_poster.jpg) |
| If "sex sells," who's buying? Young audiences. |
- I'm a man. I want to be rich and find a wh*re with a heart of gold.
- I'm a wh*re. I want to get me a rich man with a trunk of gold.
- I'm a they. I don't know what I want, other than all of it. Is that available?
- This is Hollywood. We'll imagineer it for you all!
"How can we milk more money out of Pretty Woman if Julia Roberts isn't pulling in ticket sales like she used to?"
"I know! Let's dump Buddhist Dick Gere and Hindu Julie Roberts and replace them with like a really rich Russian, who's too young to have that much money and handsome. But here's the twist, he's nice, too!"
"How's that a twist? Richard Gere was the nicest John ever, and Roberts was a ditz."
"Yeah, a sexy ditz. We'll make the protagonist smart, a shark in this version, and -- get this -- they're the victims, like of the Mafia. The women will eat it up, eat their hearts out, and their daughters will push ticket sales like it's all new material."
"Brilliant! What do we call it?"
"Hmm, we'll ask the Numerology Department to come up with something esoteric like, 'A whore huh?'"
"'A bore huh?'"?
"No, neither nor nor bore, wait, that's it! A nor 'uh!!"
"I like it! What's her last name?"
"Like 'Cher,' just Anoruh?"
"But that's 1+5+6+9+3+8=32=5. We need a 3. Let's try 1+5+6+1=3. That checks out!"
"The department suggests Mikheeva as her surname, which adds up."
"Get the psychics in here, we got ourselves a sequel!"
Conan O'Brien's Oscars 2025 opening monologue
No comments:
Post a Comment