Less Shame, More Peace (Mandy Kahn)

Mandy Kahn’s Peace Class HANDOUT 65; Ananda (DBM), Dhr. Seven (eds.), Wisdom Quarterly

LESS SHAME, LESS VIOLENCE

Shame is toxic, but can it be good, too? (Vox)

Many have been taught that when they carry out an unloving action [karma, deed], following that action with an ongoing practice of shame, guilt, and remorse is a service to others, because their shame will train the self not to carry out that action again.

The opposite is true.

Shame, guilt, and continual remorse are likely to commit the self to a cycle of future unloving actions. That’s because shame and guilt are like sandbags that keep the self stuck on the lowest floors of their consciousness, and those floors are the place of depression, anger, and violence.

The peace mind is blissful and helpful to all.

The highest floor of one’s consciousness — the Peace Mind — is the place of absolute nonviolence. It’s the place of all actions flowing from perfect love and honoring. It’s the place of enlightened service. Being based there makes us a function of peace in the world.

The sandbags of guilt and shame keep one far from this most loving, helpful, world-blessing expression of self.

Guilt and shame trap people on the lower floors of consciousness, where they are likely to feel so sad and so traumatized by their own remorse that they “act out” with violence or cruelty towards others.

Shame does not serve others. Instead, it’s likely to result in unloving action towards others.

Let’s look at an example of how to replace the habit of shame with a new habit that will help the self to be of higher service to others.

Example

Let’s say Person A is carrying shame over something he did in childhood. Let’s say that, years ago, Person A pushed his sister, and she broke her arm, and then all the children at school teased her, and while this was happening, Person A was stewing in guilt and shame for having pushed his sister and caused all her difficulty.

Now Person A is an adult, and he still carries guilt and shame for pushing his sister in childhood. Every time he remembers that incident, be berates himself and revisits his own self-shaming, his own disappointment in self, then stews in remorse.

Even when he is not actively thinking about that incident, his guilt and shame is with him.

That shame creates heaviness that keeps Person A from being as loving and peaceful as he could be in the world.

So let’s say Person A is ready to release the pattern of his own guilt and shame over that incident.

Every time that memory comes up, Person A might say something like this:

• I learned a lot the time I pushed [Mandy] and she broke her arm. I learned that I want to be a person that acts with kindness and gentleness towards others. From now on, I choose to be helpful and caring. I’m ready to help others to feel safe and celebrated and cared for now.

Replacing his self-berating over a past action with an intention to carry out loving actions in the future will both release Person A from the sandbags of shame and allow Person A to create new and more loving patterns of behavior towards others.

Person A is simply replacing the habit of self-shaming around that incident with the habit of using that incident as an opportunity to repeat and reinstate his intention to be of loving service.

Now, every time that incident comes up, he plants the seed of his own loving future action with his powerful intention.

Now, Person A is seeding a loving future. He is changing his pattern. He is stepping from the Cycle of Shame to the Era of Service in his life.

Releasing his shame does not just give Person A the opportunity to experience more peace himself — it gives him the opportunity to create peace for others. It gives him the opportunity to step into enlightened and loving service, which is the most effective kind.

As Person A is able to roam the upper floors of his own consciousness, he is able to see more clearly how to be of service in the world.

The Peace Mind is the place of genius, of inspiration, of clarity-of-mind. If Person A is able to visit his Peace Mind more often, he’s likely to get an idea about how to be of highest service, and he’ll be able to implement that idea.

Now, he is free to step into clarity-of-purpose. He is free to evolve into compassion-without-end and peace-without-end. He is free to experience his loving and peaceful true nature. Continued in Part 2

Peace Class Instructor Mandy Kahn

Writer-in-Residence

Philosophical Research Society (prs.org)

Peace Class is a free, weekly Zoom-based gathering presented by the Philosophical Research Society and led by Mandy Kahn. It takes place every Wednesday night at 6:00 pm (Pacific Time).

Each meeting of the class presents a stand-alone lesson; it is free, and anyone is welcome to drop in for one class or come for the series with or without having signed up ahead of time.