Tuesday, July 5, 2016

When JOKES were funnier (video)

Seth Auberon, Ashley Wells, CC Liu, Wisdom Quarterly; Seth MacFarlane ("American Dad")

Budai, fat laughing bodhisattva
Dori has the best sense of humor, racy and unassuming. Where did she get it from, watching old American television? Enter Paul Lynde and his affectations -- made famous in perpetuity by Seth MacFarlane's Roger the alien on "American Dad." He was once the US's risque go to man on daytime TV. He was not alone. Comic actors were expected to use their chops of skirting the censors and making the country laugh.

These great quips to questions make us wonder what has happened to American humor. The very tame "Hollywood Squares" game show really was a bunch of squares from Hollywood pushing the envelope with spontaneous rather than scripted responses. "We don't stop laughing because we grow old," it is said. Rather, "we grow old because we stop laughing.

Q: Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A: Paul Lynde: Loneliness.
(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show).

Q: Do female frogs croak?
A: Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q: If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A: Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q: True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years...
A: George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q: You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A: Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q: According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A: Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

Q: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A: Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q: What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A: George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Peter Marshall asks the questions in nearly two hours of "Hollywood Squares."

Q: As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A: Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question, Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q: Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A: Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A: Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q: In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A: Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q: During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A: Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q: Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A: Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q: When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A: Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q: If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A: Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q: According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A: Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q: Back in the old days, when great grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A: George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A: Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A: Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q: According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A: Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.

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