Why did the Buddhist Pope step down?

Ashley Wells, Pat Macpherson, Dhr. Seven, Wisdom Quarterly

Pedants love to preach, 14th Dalai Lama (left) and 16th Benedict Pope (WQ)

   

(ChristyB30/flickr.com)

Years before the current Catholic pope (papa, "father"), Benedict the 16th (Joe Ratzinger), opted or was legally/financially persuaded, to step down, the 14th Dalai Lama (Tenzin Gyatso) left office.

Who is the Dalai Lama, and why has he not been replaced?

According to Mahayana Buddhist lore, the "Dalai Lama" is just an office. But it is different in that it is again and again occupied by the same person.

How is this possible? There are three possibilities and three explanations: the historical Gautama Buddha never left samsara (which he did); Maitreya Buddha is already here (which makes the big Relics Tour building project with its massive Maitreya a bit of an anachronism); the being being reborn is not a buddha but a bodhisattva or "buddha-to-be."

All three possibilities must be mentioned because many lay Buddhists have little to no idea what the distinction is.

Could a buddha grow tired of dealing with China, a naga (dragon) kingdom/empire/police state?

Would Maitreya Buddha arrive long before the historical Gautama Buddha is said to have said he would?

Pederasty-preaching prelate (in private) proceeds to pedantic philological pursuits.

 

Is the male monastic hierarchy of the Pope-King immune from the monetary and sexual scandals the papacy is infamous for? Not at all, but it certainly does not hit the press nearly as often. Nevertheless, the comparisons between Tibetan Buddhism and Roman Catholicism are striking and more than superficial:

• Clerics reside in a Tibetan "Vatican" called the Potala Palace, in the former Himalayan empire's "Rome" or capital of Lhasa. (Like Rome and Italy, Tibet and China are semi-autonomous, one increasingly so, the other less so over time; in ancient times, Lhasa held spiritual sway from Mongolia to modern Bangladesh).
• Its priests (bikshus), bishops (head lamas), cardinals/archbishops (rinpoches), and the head of Vajrayana (Tibetan form of "Universalism" or Mahayana) Buddhism are led by a Dalai Lama. (Other Tibetan schools, like other schools of Christianity, have their own head, such as the Panchen Lama and the Eastern Orthodox Pope).
• The fancy hats, shimmering robes, bells, litanies, cathedrals built to enshrine humility, a church or community that seeks to control the secular as well as the spiritual...

So why did the Buddhist "pope" step down? Ultimately the reason(s) given were not unlike Ratzinger/Benedict's -- he's doing it to help the cause, help the people... and possibly to spend more quality time with their celebrity friends, spending millions in donations while giving the appearance of being ascetic at heart?
  
Vatican Vacancy

Suspiciously, it is not the Pope alone who is stepping down at 8:00 pm local-time today. All of those principals who might also be held to stand for the corporation (Vatican, Inc. or Holy Roman Catholic Church, Int'l.) in regard to a genocide lawsuit by indigenous Canadians or drug-money-laundering Vatican (IOR) bankers are also exiting. Therefore, the official who would step in in the event the pope had been pulled by the Judeo-Christian sky-god, YHWH/Zeus/Deus, is not there to step in, nor is his successor, nor his. There is a chancellor or proxy taking over as explained by the BBC (video).

• CARTOON SLIDESHOW: Benedict vacates the Vatican
• Why is sexual abuse rampant in religion?
• Newsflash: god recalls Pope

Dalai Lama becomes a "Masterchef" (video)

Greig Box-Turnbull, Daily Mirror July 19, 2011 (Mirror.co.uk)

The Dalai Lama (Tibet's pope-king) appeared as guest judge on "Masterchef."

The Dalai Lama yesterday [July 18, 2011] made a bizarre appearance as guest judge on the Australian version of Masterchef.

Stunned contestants prepared lunch for the Tibetan spiritual leader -- but he refused to rate their offerings, saying it would be against his Buddhist principles.

In a special episode of the hit TV show, the religious figurehead was presented with several sweet and savory veggie dishes as he took time out from his official duties on a visit Down Under.

Kindness is appreciated everywhere.

He liked a Sri Lankan curry with roti bread, but gnocchi -- an Italian dumpling -- was his least favorite. However, his most severe criticism about the gnocchi was the comment that the contestant “tried their best.”

Speaking about fine dining, the Dalai Lama also told the contestants: “My knowledge of these things is very limited. Whatever I get, I accept.

“As a Buddhist monk it is not right to prefer this food or that food.”

But he did [regrettably] reveal he was a huge fan of cheese and also said his other favorite foods included bread, tofu, mushrooms, desserts, and “especially” coriander.

Speaking about the food he was presented with on the show, he said: “They all had a special taste and beauty.” Source

Buddhist JOKES! Do Dalai Lamas laugh?

