SEXUAL MISCONDUCT is misbehavior of a sexual nature that exists on a spectrum [1] that may include a broad range [2] of sexual behaviors considered unwelcome.
This includes conduct considered inappropriate on an individual or societal basis of morality [3], sexual harassment, and/or criminal sexual assault.
However generally [3], from a purely legal standpoint, sexual misconduct is a "lay term" [3] that represents a boundary that has been broken, dictated by a moral set of conduct [1], particularly where the situation is normally non-sexual and therefore unusual for sexual behavior, or where there is some aspect of personal power (like a teacher-student relationship) or authority that makes sexual behavior inappropriate.
I'm not a rapist! I was just on a horny power trip.
A common theme, and the reason for the term "misconduct," is that these violations occur during work or in a situation of a power imbalance (such as sexual harassment by a boss or authority figure) [3].
The alleged misconduct can be of various degrees, such as exposure of breasts and genitals, assault, aggressive come-ons, pleading, or even mere inattentiveness to nonverbal cues of discomfort [4].
The "definition of sexual misconduct is far from clear," and it is a "lay term, sometimes used in institutional policies or by professional bodies," to deal with cases marked by power imbalance, coercion, and predatory behavior" [5]. More
When is it "rape"?
I'm just looking, J. - Soon you'll be touching, D.
STATUATORY RAPE is sexual activity in which one of the individuals is below the age of consent, which mean the age required to legally consent to sexual activity.
Although the term statutory rape usually refers to adults engaging in sexual contact with minors under the age of consent, it is a generic term, and very few jurisdictions use it in the language of statutes.
In statutory rape, no overt force or threat is usually present. Statutory rape laws presume coercion because a minor or mentally disabled adult is legally incapable of giving consent to the sexual act.
In many jurisdictions, the "age of consent" is interpreted to mean mental or functional age [1]. As a result, victims can be of any chronological age if their "mental age" makes them unable to consent to a sexual act [1, 2, 3]. More
(American Vintage Tales) Nobody realized what the "Chocolate Factory" was hiding, not even sassy, greedy, entitled Veruca Salt. It becomes clear that this whole franchise is not about the kids. Like Gilligan's Island, it's really a morality play about human archetypes and personifications of the Seven Deadly Sins under a sweet and sinister examiner. That's why it resonates so well.
White Fragility: Why It's So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism is a book written by Robin DiAngelo about modern race relations in the United States. An academic with experience in diversity training, DiAngelo coined the term "white fragility" to describe what she views as any defensive instincts or reactions that a white person experiences when questioned about race or made to consider one's own race.
Author Robin Jeanne DiAngelo
In White Fragility, DiAngelo views racism in the United States as systemic and often perpetuated subconsciously (below conscious awareness, aka implicit bias) by individuals. She recommends against viewing racism as committed intentionally by "bad people" and instead advocates for seeing it for what it is. More
In our second investigation, Ms. Denny gets out of hand because she is hiding multiple identification documents. She shoplifts then wants to pay for the items, even though the clerk has previously refused the sale. She's bouncy and privileged with enough of a sense of entitlement that "Phil Lincoln," presumably the aggressive police officer responding to the call, gets tired of it very quickly and takes her down that results in broken glass from a bottle of stolen alcohol and charges of resisting arrest without violence in addition to petty theft.
Women of Crime: nepotism from corrupt cop (police chief) dad who got her five felony charges knocked down to three misdemeanors for his beautiful, fine and upstanding princess.
Stay far away from fools, and instead associate with the wise
Avoiding fools and
Associating with the wise,
Giving respect to the deserving,
This is [among] life's highest blessings.
Sattigumba and Pupphaka
Asevanā ca bālānaṃ, paṇḍitānañca sevanā;
Pūjā ca pūjaneyyānaṃ
etaṃ maṅgalamuttamaṃ.
Maṅgala Sutra
That's a good bird! - Thank you, sir.
These lines verses from the "Blessings Sutra" uttered by the Buddha who was asked, “What is life's highest blessing?” He spoke of 38 blessings. However, this first verse is perhaps the most important. We are smart to distinguish the fools from the wise.
The Commentary to this verse explains: Fools commit unskillful karma (demeritorious deeds of body, speech, and mind).
The wise create skillful karma (meritorious deeds of body, speech, and mind). The wise develop virtue (sila, morality, ethical conduct).
