|Miss Oklahoma Olivia Jordan was crowned Miss USA during the 2015 beauty pageant in Baton Rouge, July 12, 2015. She deftly fielded the interview portion of the competition by saying the U.S. needs to improve race relations and beat out 50 other contestants (AP).|
|U.S. used to judge cabbages and babies. Who'll win this year? Miss Nevada Brittany McGowan, Miss Maryland Mame Adjei, Miss Rhode Island Anea Garcia, Miss Texas Ylianna Guerra, and Miss Oklahoma Olivia Jordan compete during the 2015 Miss USA beauty pageant (AP).|
|Who will win? Early returns say it's Fat Cat, Mr. Whiskers (Dan Piraro/bizarro.com)|
|Those filthy stupid Mexicans, except for some which I heard can be good... the Trumpenator|
|El Shorty a.k.a. Kingpin Joaquin Guzman (AP)|
Narco-trafficker, cartel kingpin, and all-around mob boss Jack "The Shorty" Gustafson (Joaquin El Chapo Guzman) has "broken out" (i.e., been let out by corrupt officials who are paid off to give the cartel leader a chance to run free and be caught later as another payoff sees to it that the U.S. gets him extradited, imprisoned, and tortured) of a Mexican maximum security prison.
|Scale of drug lord's tunnel escape is mind-blowing (newser.com)|
|Get Shorty before he gets me!|
Moreover, El Shorty is tweeting from his own twitter account, so of course the NSA, CIA, and NSC know exactly where he is and what he's up to -- and he's tweeting one man in particular: That's right, Donald Trump.
|Is fraulein Taylor Swift a Nazi?|
A mobster overhears and hoping to get a nice dispensation from the Boss (el jefe) flies to Florida and oh-no, hello, Mr. Trump, and goodbye.
|They awoke to find "A World Gone Mad" (Tom Tomorrow/thismodernworld.com)|
|Republicans hate Democrats like it's Bloods vs. Crips except no one told Boehner or Pelosi.|
|Closet candidates crash party (LIH)|
|RepubliCrats (Tom Tomorrow/TMW)|
[This is strategic: The more candidates, the easier it is for one to rise to the top on the smallest of margins. So goodbye Rand Paul, hello preselected Bush]. More
- WQ endorses Rand Paul, but we'll settle for his discredited father or Carly Fiorina, since it's just a figurehead position with no real power. See The Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy for explanation of there being no real power vested in the office for a person so eager to rule that s/he will do anything to get there. Only a person who does not want the job is qualified. So on the Democratic side, consider Bernie Sanders and vote Dr. Jill Stein.
|What about me! You owe me this!|
|Dawning of the Obvious: Confederate flag or gay marriage? (JenSorensen.com)|