Friday, September 10, 2010

"The Simpsons" Dharma

"Everything I know about Buddhism I learned from Lisa. D'oh! "

(Bookbird) As many folks know, I'm a Buddhist newbie. I'm so new on the path I don't know how to pronounce anything, bow properly, address monks and nuns appropriately, or what Buddhist tradition I really belong to.

I haven't "taken refuge" [gone to the Three Jewels for guidance] yet because I don't really know how. I don't know what happens if you are standing there attempting to "take refuge" and forget the words. Does Buddha have a sense of humor? I hope so.


Will I get hit with a stick sometimes? And by who? Or is it only cranky Zen folk who hit? How many bowls of water are there supposed to be? Why is it water? What direction do we fill them in? How do I use the mala -- do I even use the mala? Is it just for special people? If you pick a tradition to belong to and then decide you don't like the stick thing, can you swap? And so on.

I have a brother-in-law who is Buddhist. He is very different than me. He likes to tell me answers to questions I'm not very interested in without me asking. He doesn't like certain other traditions of Buddhists. He calls them rude names. It's kind of confusing. I guess he's human. Sometimes I really want to kick him.

I stopped writing for a week or so because I suddenly felt like a dust mote on top of a speck that sits in a dark corner at the end of the meditation hall, probably facing the wrong way.

I feel like Homer Simpson, walking into walls and shouting D'oh! That's me. I kinda wondered to myself, What business is it of mine to have anything to say? I don't know anything!

About a year ago I was talking to my friend M. We were saying what a bummer it is to realize life is an ilusion and that we were creating our own suffering. And now that I am woken up in this way, I CAN NEVER GO BACK. I want to, sometimes. I want to get mad at people and blame them and eat cookies and reinforce the idea that it was completely the fault of my childhood. I don't want to remember that if I am mindful I can work with my anger and my cookie addiction. More>>

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