Could there actually be an enlightened housewife with kids? Yes. Her name is Sona, "she of the many children." She is a married, loving mother of ten. She was born into a well-to-do family, lived comfortably, married into a more affluent husband, and was happy until all her children grew up and left. This is her true story.
At the time of the Buddha there lived in Savatthi a woman named Sona, wife and mother of ten. She had enjoyed nursing them, feeding them, educating them, and when they were older, finding suitable partners for them. Her whole life centered around her family, and she came to be known as "Sona with many children."
Her husband was a lay follower of the Buddha. When his children were all married relieving him of many responsibilities, he spent more and more time studying and practicing the Dharma. Before long, he was overwhelmingly inspired by the Buddha's Teachings. So he decided to join the Sangha by becoming a monk.
Sona of many children, enlightened bhikkhuni (uoregon.edu)
For a time all went well. Then, one by one, her children and their spouses began to feel that she was a burden to them. They had not really accepted their father’s decision to join the monastic Order, and they resented supporting their mother who was getting older and seemed a burden. Soon forgetting how much she had done for them, they hinted that she should stay with others. And so they passed her from sibling to sibling, quarrelling among themselves on who should care for Sona. They all felt trapped in an unfair arrangement with each of them bearing an unfair proportion of her support. The mother who had sacrificed and given her all was now regarded as no more than a nuisance.
After listening to the Buddha-Dharma, Sona began to analyze her feelings and disappointment in her children. Had she sacrificed and nurtured them selflessly or with an expectation of support in return? Had her love in fact been unconditional? Did her feelings measure up to the compassion and loving-kindness the Buddha advocated?
- Added details recounted in Disciples of the Buddha
Not want to be a burden, Sona decided to join the Buddha’s Order of Nuns to practice and develop selfless love and virtues. Following her husband’s path, she ordained. Before long, however, Sona realized that she had brought her old habits with her into the Order: She was an old woman set in her ways. Simply joining the Order had not changed her. She was often the target of criticism by younger nuns. Yet, she had difficulty changing her ways. Sona realized that spiritual purity was no easy task.
She began to practice mindfulness and clear comprehension (quiet self-observation in all she did) in earnest. She had to be aware of her emotions and weaknesses to discipline her mind/heart. Because she had entered the Order in her declining years, Sona knew she had to work harder than the younger nuns to prove herself. She practiced meditation with greater urgency than her spiritual sisters, often passing the entire night in sitting and walking meditation.
Left me in the nunnery
With instructions
To boil a cauldron of water.
Having fetched the water
I poured it into the cauldron.
I put the cauldron on the stove and sat,
Then my mind became composed.
I saw the Five Aggregates as impermanent,
I saw them as woeful and impersonal.
Having expelled all cankers from my heart,
Right there I attained arhatship."
-- (Apadana 234-236)
When the other nuns returned, Sona realized she had not boiled the water. Not wishing to disappoint the nuns or have them inadvertently violate the rules of etiquette (in asking someone with a superior attainment to do something), she used her newly acquired supernormal powers utilizing the heat element. The nuns, seeing no fire nor firewood, yet seeing the water boil, understood Sona's attainment and reported the extraordinary feat to the Buddha. The Buddha then declared Sona as "foremost among the nuns who put forth great effort," praising her energy and attainment by saying:
As a lazy, sluggish person,
Better it is to live a single day
Firmly arousing one’s effort."
-- (Dhammapada 112)
Psalms of the Sisters: Sona
Children I bore, ten in all,
Who the Dharma taught me:
Who I was, where I lived before.
The Signless Meditation I instigated [2],
And immediate release cultivated,
Without a trace of clinging, quenched!
The Five Aggregates I well comprehend
They yet exist, but with roots removed.
Standing on a stable basis sure,
Now rebirth is no more.
- Sona (Access to Insight)
- For Five Aggregates, 12 Sense Spheres, and 18 Elements, see Buddhist Dictionary (B.P.S. Kandy, for definitions).
- Signless: one of the Three Gates to freedom, the others being Desirelessness and Emptiness.
- The "Round" is Samsara, the cycle of rebirth, aging, and death due to the Aggregates of Clinging.
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