or sensual indulgence with constant mindfulness of the foul or unification of mind (concentration, samadhi, piti or the blissful rapture accompanying successful attainment of the initial meditative absorptions). So it is NOT a strenuous effort of a hypocritical priest or "holy" person, gritting one's teeth, or the "extreme" austerity of a hermit or recluse.
Final word
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| Your goal? Samsara or Nirvana? |
This is, in fact, what many Buddhist monks advise. But let's keep in mind what the Buddha actually taught and not make Buddhism just another hypocritical "religion." In addition, be mindful of what our society teaches, but go to the source following the message of the Kalama Sutra, which is not "do whatever you think" but rather "avoid what even you can see is harmful and practice what you yourself can see as beneficial."
- For more on this subject, see Buddhism and Sex by the British scholar and translator Maurice Walshe (Buddhist Publication Society, Wheel No. 225)
- Rules to live by for lay Buddhists (Sigalovada Sutra)
- Pope condemns sexual violence against women
- After horrific sexual trial, Austria struggles to move on
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