Sunday, February 27, 2011

Viewing the Academy Awards

Wisdom Quarterly

HIM: The crime of vicarious viewing weighs on me. Would that I were a star player. I want to tackle and mow down the competition and earn for the mantle a golden Lombardi and ring.

But the pop, popcorn, pop tarts and chips, the brown swill and dip all keep me from it in my frumpy college tee as I angrily yell at the referee.

The cheerleaders cheer on. They're not cheering for me, except that I seem to recognize some from Owlers and the Crimson Hippopotamus.

HER: The crime of vicarious viewing grows in intensity. Would that I were playing a star. I want to tackle and mow down the competition and earn for the mantle a golden Oscar hood ornament and tiara.

But the flip and the flop, the overnight curlers that do up my locks, the cream and cleansers that mask my imperfections -- my facial character flaws trumpeted in smile lines and crows feet -- my sagging that and drooping that and this tum-tum belly I dare not call loose "fat," but love handles or muffin top... all keep me from it in my frumpy, overstretched mini-tee as I angrily yell at the Academy.

The cheerleaders cheer on. They're not cheering with me. They wouldn't let me hold a flag on their team except that I seem to recognize some from the laundry and the Charles Edward Cheese.

The crime of vicarious viewing on a large screen TV with Tivo and a DVR and screen-in-screen for a running commentary that I'll never pay off -- unless the collection agency is really nice about it. And I'm offered my star in some Hall or Walk of Fame. I'll settle for a Universal City simulation. It needn't be Grauman's Chinese or a Hollywood Chamber of Commerce-approved street.

EW&F said we could shine like stars, no matter who we are, shining bright to see what we can truly be.

I guess I (we) want the whole world to love me or remember me or call and fall to my feet like so much paparazzi so I could be what others seem to be on the half-time screen with the boom-boom pow and all these people jacking my style.

HOW TO WIN AT EVERYTHING
Wisdom Quarterly (Numerical Discourses, V.43)
The Buddha once explained achieving worldly and heavenly success to the multi-millionaire Anathapindika:

"O householder, there are five things that are wished for, loved, and agreeable yet rarely gained in the world.

"What are they? (1) Long life, (2) beauty, (3) happiness, (4) fame, and (5) rebirth in a higher world. But, householder, I do not teach that they are to be obtained by prayer or by making vows [cutting deals with Gods, devils, angels, demons, gurus, lucky charms, or the like].

"If one could obtain such things by praying or making vows, who would not have them?

"Householder, for a noble disciple [a good Buddhist] who wishes to have long life, it is not fitting to pray for it or to take delight in doing so. Instead, one should follow a path-of-life* that is conducive to longevity.

"By following such a path one will obtain long life, be it human or divine [both being temporary states, not ultimate salvation from rebirth and unhappiness].

"Householder, for a noble disciple who wishes to have beauty, happiness, fame, or rebirth in a higher state of existence, it is not fitting to pray for them or take delight in doing so.

"Instead, one should follow a path-of-life conducive to beauty, happiness, fame, and rebirth in a higher state of existence.

"By following such a path one will obtain beauty, happiness, fame, and rebirth in a higher state of existence" (AN, V.43).

  • *What is the way? Karma is the way: a path of "meritorious conduct" practicing generosity, virtue, and meditation. This is according to the commentary to the Numerical Discourses (the Anguttara Atthakatha). Even if what one wants is bad, it is only because of past good karma ripening that one will obtain it and be able to hold on to it. See The Workings of Kamma by Pa Auk Sayadaw for an exhaustive treatment of this profound Buddhist teaching.

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