Ashley Turner (ashleyturner.org); edited by Seven, Ashley Wells, Wisdom Quarterly
Let’s look at all aspects of LOVE -- the beauty, magic, and transformative power of making love (SEX).
Whether one is single, married, or in a relationship, here are some practical, yogic tools to transition from having sex to "making love."
The key is to view ourselves as whole beings and engaged in sexuality that is holistic -- not just a physical or emotional experience. When we honor our sexuality as a potent energy we possess (literally, the ability to create life), we realize a powerful opportunity for cultivating UNION (yoga) -- a deep, spirited merging between two people.
We can turn our love-making into a spiritual practice. [Spirit is breath, prana, chi, life-energy.] We can use sex to awaken, express creativity, and expand consciousness.
In yoga, what we call brahmacharya can go from celibacy to "containment and mindful use of sexual energy" and therefore become one of the ten foundations (yamas) of living a yogic life. Perhaps love can become the vehicle or path to the highest (Brahman). How?
1. Choose Partners Wisely
Look for and choose partners that have the same intention. For example, if we are seeking a relationship, be clear that the other person has the same intention. If we just want a lover, make sure our partner is on the same page. Is this a monogamous relationship or an open one? Transparency builds mutual trust and understanding and creates the safety necessary for psyche and soul (ego, spirit) to feel safe enough to expand. Having honest, direct conversations means we are setting the foundation for love and respect.
2. Agree on Ground Rules
Prior to entering into a sexual relationship, have a conscious dialogue around basics such as sexually transmitted diseases, what type of birth control will be used, and even what happens if pregnancy results. It’s crucial to set and agree on ground rules in order to build a foundation where both partners feel understood. If we have trouble discussing touchy subjects with a partner, that is a good indication that there is not enough care, friendship, emotional connection, or psychological development between the two parties to warrant moving into a sexual relationship. In other words, if we can’t be honest about our needs or truth -- let us ask ourselves why? Is this really an appropriate sexual partner? Bonus: deeper intimacy and physical satisfaction comes when we feel safe, heard, and respected.
3. Practice Deep Breathing
Before entering into physical love-making, get in the habit of slowing down and resonating with a partner by breathing together. Conscious sexuality is not about orgasm. It’s not even about intercourse. When we focus our attention on the breath, we move out of a goal-oriented, physical process into a more "feeling state" connected to our subtle, non-linear, energetic body.
Making love is two people truly seeing, feeling, celebrating, and honoring each other. A merging of the two into the one. When we deepen and slow our breath, we open over 72,000 energetic pathways or nadis. This relaxes the body, increasing blood circulation, which can lead to fuller, more pleasurable orgasms (which is not necessarily the goal, just another bonus). It also calms the mind and softens the ego. We will begin to connect to our partner from a more generous, humble, open, and authentic place. If one notices that continued deep, conscious breathing is difficult -- get thyself to a YOGA CLASS! More
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