Seven & Amber Dorrian (Wisdom Quarterly), Ask.metafilter.com, ViewonBuddhism.org

Ha, ha, ha! (health.howstuffworks.com)

Humor is vital to living, now more so than ever. Buddhism has a sense of humor (i.e., Ajahn Brahm, "the Buddhist Seinfeld," a noble British Theravada monk and author who trained in the jungles of Thailand and is now the abbot of a large monastery and separate nunnery in Australia). American Buddhists in particular, many of them with Jewish roots (e.g., Nes Wisker), are funny. And Buddhist monks are often themost lighthearted of all (in our experience).

So it's odd that the Dalai Lama had never heard the most popular of a handful of ubiquitous "Buddhist jokes." One could travel in Buddhist circles or converse during post-meditation social hours and not have heard them.

But if he of all people hasn't, maybe readers haven't either. So here are some, starting with the one that went over the Dalai Lama's head. It happened on live TV when it was told to him with the assistance of interpreters by an Australian interviewer.

It took him a while, but I bet he finally got it (newsbiscuit.com)

The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza parlor, looks over the menu, and announces, "Make me One with everything!"

A lot is lost in translation. But how could it be that neither he nor his Buddhist interpreters -- who are fluent in both English and Tibetan -- had never heard it? It's got his name right in it.

• "Did you hear about the Dharma-Vac?"
• "No, what's that?"
• "The Buddhist vacuum cleaner. Millions were spent on its development, millions more on advertising it, yet there are about a million sitting unsold in a warehouse."
• "Why, what was the problem?"
• "Well, it turns out no one is interested in a vacuum cleaner with no attachments."

There are many variations in the telling, but the punch line is inexorable.

Park spots in front of Potala Palace, Lhasa, capital of Tibet

• Hundreds of monastics were called Potala Palace in Tibet's capital for a worldwide council of Buddhists. The Southern Buddhists came up from the subcontinent, the Northern Buddhists came down from China, and Mountain Buddhists came from all around the Himalayas -- all in fancy chauffeured cars.
• But where to park?
• The Hina-yana ["Smaller Vehicle"] got their first, but there were more Maha-yana ["Great Vehicle"], and after all the Vajra-yana ["Thunderbolt Vehicle"] drove the fastest.
• They were all honking and arguing for the best spots, disturbing the Dalai Lama who was waiting inside for them to convene the council.
• They continued to honk, they continued to argue.
• Finally the Dalai Lama came out and called them to order, pointing at the red and white signs closest to the palace and shouting: "Hinayana, Mahayana, Vajrayana -- ALL vehicles will be towed!"

It doesn't matter what "vehicle" or means we choose (or mix and match), the camps and categories that divide us all fall away. We all agree there is enlightenment, and this is not it. That enlightenment is not far very away. Either we need to practice or simply realize our interconnectedness in an instant so that this samsara will be our nirvana. We all agree meditation practice of some sort or another (breathing, recollecting, studying-and-reflecting, chanting, surrendering and accepting the moment, or hearing a sutra as the eye of wisdom arises) is decisive.

• A Buddhist monk, unfamiliar with American fast food habits, is surprised to see a hot dog cart in mid city Manhattan.
• "What's that?"
• "That's a hot dog stand, venerable sir," his friend answers.
• They approach, and the monk in his loftiest voice with Zen-like confidence, "Make me one with everything!"
• The hot dog maker looks him up and down, hands him the [vegetarian tofu] hot dog piled high, and announces, "That'll be five bucks."
• The monk hands him a twenty dollar bill and waits.
• The man goes about his business.
• And after a long time, the monk says, "Hey, what about my change?"
• The vendor looks him up and down again, "You should know better than anyone, change comes from within."
• The monk experiences satori.

More Jokes (variations on same themes)

Laughing Buddha at An Giang Pagoda, Vietnam (Tö/Denis De Mesmaeker/Flickr.com)

• Why can't the Dalai Lama vacuum under the sofa?
• Because he has no attachments. (Riotgrrl69)

• What did the Dalai Lama say to the hot dog vendor?
• Make me one with everything. (Jtron)

The hot dog vendor said, "That will be $2.50." The Dalai Lama handed him a five and waited.
Then the Dalai Lama said, "Hey where's my change?"
The hot dog vendor answered, "Change must come from within!" (Jessamyn)

• I hear the Dalai Lama recently fired his gardener, who had a degree in carnations but didn't dig reincarnations. (Weapons-grade pandemonium)

• The vendor said, "Change must come from within."
• The Dalai Lama admitted this was true, ate his hot dog, which gave him terrible breath and bothered his sore tooth.
• So he walked on over to the dentist's office.
• Although old and frail he often walked barefoot, as evidenced by the thickness of the soles of his feet.
• It is for this reason that he is sometimes known as the "super-calloused fragile mystic exhibiting halitosis."

