Friday, May 3, 2024

Trump is Von Shits-in-Pants, says Cohen

Farting Trump wear XXXL white tennis shorts which show stains (Jimmy Kimmel Live)

Stephen Colbert says means things about Trump, kissing and groping himself in prison orange


Trump can't hold it in, can't wait to fart.
Michael Cohen was Trump's lawyer and right-hand man, his fixer paying off women to keep quiet. He was so close to Trump that he could smell him. That is, Cohen could not avoid smelling the foul odors. According to Joel Casler, a TV producer who knows him and his family very well, Trump is incontinent (unable to hold his feces) and reeks of soiled trousers, wet leg, soggy socks, bad denture breath, constant flatulence, and soiled underwear. For Cohen to independently dub Trump "VonShitzinPantz" is confirmation of the noises Trump is making in court, farting so loudly that he sometimes accidentally wakes himself up.

Jimmy just doesn't like Donny. - No, what about Davey on DT's glitches?

Jimmy Kimmel makes it into Trump trial, Donald falsely claims he "can't even testify" because of the gag order, crazy abortion law repealed
What are the most attractive US accents?
(Jimmy Kimmel Live) May 2, 2024: Kimmel is officially part of the record of the People vs. Donald Trump, prosecutors entered into evidence a series of text messages between Trump lawyers and Stormy the Porn Star Daniels about the JKL show, Trump has been encouraging MAGAots to come support him in front of the courthouse but was greeted by a single fan (a nut), he is very upset about reports that say he’s been falling asleep during the trial (though he can't deny being awakened by his own farts and/or incontinence into his adult diapers), the courtroom sketch artist appears to hate him, today he tried to float the idea that because of the gag order he’s not allowed to testify on his own behalf (the same way he claimed the judge was keeping him from Barron's graduation when he never attended any of his children's big day and is free to go to this one with a day off from court), he played rally shows in Wisconsin and Michigan yesterday where he fired up the crowd telling them everything’s a disaster and America is dead, there's a new water pressure edition of Drunk Donald Trump, the state Senate in Arizona finally voted to repeal their antiquated abortion law from 1864, South Dakota Republican Governor Kristi "the Dog and Horse Killer" Noem went on Hannity last night to try to do damage control after she revealed she once gladly shot her puppy out of hate (but only made things worse for herself), and the best feature of the show This Week in Unnecessary Censorship, which is right up there with celebrities read mean tweets about themselves. #Kimmel

Flame-throwing, fart-machine Trump embarrassed he dozes during trial, Republican Klan Mom Marjorie Taylor Greene vs. Mike Johnson

Mr. Trump is not allowed near open flames.
(Jimmy Kimmel Live) May 1, 2024: Today is the first day of May and once again our nation’s news media can’t believe it, according to a new study of American accents the most attractive one is the Southern accent (followed by NY and CA), Marjorie Taylor Greene is furious because her plan to oust Mike Johnson as Speaker of the House has been foiled, Ted Cruz is co-sponsor of a bill that would make it harder for consumers to get a refund from airlines in the event of delay or cancellation, Naptain America got his day started by asking where Sleepy Joe is, Trump touched down in Waukesha this afternoon in his first big rally since being fined for contempt of court, the Toot Fairy is going to try healthy "vay-gun" (vegan) food for once instead of his all ultra-processed fast food and slaughtered flesh diet, Wisconsin also got a visit from the Pillow Fairy Mike Lindell, JKL reveals its new product, The MAGA Blaster (fart machine) is revealed on Hollywood Blvd. after court records reveal that Trump's personal lawyer and "fixer" Michael Cohen used to refer to Trump in written records as "VonShitzInPantz," and pothead stoners (Heshers) try to recite the Pledge of Allegiance. #Kimmel
  • Che & Jost (SNL, 5/4/24); Jimmy Kimmel Live (from Hollywood, California, on ABC), May 1-2, 2024; Pfc. Sandoval, Seth Auberon, Ashley Wells (eds.), Wisdom Quarterly

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