Premarital SEX? (video)

Ven. K. Sri Dhammananda, Dr. Nikkyo Niwano, A Happy Married Life: A Buddhist Perspective (BPS, ATI); Flight of the Conchords; Ashley Wells, CC Liu, Pat Macpherson (eds.), Wisdom Quarterly

(Flight of the Conchords) From the TV show "Flight of the Conchords," Season 1, Ep. 4. Song: Min 2:30

Premarital Sex

Hey, stranger, know what time it is? - Dawn?

Premarital sex is much discussed in modern society. Many young people would like to know the opinion regarding this sensitive issue. Is it considered committing adultery, immoral, or...?

In the past, youths were not allowed by their parents to move around freely until they were married. And marriages were arranged by the parents. Of course, this caused unhappiness in some cases when parents chose partners on the basis of money, social status, family obligations, and so on.

Sex at Dawn: Polyamory or Monogamy?

But generally, the majority of parents tried very hard to choose a partner who would be acceptable to their children.

Today, young people are at the liberty to go out and try to find their own partners. They have a lot of freedom and independence in their lives. Some are too young and immature to see the difference between sexual attraction and compatibility, so the problem of premarital sex arises.

Too much laxity in matters concerning sex gives rise to social problems in modern society. Some societies do not express liberal attitudes towards unmarried mothers, unparented children, and divorcees, yet they are quite liberal about free sex.

As a result, young people are shamed and punished by a society that encourages free sex. They become social outcasts and suffer humiliation. Many young girls have become victims of their own freedom and have harmed their futures by violating age-old traditions that were valued in the East and West.

I dunno what to do with myself sometimes.

Premarital sex has come about as a result of social freedom. While Buddhism holds no strong views either for or against such action, it is thought that all Buddhists, particularly people in love and contemplating marriage, should adhere to the traditional concept that they maintain chastity until marriage.

The human mind/heart is wavering and ever-changing, with the result that any illicit action or indiscretion may cause harm to either party. It must be remembered that any sexual indulgence may be looked down upon by elders and guardians.

Sexual Misconduct

Let's. - Maybe we shouldn't?

Laypeople are advised in Buddhism to avoid sexual misconduct. That means, if one wants to experience sex, one must do so without creating any violence or using any kind of force, threat, or causing fear.

A decent sex life which respects the other partner is approved by this religion; Buddhism accepts the fact that it is a necessity for those who are not yet ready to renounce the worldly life.

According to Buddhism, those who are involved in extramarital sex with someone

• who is already married
• who is betrothed
• who is under the protection of parents or guardians

are committing the seriously bad karma of "sexual misconduct," because there is a rupture of social norms, where a third party is being made to suffer as a result of the selfishness of one or the other partner.

Irresponsible Sexual Behavior


(Suburban Lawns) Su Tissue sings the timeless tune "Janitor." LYRICS: All action is reaction/ Expansion/ Contraction/ Man the manipulator// Underwater/ Does it matter?/ Antimatter/ Nuclear reactor/ Boom boom boom boom/ Who's your mother? Who's your father? I guess everything's a relative/ Who's your mother? Who's your father?/ I guess everyone's a relative// I'm a janitor/ Oh my janitors/ I'm a janitor/ Oh my janitors/ Oh my janitors/ I'm a janitor// All action is reaction/ Expansion/ Contraction/ Woman the manipulated/ Underwater/ Does it matter/ Antimatter/ New catheter lubricator/ Boom boom boom boom/ Who's your mother? Who's your father?/ I guess everything's irrelative/ Who's your mother? Who's your father?/ I guess everyone's irrelative/ I'm a janitor/ Oh my genitals/ I'm a janitor/ Oh my genitals/ Oh my genitals/ I'm a janitor/ [I mop this mess up].

It was just one of those things.

The Buddha also revealed the consequences that an elderly man would face if he married without considering the compatibility of age of the other party. According to the Buddha, irresponsible sexual behavior can become the cause of one's downfall in many aspects of life.

All countries have clearly defined laws concerning sexual abuse. Buddhism advocates that a person respect the laws of the country if the laws are made for the common good.

10. East and West

There's the yin and the yang, East and West.

The following are extracts from a book by the celebrated Japanese author Dr. Nikkyo Niwano. In The Richer Life, he deals with love and marriage from Eastern and Western points of view.

"In the West, marriage on the basis of romantic love has often been considered natural and sometimes ideal. In Asia, in recent years, the number of young people who abandon the traditional arranged marriage and select partners out of romantic consideration has been growing.

What about pornography and perversion?

"But in some cases, romantic marriages lead to separation and unhappiness within a short time, whereas the arranged marriage often produces a couple who live and work together in contentment and happiness.

"In spite of its emotional appeal, all romantic marriages cannot be called unqualified successes. Romantic love is like the bright flame of a wood-fire that leaps up and burns clear, but lasts only a short time. Love between [a husband] and wife burns quietly and slowly like the warming fire of burning coal.

"Of course, bright flaming love can — and ideally ought to — eventually become the calm, enduring fire of mature affection. But too often the flame of romantic love is quickly extinguished, leaving nothing but ashes, which are a poor foundation for a successful married life!"

Emotions

Emotions on top of emotions, feelings on feelings

"Young people in love think so much of their emotions. They see themselves in the light of fleeting feelings in the moment. Everything they think and do is romantic.

"It has little bearing on the practical affairs of the life they must lead after marriage.

"If lovers are fortunate enough to have compatible personalities, to have sound and similar ideas about life, to share interests, to enjoy harmonious family relations on both sides, and to be financially secure even after the fiery passion has calmed down, they will still have a basis for a good life together.

"If they are not so blessed, they may face marital failure."

"When the time of dates, emotional pictures, dances, and parties has passed, the young married couples will have to live together, share meals, and reveal to each other their defects as well as their merits.... To live peacefully, it is necessary to realize the difference between romance and married love." More