Lay Buddhists keep Five Precepts, Eight Precepts on fasting (lunar observance) days, and Ten Precepts on retreat or during intensive practice). Monastics vow to adhere to 227 Precepts, including eight more for females who follow the garudhammas.
When a wise person hears about or recollects the Five Precepts, or a wise monastic hears about or calls to mind the 227 Precepts, that person becomes happy.
When one hears of the unskillful karma created by breaking precepts, one becomes happy because of not having broken those precepts and knowing that bad karmic results (resultants and fruits or vipaka and phala) will be avoided.
When one hears of skillful karma due to virtue, one becomes happy, knowing that welcome results will come. This is true for "wise" people, according to the Bālapaṇḍita Sutra (MN 129).
I'm not a fool. I'm drunk -- and loving it. 🤢🤮
Fools (bāla) are described in the same discourse:
Suppose a fool is sitting in a council hall, street, or crossroads, where people are discussing what is proper and suitable. And suppose that fool is someone who kills living creatures, steals, engages in sexual misconduct, lies (deceives), and uses intoxicants that occasion negligence. That fool thinks:
"‘These people are discussing what is proper and fitting; those things are found in me, and I am seen in them!’
"This is the first kind of suffering and sadness a fool experiences in the present life.
"Those who fail to uphold the Five Precepts [which are useful for all humans of whatever religion or philosophy] for lay practitioners or 227 for monastics become fearful when they hear these precepts and the negative results from breaking them. They are called fools."
Actually, the ones who become afraid have some hints of wisdom, for they know they should change [so as to avoid future suffering].
I'm starting to think you might be a bad influence on me. - Shut the front door, Birdbrain.
.
It is the ones without fear who do not become afraid at all when hearing these things who are absolute fools. They are the most dangerous because they hold wrong views and act on them. They are dangerous because they believe the unskillful actions they do are actually skillful, and they spread these wrong views with others.
The Commentary to the Maṅgala Sutra, "The Discourse on Blessings," says that this is like a house on fire, burning: It easily spreads to neighboring houses.
Spiritual development starts with being morally wise. After morality is developed, one is capable of developing stillness of mind (samatha, samadhi).
Those who have developed stillness (samadhi, unification, concentration, coherence) have completed the second part of “being wise.”
The third part is to develop insight knowledge or vipassana. One must have the ability to focus, be calm, and remain still to develop insight knowledge. And one must have virtue (morality) to develop focus (non-distractedness).
That is why it is said that virtue, stillness, and wisdom (sīla, samādhi, and paññā), in this order and not in any other order, is the path to enlightenment.
The highest level of insight is the glimpsing or realization of nirvana (Pali nibbāna). And the highest level of attaining nirvana (while still alive) is full enlightenment or arahant knowledge.
While a person yet lives, this is called enlightenment with remainder because one is still experiencing the results of previous karma, while no longer accruing any new karma. All intentional actions at this point are called kriyas or "simple (functional) actions." They do not bear fruit. When one enters final nirvana or parinibbana, this is enlightenment without remainder.
An arhat (arahant) is someone in whom passion (greed and clinging), aversion (hatred and fear), and delusion (ignorance and wrong views) are completely destroyed without remainder. These are the noble ones who have laid down the burden, who have made an end of suffering and rebirth here and now.
Where do I ordain?
Wanting to practice a direct path to enlightenment free of all worldly distractions, many people ask where to ordain. To find a proper abbey, look for spiritually wise monastics. While this is difficult to discern by merely looking, morally wise monastics are easier to detect.
One cannot be spiritually wise without being morally wise. Therefore, start at a place where both the monastic rules (vinaya) and meditation are regarded as important.
Rotten apple
[In the West, one bad apple rots the entire barrel.] In addition to a burning house spreading fire to another, the Maṅgala Sutra Commentary speaks of rotten fish spreading rot to nearby objects.
One who ties up putrid fish
with blades of kusa grass
makes the kusa grass smell foul:
so it is in the following fools
(It 68, 9-12, Ja IV 435, 28-29, JaVI 236 4-5).
Maṅgala Sutra Commentary: In contrast, the commentary explains that if one were to wrap tagara jasmine flowers with leaves, those leaves would become wonderfully fragrant.
One who ties up tagara
with leaves [fallen from a tree]
makes the leaves sweetly fragrant:
So it is in following the wise
(It 68, 13-16, Ja IV 436, 1-2, Ja VI 236, 6-7).