The dentist inspected the tooth and said he could fill the cavity right away. But when he offered him Novacaine, the Dalai Lama declined, explaining that it was his practice to "transcend dental medication." (Wet Spot)

I can't help remembering the "Family Guy" episode where Peter sees a "Free Tibet" button, rushes to a pay phone, and says, "Hello, China? Yes, ALL the tea." (Spaceman_spiff)

Hellooooo Dalai! (Mattbucher)

• The hot dog vendor asks the Buddhist, "You want mustard, onion, chili, ketchup, or pickles with that dog?
• "Make me one with everything" he replies. (Essexjan)

If the Dalai Lama were a redneck, he'd believe in reintarnation. (Mr. Gunn)

• I once knew someone who was so dumb he thought a "dalai lama" was a Peruvian stuffed animal. (Pyramid termite)

"So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one -- big hitter, the Lama -- long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, 'Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.' And he says, 'Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.' So I got that goin' for me, which is nice." ("Caddyshack," Badgolfer.com)

Dalai firm on his decision to quit politics

FocusTaiwan.tw
(Reuters)

DHARAMSALA, India - The Dalai Lama, Tibet's spiritual leader, gave a definite "no" to a majority of Tibetan parliamentarians' request that he stay on to lead the government-in-exile. It was time he terminated an outdated system that had been there for four centuries, he told reporters at Dharamsala.

On March 10, he announced his intention to relinquish his political role to a popularly elected leader. "My desire to devolve authority has nothing to do with a wish to shirk responsibility. It is to benefit Tibetans in the long run," he said at the time. The cabinet of his government-in-exile has agreed to honor his decision. But the parliament-in-exile, which convened on March 14, hoped he would continue to lead.

During an interview with foreign media, the 75-year-old Nobel Peace Prize laureate said: "If (the parliamentarians) come tomorrow and the day after tomorrow, then I will tell them: No, my decision as far as an institution... More>>

• Despite Dalai Lama's rebuff, deputies urge him to stay on
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Dalai Lama vows to devolve power, leadership outdated

DHARAMSALA, India (Reuters) - The Dalai Lama said on Thursday that his leadership was as outdated as a monarchy and insisted he would relinquish a four-century old tradition of power despite opposition from within the Tibetan government-in-exile.

The Dalai Lama last week announced he would step down as Tibet's political leader to empower an elected prime minister, a move seen transforming the government-in-exile into a more assertive body in the face of Chinese pressure. But many exiled Tibetan leaders have opposed his devolving of power, fearful the movement could wane without the influence of a global celebrity adored by Hollywood stars and the 6 million Tibetans who worship him as a reincarnated leader.

"The rule by spiritual leaders, the rule by kings or rajas is now outdated," Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama who has been calling for democratic reforms since the 1960s, told a news conference in his first public statement since his decision. "I do not want to be like Mubarak." More>>

The Dalai Lama as a Higher Power

The 12-Step Buddhist: The Dalai Lama is my Higher Power
In Step 2 of the 12 Steps of addiction recovery, we're asked to come to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. What 12-Steppers tell you in the beginning is that you can choose your own concept of what that Higher Power is, as long as you choose something. That said, one big criticism of 12-Step programs is that even though they say you can choose your own HP, they really mean God.

The subtext: if you don't believe in God, you're not going to make it. And if you argue about it, you're not willing. And you have to be willing to make it. And if you don't believe now, you'll come around eventually. This leaves some people feeling like they can't do 12-Step recovery.

The book Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions from AA says, "The minute I stopped arguing, I began to see and feel." We call this "becoming teachable," which is a necessary part of accepting help. But it doesn't mean that we should become some kind of blind-idiot-conformist-follower. That's why I like Buddhism: it's based more on method than blind faith. More>>

China Increases Security in Tibet to Prevent Protests
BEIJING — For a second straight year, the Chinese government has increased security across parts of the vast Tibetan plateau to dissuade any Tibetans from holding protests this week to mark the anniversaries of ethnic uprisings.

Witnesses who have spent time recently in Lhasa, the Tibetan capital, and other Tibetan areas of western China say there are more police and paramilitary forces on the streets, some of them bearing automatic weapons.

On Tuesday, Ma Jun, the deputy chief of the Lhasa police force, said at a news conference that the police had begun a “crackdown storm” on March 2. He said 2,800 security officers had been deployed around the city and had examined thousands of people and nearly 150 businesses for signs of criminal activity, according to Xinhua, the state news agency.

A year ago, the Chinese government also blanketed the Tibetan region with security forces for fear that Tibetans would take to the streets as they did in March 2008.

