National Breakup Day: reflect, grow, move on
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| May the Force be with you...but not today. |
Love hurts, and breaking up hurts worse. So hu-man up! Don't act like such a clingy ghost. That is to say, get out of Buddhist cosmology's Realm of Hungry Ghosts. If you can't help it, talk to addiction medicine specialist Dr. Gabor Maté, who says we can become addicted to anything, even a partner (even though no person, sexual act, or substance is, in and of itself, addictive. If it were, everyone partaking would become an addict, and they don't. So why did we? It's because of our history of early childhood traumas. We are predisposed. That history combined with pleasant dopamine-pleasures = hardcore addiction. And today is the day we are disposed.
Now are ye undeceived.*
It gives singles -- and even those who are attached in a committed relationship, marriage, or handfasting -- a day to reflect on past relationships and realize our own personal growth gained from those experiences.
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Why do people break up? Top 5 reasons
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| The Linda Lindas play Bear Mtn for KROQ |
Nothing hurts worse than realizing the person you were in love with is an evil jerk
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| I'll never write a spiteful song about this guy. He's perfect. And we'll always be happy! |
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| Let's stand by this star as the world burns. |
“Lo! there ye stand, my children,” said the figure, in a deep and solemn tone, almost sad, with its despairing awfulness, as if his once angelic [now demonic] nature could yet mourn for our miserable [human] race.
“Depending upon one another’s hearts, ye had still hoped that virtue were not all a dream! Now are ye undeceived! — Evil is the nature of [hu]mankind. Evil must be your only happiness. Welcome, again, my children, to the communion of your race!”
“Welcome!” repeated the fiend-worshippers, in one cry of despair and triumph. And there they stood, the only pair, as it seemed, who were yet hesitating on the verge of wickedness, in this dark world.
A basin was hollowed, naturally, in the rock. Did it contain water, reddened by the lurid light? or was it blood? or, perchance, a liquid flame? Herein did the Shape of Evil dip his hand, and prepare to lay the mark of baptism upon their foreheads, that they might be partakers of the mystery of sin, more conscious of the secret guilt of others, both in deed and thought, than they could now be of their own.
The husband cast one look at his pale wife, and Faith at him. What polluted wretches would the next glance show them to each other, shuddering alike at what they disclosed and what they saw!
“Faith! Faith!” cried the husband. “Look up to Heaven, and resist the Wicked One!”
Whether Faith obeyed, he knew not. Hardly had he spoken, when he found himself amid calm night and solitude, listening to a roar of the wind, which died heavily away through the forest. He staggered against the rock, and felt it chill and damp, while a hanging twig, that had been all on fire, besprinkled his cheek with the coldest dew ("Young Goodman Brown" classic American literature, 1835 short story about 17th century Puritan New England).
If only the Buddha had had anything to say about suffering
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No. Of course, it was suffering (dukkha) and the end of suffering (nirvana). Why would anyone "teach suffering"? The Buddha had to make clear what "suffering" means. He defined it very handily and broadly, a functional definition for the cure he is about to present. What is the use of being told there's a cure if we haven't realized what disease we have been suffering from? "Pain" is much broader than we've imagined, as it includes disappointment, frustration, loss, separation, and even the excruciating agony of heartbreak.
But that's so pessimistic!
No, it isn't. It's a setup for the presentation of the antidote, solution, cure -- the path of practice to bring ALL suffering to a final end. We never even imagined we could bring it to an end, hoping death would do that for us. Death does not do that at all! Why? There is rebirth, and the reason there is rebirth is because there is craving and karma as yet to bring about its many results of all our skillful and unskillful deeds.
ALL disappointment, unsatisfactoriness, and woe CAN be brought to an end, a final end for it to never arise again. That is the great optimism of Buddhism, the "good news" of the Buddha's message to a benighted world of humans and devas (light beings, shining ones).
Suffering (dukkha): Disappointment is one of the Three Universal Marks of Existence. Various sutras sum up how cognitive processes result in our aversion (resistance, hate, fear, revulsion) to unpleasant things and experiences as we are moved to crave, grasp at, and cling to pleasure (sukha), keeping us in saṃsāra, the Cycle of Death and Rebirth. It is at the root of the Five Aggregates clung to as "self": (re)birth is suffering, aging, illness, death, sorrow, lamentation, mental pain, grief, and despair are s; suffering, asociation with the unloved, separation from the loved, NOT GETTING what one wants, getting what one does not want, all of this is "suffering." In brief, the Five Aggregates clung to as self (khandha, skandhas) are suffering.
The Four Noble Truths are Buddhism in a nutshell because they present the whole of the path of practice in four ennobling (enlightening) statements, like the assessment of a master physician:
- Diagnosis: There is a disease (suffering)
- Etiology: There is a cause of that disease (craving rooted in ignorance and associated with aversion)
- Prognosis: There is a solution
- Cure: There is way to the solution (magga, the path).
The fourth truth is the general Ennobling Eightfold Path, but there is a more detailed summary enumerated in the 37 Requisites of Awakening/Enlightenment (bodhipakkhiya-dhamma).
- Dhr. Seven, Amber Larson, Ashley Wells, Ananda (Dharma Buddhist Meditation) (eds.), Wisdom Quarterly
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