Maṅgala Sutra Commentary: This is literally used to explain that whatever is near to us can easily “rub off” on us. Perhaps the best example of this is our language or accent.
Not long ago, if someone were from New York City or Long Island, one could easily tell by the way that person talked.
My father is from the Bronx, and everyone who hears him speak knows it. This is becoming a thing of the past because of TV and internet videos that are homogenizing us.
Think about it. Television and internet media affect us in deeply rooted and subconscious ways. They affect the way we speak without us realizing it. If they can affect the way we sound to others, why would they not impact our attitudes, beliefs, and morals without us realizing it?
As internet algorithms choose more and more polarizing and extreme material to present to us, those things will become a part of us. They become the new normal. They already have.
We are encouraged to associate or live with the wise, with those who are higher than us in terms of morality and wisdom. This is very important because it will be easy for this to rub off on us, such as the fragrance of flowers.
The twin parrots Buddhist birth story
The Sattigumba Jātaka is listed in the Commentaries quoted above to explain this point.
It is the tale of two parrots born as twins. A storm comes, and they are separated shortly after birth.
One bird is raised by a gang of thieves, the other by hermit wandering ascetics. The king comes across both parrots at different times. The first encounter is the bad parrot who speaks of stealing and killing, while the other speaks of sharing and kindness. The king is moved by the difference between the two.
This story may seem hard to believe, but we can find examples of parrots on YouTube that point this out. Believe it or not, many parrots are in need of shelter. Enter “parrot + a location” into a search engine and see the many organizations looking for new nests for their avian orphans.
The video above is about a rescued bird who lived with bad people and witnessed a terrible crime.
This parrot witnessed the murder of its owner. It became a key witness at the trial in the human world. Likewise, there are numerous channels with loving parrots who obviously had loving owners, such as this one:
Hey, give me a kiss. - Sure, 'bout time you asked. Hey, WTH? Why you you little love-blocker!
Hello? What the H do you want? - Les, is that U?
This post by Bhante, now edited by Wisdom Quarterly, is dedicated to Bhante’s cousin, Les Brodie, who died. He had a well-trained talking bird and told me about what a joy it was to have it. It had its own bike, and the bird would often pick up the house phone with its claw on the first ring and imitate his voice, “Hello? Uh huh...ummm...yes...uh huh…”
Apparently, sometimes his friends would have whole conversations with the bird without Les knowing it. He was a very special bird, and his person was not so bad either.
If we are parents, our children are our parrots. They are watching and listening whether we like it or not, and they will mimic and model themselves after us.
Moreover, WE are all talking birds, parroting whomever we follow and associate with. Those with whom we associate rub off on us like wrapping around stinky fish or fragrant flowers. So it is wise to be wise in choosing our associates.
Avoiding fools and
Associating with the wise,
Giving respect to those worthy of it,
This is life’s highest blessing.
Pa Auk Sayadaw student Bhante Subhuti (americanmonk.org), 4/22/22; Amber Larson and Dhr. Seven (eds.), Wisdom Quarterly orig. published June 3, 2024
Why has the day of All Hallows Eve — Hallowe’en — devolved into a day of fun and fear? How was this once-Holy Day commemorated before it was all commercialized into a sexy and scary night? Is it possible to discover the roots of this day and observe it in its original fashion today?
My circle of friends attempted to answer these questions. We determined that we’d need to dig up whatever historical facts [like Sir Frazer's The Golden Bough] we could find that show how this day was commemorated before the Year 1700, more or less.
The Golden Bough: A Study in Comparative Religion (retitled The Golden Bough: A Study in Magic and Religion in its second edition, gutenberg.org)
Though we couldn’t be 100% certain, we at least assumed that “commercialization” didn’t really exist in 1700. All of the European and some American commemorations before that year probably retained some semblance of what the day was originally all about. So, first, let’s begin with the day.
It is believed that the ancient Celts observed something called a “Samhainfestival” toward the end of October. The World Book Encyclopedia states: “The Celts believed that the dead could walk among the living at this time.”
During Samhain (pronounced \sao-in\), the living could visit with the dead. Elements of the customs can be traced to a Druid ceremony in pre-Christian times.
