Single, Black, and Dating in the Middle East

Nicole Brewer (fodors.com); Ashley Wells, Crystal Quintana., CC Liu (eds.), Wisdom Quarterly

Looking for a polished gem, but will settle for a diamond in the rough. Help, Dating Apps!

The dating (mis)adventures of a single Black woman in the Middle East

I’ve been living in Oman for over eight years as an English language teacher by day and freelance travel writer and blogger by night.

• Oman Travel Guide - Expert picks for your vacation | Fodor’s Travel (fodors.com)

Go on. I'm listening.

From my experience living in the region and traveling to nearly 50 countries, Omanis are some of the kindest individuals in the world.

Oman has been ranked one of the safest countries for ex-pats to live in, according to the annual Ex-pat Insider Report by Internations. I’ve always felt safe and welcomed in what many call the "Pearl of Arabia."

Of course, while living in the Middle East, one of the first questions I tend to receive is about dating. When I first moved to Oman, I told myself I would not date. Granted, I only expected to stay a year or two. However, I fell in love with the region.

As luck would have it, I met someone who caught my eye within my first week of moving to this enchanting country. He was an African Omani (mother from Burundi, father from Oman). It wasn’t a traditional love story, especially for the region.

Cultural differences are bound to happen

I could be interested. What's up?

We met at a hotel bar while hanging out with friends after work. I was with my college colleagues, and he was with his oil company coworkers.

Most Omani men wear traditional dress clothes called dishdashas. Yet, when my ex and I met, he wore jeans and a t-shirt just like anyone else foreign to the region. He didn’t hide that he was Omani once we began to chat.

But while talking to him, I often had to remind myself of this fact. To my surprise, I went from not planning to date in the region to having a significant other within months.

Pretty early in the relationship, he confessed his love for me. This nearly scared me off because, as an American, early confessions of love can be seen as a red flag.

In the past, while living in South Korea, guys approached me with the same fervor, with some specifically looking for an American woman to get a green card to the States. This was one of the first cultural differences I noticed in dating someone from the Middle East compared to back home in the West.

Another huge cultural difference was that I am Christian, and he was — while not wholly practicing — a Muslim. It was haram (i.e., forbidden by Islamic law) for him to date me. Nevertheless, he did so, but later this became a huge point of contention when things became serious.

His Omani family and friends would never accept me unless I converted to Islam, which I had no plans of doing. My paranoia of feeling our entire relationship lived in the shadows ultimately became our undoing.

Dating app fails are universal

A couple of years after my failed relationship with an Omani, I decided to try dating apps. While plenty of guys were looking for hookups, I filtered through the app and met someone I coined “Mr. PhD,” based in Abu Dhabi.

I chatted with Mr. PhD for over a year before we decided to meet in person during one of my weekend trips to the UAE (United Arab Emirates) as a travel influencer. More