• Tibetan Culture Week planned before Dalai Lama visit
  OXFORD, Ohio — Miami University is holding a Tibetan Culture Week March 22-26 in preparation of the Dalai Lama’s visit in October. The week will offer a series of lectures, meditation sessions and a prayer flag ceremony that are free and open to the public. Tibetan monk Geshe Kalsang Damdul, assistant director of the Institute of Buddhist Dialectics under the direct administration of the Dalai Lama, will lead the events. The programs come ahead of the Dalai Lama’s visit to Miami University on Oct. 20-22 to recognize a program that takes students to Dharamsala, India for an entire semester.
• Dalai Lama issues environmental plea on Facebook
  The 291-word message, which ends “We must act before it is too late,” tells us less about...the 14th Dalai Lama of Tibet, than it tells us about the last quarter century of environmental progress.
• Dalai Lama documentary wins Havel award at film festival
  PRAGUE (AP) — A documentary by two Tibetan filmmakers tracing a year in the life of the Dalai Lama has won the Vaclav Havel Award for its contribution to the protection of human rights. "The Sun Behind the Clouds" won the award at the 12th annual One World International Human Rights Documentary Film Festival yesterday.
• Rare Tibetan Buddhist shrine goes on display in Washington
  WASHINGTON, D.C. (AFP)— A complete Tibetan Buddhist shrine room including a silver Buddha, gem-encrusted adornments, and silk scroll paintings goes on display for the first time in Washington on today. It has been set up in a religiously accurate manner with ritual implements, including some blessed by the Dalai Lama... "The experience of entering the room is really quite profound and moving," said Debra Diamond, curator of South and Southeast Asian Art at the Freer and Sackler galleries in the US capital.
• Tibetans fear Chinese hand in Dalai Lama succession
• The Office of the Dalai Lama (HQ)
• Dalai Lama - Meditation - Tenzin Bob Thurman - Tibetan Buddhism

Dalai Lama out of hospital, needs "good rest"

The Dalai Lama gestures as he leaves Lilavati hospital in Mumbai September 1, 2008. The 73-year old exiled Tibetan spiritual leader was being treated for abdominal pains. Doctors said there was no cause for concern and more tests were being done, a Dalai Lama aide said (Reuters/Punit Paranjpe, India).

Slideshow: Dalai Lama

MUMBAI (AFP, 9-1-08) – The Tibetan spiritual leader, the Dalai Lama, was discharged from a Mumbai hospital on Monday, four days after being admitted with stomach pain, but said he still needs plenty of rest.

The 73-year-old Nobel peace laureate smiled and waved as he emerged from Mumbai's private Lilavati Hospital, an AFP photographer said. He shook hands with hospital staff before leaving in a bullet-proof car.

The Dalai Lama's spokesman, Tenzin Takhla, has said he has cancelled all engagements for three weeks and would now spend several days resting in Mumbai.

A hospital spokesman declined to comment on his state of health, but Samdhong Rinpoche, prime minister of the Tibetan government-in-exile, said the Dalai Lama was "very fine." "There is nothing to be worried about. The doctors have advised that he take some more rest," Rinpoche told AFP from the northern Indian hill town of Dharamshala, where the government-in-exile is based.

The Dalai Lama underwent a series of tests in Mumbai after admission to the hospital on Thursday following complaints of "abdominal discomfort." In a message issued by his office, the revered Buddhist leader said he was suffering from "fatigue" and that there was "no cause for concern." "The doctors attributed this to fatigue...They have advised me to have a good rest," the Dalai Lama was quoted as saying. A Tibetan official at the Dalai Lama's home said last week he had suffered a bout of diarrhoea after which "he felt very weak."

In recent weeks, the Dalai Lama has pursued a hectic itinerary as he campaigned for improved human rights in Tibet while China hosted the Olympic Games. During the Games, he travelled to France for a 12-day visit during which he accused China of ongoing repression of the Tibetan people. He met French Foreign Minister Bernard Kouchner and first lady Carla Bruni-Sarkozy -- but not President Nicolas Sarkozy.

On Saturday, he joined Tibetans in a 12-hour fast to draw attention to the human rights situation in their homeland and pray for world peace. "The Dalai Lama had a lot of international teaching commitments this month," Rinpoche said. "We have said his appointments have been cancelled for three weeks... so by the middle of September it should be clear when he will resume his other commitments."

The Buddhist monk fled into exile in India in 1959 following a failed uprising in Tibet against Chinese rule.

The Dalai Lama champions a "middle path" policy which espouses "meaningful autonomy" for Tibet, rather than full independence as many younger, more radical activists are demanding. Still, China has vilified him as the "mastermind" of what it called a drive to sabotage the Olympics and destabilise the country. Violent protests against Beijing's rule broke out across Tibet in March, sparking a heavy Chinese crackdown that drew global condemnation.