The Celts had festivals for two major gods — a sun god and a god of the dead (called Samhain), whose festival was held on Nov. 1st, the beginning of the Celtic New Year. More: The Roots of Hallowe’en
(Lion's Roar) It was this Burmese Buddhist monk’s first visit to America, and it was my first real visit with a monk. He was staying at a house in the Chicago suburbs, teaching anapanasati meditation — “watching the breath” — to anyone interested enough to stop by.
I was eager to learn how to meditate (without bursting out laughing, like the first time I tried it), so he invited me to come and hang out for a few days.
The Dharma of Star Wars
Those five days in late October were a cultural exchange. The monk taught me how to watch my breath: in-out, in-out, breathing in, breathing out. And if I remember correctly, I got him to watch Star Wars.
On the morning of October 31st, somewhat disconnected from the world, I suddenly remembered it was Halloween. I explained that children might be coming by that night trick-or-treating and that we should be ready. He’d never heard of Halloween and asked me to tell him about it. So I did.
I gave him the lowdown on the holiday: ghosts, goblins, costumes, skeletons…
“Skeletons!” he exclaimed suddenly. “That is wonderful, wonderful! In Burma we do skeleton meditation[charnel groundcontemplations on repulsiveness]. Very good, very good. We must get a skeleton! Continue.”
Then I explained trick-or-treating.
“Oh, that is wonderful. So much opportunity for giving. We must have lots of candy for the children and tell them all to come here. Wonderful, wonderful!”
"Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose" is wise advice either way.
.
Why are you always so cheerful, R2D2?
So we hopped in the car, and I drove him to a big discount store. Or at least tried to — it was raining hard, and my windshield wipers were stuck, so I couldn’t see anything. We got lost, ending up on a highway I never meant to take.
“No matter,” he said, reassuring me with a serene smile. “This is wonderful. Now I am seeing more of this city. Very good.”
When we finally found the store, I took him to the Halloween aisle, where he carefully scrutinized the skeletons to find one that would serve our purpose best. And what would that purpose be, exactly? I wasn’t sure whether we were going to hang the skeleton on the outside of the front door or sit facing it with legs crossed, contemplating our mortality.
In the end he settled on the biggest one he could find, a four-foot hanging skeleton made of black-and-white cardboard bones strung together that glowed in the dark. I grabbed as many bags of candy as I could afford with the cash I had on hand (my favorite brands, of course).
There were already a few people in costume out and about, buying last-minute supplies. My monk friend was wearing the same [Buddhist saffron, purplish, ochre, pumpkin-colored] rusty-brown robe he wore every day, wrapped around him like a pleated toga and rubber flip-flops totally unsuited to the fall weather.
In the checkout line, we received lots of puzzled looks and raised eyebrows as people tried to figure out what exactly this guy was supposed to be dressed up as.
When we got back to the house, my monk friend started shoving the one-pound bags of bite-size candy bars, unopened, up against the windows.
“This is so the children will know we have candy for them,” he said, beaming with pride.
“They will see the candy and they will come here.”
I explained that having the lights on would probably be a good enough sign and that hanging the skeleton on the door would also be, um, a dead giveaway. I suggested we put the candy on a tray, but he insisted we leave at least one bag where the kids would be most likely to see it [and know where to put the rock to grab it]. He put the rest into a big salad bowl.
Finally, shortly after dark, the first kids arrived.
“TRICK OR TREAT!” the little voices shouted as the monk opened the door, then their eyes went wide. “What are you supposed to be?” they asked, looking up, amazed and befuddled by his costume.
“I am Buddhist monk!” he said, grinning. That didn’t quite register with the kids, who quickly shifted their attention to the candy on offer.
“Take more, take more!” he insisted. “We must giveif we want to receive.”
After closing the door, he turned to me with a radiant smile.
“All my life I have begging bowl. But this is not begging bowl. Today I have giving bowl! Wonderful, wonderful. I like Halloween!”
The next day, my monk friend sat and stared serenely at the glow-in-the-dark skeleton, contemplating [the repulsive aspects of this body and] his own mortality, while I munched on leftover bite-size candy bars, contemplating my unusual Buddhist Halloween.
AUTHOR: Peter Aronson is a freelance journalist and former NPR contributor currently living in Dharamsala, India. In addition to his writing, he is attending courses in Buddhism at the Library of Tibetan Works and Archives.
Peter Aronson (lionsroar.com); edited and expanded by Team Halloween and Sayalay Scary, Wisdom Quarterly
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