Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Wisdom Quarterly to go Baptist (cartoon)

I. Rony, Wisdom Quarterly, April 1, 2014
Another Lord, or avatar, is born unto the world! The Sun of the Sky is now the Son of Man but still the Son of God, the Father, and that Pigeon the Holy Spirit.

Christ, Budai, Chrisna, Holy Cow, Tiki
Given that Lord Jesus -- like Lord Vishnu, and Lord Brahma, Lord Sakra -- was a Buddhist, our work is done.

Wisdom Quarterly: American Baptist Journal will be going Protestant, fundamentalist Christian and literalist. So when the Holy Bible says, "Thou shalt not," we shall not. 

And when it says, "Thou shalt," for example, "not suffer a 'witch' [a wise person or pharmacist] to live or tolerate sassy children who sass their parents," we shall "stone them to death" as literally commanded.

Why for? For the Lord God hath said so, and who are we to argue with the Controller, All-Knower, and Everywhere-Be'er? Maybe we should change our name to Faith Daily: U.S. Christian Diary.
Now that God gave us this child, I was thinking to name him Stewie. - I was thinking Jessie.
Better PR and humble, if fetishistic, hygiene
But, you know, the New Testament is a lot more Jesus-friendly than that creepy Father-friendly first part.

Maybe we won't be fundamentalists, but still very literal. When the new-and-improved Bible, which leaves off that Jewish-heavy winner-writes-the-history first part, says: Our creed(s) is this,

Our New Creed
A new creed means a new uptight lifestyle
"We believe in one God, the Father Almighty, Maker of all things visible and invisible. And in one Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, begotten of the Father, very God of very God, begotten, not made, being of one substance with the Father; By whom all things were made; Who for us men [not women, slaves, or animals], and for our salvation, came down and was incarnate and was made man [a tulku]; He suffered, and the third day he rose again, ascended into heaven; From thence he shall come [reincarnate again] to judge the quick and the dead. And in the Holy Ghost [spirit, breath of life, prana]."

Why Baptist?
Well, truth be told, we needed a B sect. That way we won't have to alter our letterhead that much -- out with the Budh (awakening), in with the Bapt (napping).

Buddhism was too free, too much about individual responsibility. It's concise propaganda statements of faith like this, which every Christian is forced to agree with, that really sells seats and pews.
Like us, God the Father probably likes TV (TIR)
Because, you know, like, "God so loved the world that [He didn't bother to come Himself but sent his young son in His place because He was probably busy with other stuff]."

On second thought, we may be going Catholic instead, not literally "universalist" but we can enlist in the army of the Holy Roman Empire. It's not so bad, what with the new and improved Papa (Father, Pontiff, Pope), His Holiness il Papa Francisco de Argentina, CEO Pope Francis I. At least Catholicism kept one symbolic woman (the Kwan Yin Mother Mary), and that way we can still be members of Pussy Riot singing the Punk Prayer.

The Exorcist priest got possessed
The Evil Pope (Cardinal Ratzinger, who by his own admission was once a Nazi, Pope John Paul II's right hand man), Benedict Arnold XVI, abdicated the throne. But his Chief Pontificate(r) history is amazing: He ran the "Holy Inquisition," which got a nice name change to the "Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith," according to former Catholic-insider now Episcopalian priest Mathew Fox. Maybe we should convert to EAS or the world's newest religion Jediism or Peter's faith:

Not easy being Father, harder to be His kids
(FOX) When Peter's dad visits the Griffins, he tries to impose his religious beliefs. Son Stewie ends up living in a bubble, and father Peter searches for a new religion. He find faith in his TV  hero the holy spirit of the Fonz. But "Happy Days" are not here: the newly established Church of the Fonz struggles to keep members.

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