Wisdom Quarterly: American Buddhist Journal: Sutra: Beavis and Butthead age (cartoon)

Tuesday, February 10, 2026

Sutra: Beavis and Butthead age (cartoon)

I didn't know we were going to get old.

Cartoon characters may age right in front of our eyes and eventually die, like The Simpson, Family Guy, and South Park, but we never will. That kind of mortality is only in animation and just for laughs. Can you imagine if radical impermanence applied to our lives? Why, our youth, beauty, and joys might evaporate right in front of our eyes, like good ol' Beavis and Butthead. Of course, the ancient sages of India warned of just such a thing in this story of the past by the Buddha:

It may seem odd that the Supremely Enlightened Buddha would defer to the teachings of another teacher. But that is not what is actually happening. For we find out in the Jatakas that the Bodhisatta (the Buddha before enlightenment, in a past life) was the Sage Araka. He is recalling what as a good teacher he taught before he was a "supremely awakened" (samma sam) buddha.

The Buddha on the Teachings of the ancient Sage Araka

(Paramount Plus) Mike Judge's Beavis & Butt-Head meditate with their nice hippie high school teacher | Season 2's funniest moments | Paramount+

Things are radically impermanent.

"Once long ago, meditators, there was a teacher named Araka, a leader of a school who was free of lust for sensual pleasures. He had hundreds of students and he taught them dhamma [his Doctrine] in this way:

"'Next to nothing, students (Brahmins), is this human life — limited, a trifling, a mass of disappointment and distress. One should touch this [truth] like a sage, do what is skillful, and lead a purified life. For one who is reborn there is no freedom from death.

"'Just as a dewdrop on a blade of grass soon vanishes with the rising of the sun, in the same way, students, human life is like that dewdrop — limited, a trifling, a mass of disappointment and despair. One should touch this [truth] like a sage, do what is skillful, and lead a pure life. For one who is reborn there is no freedom from death.

"'Just as when the weather-devas send rain in large droplets that hit and form a water bubble that soon vanishes, in the same way, students, human life is like that water bubble — limited, a trifling, a mass of disappointment and despair. One should touch this [truth] like a sage, do what is skillful, and lead a pure life. For one who is born there is no freedom from death.

"'Just as a line drawn on water with a stick soon vanishes, in the same way, students, human life is like that line — limited, a trifling, a mass of disappointment and despair. One should touch this [truth] like a sage, do what is skillful, and lead a pure life. For one who is reborn there is no freedom from death.

Subject to aging, I should seek the ageless.

"'Just as a river flows down from the mountains, goes far in a swift current, and carries everything with it, so that there is not a second, not a moment, not an instant when it stands still, but instead it flows, and moves and rushes. In the same way, students, human life is like that river — limited, a trifling, a mass of disappointment and despair. One should touch this [truth] like a sage, do what is skillful, and lead a pure life. For one who is reborn there is no freedom from death.

"'Just as a strong person might form spit on the tip of the tongue then spit it out with little effort, in the same way, students, human life is like that spit — limited, a trifling, a mass of disappointment and despair. One should touch this [truth] like a sage, do what is skillful, and lead a pure life. For one who is reborn there is no freedom from death.

Huh huh huh, you look old. Here's a cane.

"'Just as a shred of flesh tossed onto an iron pan that has been heated all day soon vanishes, in the same way, students, human life is like that shred of flesh — limited, a trifling, a mass of disappointment and despair. One should touch this [truth] like a sage, do what is skillful, and lead a pure life. For one who is reborn there is no freedom from death.

"'Just as a doomed cow being led to a slaughterhouse stumbles with every step as it moves closer to slaughter and closer to death, in the same way, students, human life is like that doomed cow — limited, a trifling, a mass of disappointment and despair. One should touch this [truth] like a sage, do what is skillful, and lead a pure life. For one who is reborn there is no freedom from death.'

Old Cornholio (new Beavis & Butt-Head)

"Now at that time, meditators, the average human life span was 60,000 years, with females marriageable at 500. And at that time there were [only] six afflictions: [touch of] cold, heat, hunger, thirst, [and the need for] defecation and urination. Yet even though humans were so long-lived, long-lasting, with so few afflictions, the Sage Araka taught dhamma to his disciples in this way:

"'Next to nothing, students, is human life — limited, a trifling, a mass of disappointment and despair. One should touch this [truth] like a sage, do what is skillful, and lead a pure life. For one who is reborn there is no freedom from death.'

"At present, meditators, one speaking rightly might say, 'Next to nothing is human life — limited, a trifling, a mass of disappointment and despair. One should touch this [truth] like a sage, do what is skillful, and lead a pure life. For one who is reborn there is no freedom from death.'

How many moons would we have seen? 36,500?
At present, meditators, one who lives a long time is 100 years old or a little more. Living 100 years, one lives for 300 seasons: 100 seasons of cold, 100 seasons of heat, 100 seasons of rain.
Living for 300 seasons, one lives for 1,200 months: 400 months of cold, 400 months of heat, 400 months of rain.
Living for 1,200 months, one lives for 2,400 fortnights: 800 fortnights of cold, 800 fortnights of heat, 800 fortnights of rain.
Living for 2,400 fortnights, one lives for 36,000 days: 12,000 days of cold, 12,000 days of heat, 12,000 days of rain.
Living for 36,000 days, one eats 72,000 meals: 24,000 meals in the cold, 24,000 meals in the heat, 24,000 meals in the rain — counting the taking of mother's milk and obstacles to eating.
Obstacles to eating? There are these: when one does not eat due to anger, when one does not eat due to distress, when one does not eat due to illness, when one does not eat due to an observance [Uposatha] day, when one does not eat due to poverty.

Turn, turn, turn, how the season turn.

"Meditators, reckoning the life of a human being who lives for 100 years, there is the lifespan, the seasons, the years, the months, the fortnights, the nights, the days, the meals, the obstacles to eating.

"Whatever a teacher would do in seeking the welfare of disciples, out of sympathy for them, have I done for you.

"Over there, there are the roots of trees; over there, empty dwellings. Practice meditative absorptions (the jhanas), meditators. Be not heedless, such that you might fall into regret later. This is our message."