"Everything I know about Buddhism I learned from Lisa. D'oh! "
Will I get hit with a stick sometimes? And by who? Or is it only cranky Zen folk who hit? How many bowls of water are there supposed to be? Why is it water? What direction do we fill them in? How do I use the mala -- do I even use the mala? Is it just for special people? If you pick a tradition to belong to and then decide you don't like the stick thing, can you swap? And so on.
I have a brother-in-law who is Buddhist. He is very different than me. He likes to tell me answers to questions I'm not very interested in without me asking. He doesn't like certain other traditions of Buddhists. He calls them rude names. It's kind of confusing. I guess he's human. Sometimes I really want to kick him.