Premarital SEX? (video)

Ven. K. Sri Dhammananda, Dr. Nikkyo Niwano, A Happy Married Life: A Buddhist Perspective (BPS, ATI); Flight of the Conchords; Ashley Wells, CC Liu, Pat Macpherson (eds.), Wisdom Quarterly

(Flight of the Conchords) From the TV show "Flight of the Conchords," Season 1, Ep. 4. Song: Min 2:30

Premarital Sex

Hey, stranger, know what time it is? - Dawn?

Premarital sex is much discussed in modern society. Many young people would like to know the opinion regarding this sensitive issue. Is it considered committing adultery, immoral, or...?

In the past, youths were not allowed by their parents to move around freely until they were married. And marriages were arranged by the parents. Of course, this caused unhappiness in some cases when parents chose partners on the basis of money, social status, family obligations, and so on.

Sex at Dawn: Polyamory or Monogamy?

But generally, the majority of parents tried very hard to choose a partner who would be acceptable to their children.

Today, young people are at the liberty to go out and try to find their own partners. They have a lot of freedom and independence in their lives. Some are too young and immature to see the difference between sexual attraction and compatibility, so the problem of premarital sex arises.

Too much laxity in matters concerning sex gives rise to social problems in modern society. Some societies do not express liberal attitudes towards unmarried mothers, unparented children, and divorcees, yet they are quite liberal about free sex.

As a result, young people are shamed and punished by a society that encourages free sex. They become social outcasts and suffer humiliation. Many young girls have become victims of their own freedom and have harmed their futures by violating age-old traditions that were valued in the East and West.

I dunno what to do with myself sometimes.

Premarital sex has come about as a result of social freedom. While Buddhism holds no strong views either for or against such action, it is thought that all Buddhists, particularly people in love and contemplating marriage, should adhere to the traditional concept that they maintain chastity until marriage.

The human mind/heart is wavering and ever-changing, with the result that any illicit action or indiscretion may cause harm to either party. It must be remembered that any sexual indulgence may be looked down upon by elders and guardians.

Sexual Misconduct

Let's. - Maybe we shouldn't?

Laypeople are advised in Buddhism to avoid sexual misconduct. That means, if one wants to experience sex, one must do so without creating any violence or using any kind of force, threat, or causing fear.

A decent sex life which respects the other partner is approved by this religion; Buddhism accepts the fact that it is a necessity for those who are not yet ready to renounce the worldly life.

According to Buddhism, those who are involved in extramarital sex with someone

• who is already married
• who is betrothed
• who is under the protection of parents or guardians

are committing the seriously bad karma of "sexual misconduct," because there is a rupture of social norms, where a third party is being made to suffer as a result of the selfishness of one or the other partner.

Irresponsible Sexual Behavior


(Suburban Lawns) Su Tissue sings the timeless tune "Janitor." LYRICS: All action is reaction/ Expansion/ Contraction/ Man the manipulator// Underwater/ Does it matter?/ Antimatter/ Nuclear reactor/ Boom boom boom boom/ Who's your mother? Who's your father? I guess everything's a relative/ Who's your mother? Who's your father?/ I guess everyone's a relative// I'm a janitor/ Oh my janitors/ I'm a janitor/ Oh my janitors/ Oh my janitors/ I'm a janitor// All action is reaction/ Expansion/ Contraction/ Woman the manipulated/ Underwater/ Does it matter/ Antimatter/ New catheter lubricator/ Boom boom boom boom/ Who's your mother? Who's your father?/ I guess everything's irrelative/ Who's your mother? Who's your father?/ I guess everyone's irrelative/ I'm a janitor/ Oh my genitals/ I'm a janitor/ Oh my genitals/ Oh my genitals/ I'm a janitor/ [I mop this mess up].

It was just one of those things.

The Buddha also revealed the consequences that an elderly man would face if he married without considering the compatibility of age of the other party. According to the Buddha, irresponsible sexual behavior can become the cause of one's downfall in many aspects of life.

All countries have clearly defined laws concerning sexual abuse. Buddhism advocates that a person respect the laws of the country if the laws are made for the common good.

10. East and West

There's the yin and the yang, East and West.

The following are extracts from a book by the celebrated Japanese author Dr. Nikkyo Niwano. In The Richer Life, he deals with love and marriage from Eastern and Western points of view.

"In the West, marriage on the basis of romantic love has often been considered natural and sometimes ideal. In Asia, in recent years, the number of young people who abandon the traditional arranged marriage and select partners out of romantic consideration has been growing.

What about pornography and perversion?

"But in some cases, romantic marriages lead to separation and unhappiness within a short time, whereas the arranged marriage often produces a couple who live and work together in contentment and happiness.

"In spite of its emotional appeal, all romantic marriages cannot be called unqualified successes. Romantic love is like the bright flame of a wood-fire that leaps up and burns clear, but lasts only a short time. Love between [a husband] and wife burns quietly and slowly like the warming fire of burning coal.

"Of course, bright flaming love can — and ideally ought to — eventually become the calm, enduring fire of mature affection. But too often the flame of romantic love is quickly extinguished, leaving nothing but ashes, which are a poor foundation for a successful married life!"

Emotions

Emotions on top of emotions, feelings on feelings

"Young people in love think so much of their emotions. They see themselves in the light of fleeting feelings in the moment. Everything they think and do is romantic.

"It has little bearing on the practical affairs of the life they must lead after marriage.

"If lovers are fortunate enough to have compatible personalities, to have sound and similar ideas about life, to share interests, to enjoy harmonious family relations on both sides, and to be financially secure even after the fiery passion has calmed down, they will still have a basis for a good life together.

"If they are not so blessed, they may face marital failure."

"When the time of dates, emotional pictures, dances, and parties has passed, the young married couples will have to live together, share meals, and reveal to each other their defects as well as their merits.... To live peacefully, it is necessary to realize the difference between romance and married love." More

Sex at Dawn: Prehistoric Origins of Sex

Chris Ryan, Cacilda Jetha (amazon); Ashley Wells, Seth Auberon (eds.), Wisdom Quarterly

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Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships

“Sex at Dawn challenges conventional wisdom about sex in a big way. By examining the prehistoric origins of human sexual behavior the authors are able to expose the fallacies and weaknesses of standard theories proposed by most experts. This is a provocative, entertaining, and pioneering book. I learned a lot from it and recommend it highly.”

— Dr. Andrew Weil, M.D.

“Sex at Dawn irrefutably shows that what is obvious — that human beings, both male and female, are lustful — is true, and has always been so…. The more dubious its evidentiary basis and lack of connection with current reality, the more ardently the scientific inevitability of monogamy is maintained — even as it falls away around us.”

— Dr. Stanton Peele, Ph.D.

Wanna take a look? Or wanna read comics?

This is a controversial, idea-driven book that challenges everything (we think) we know about sex, monogamy, marriage, and family.

In the words of Steve Taylor (The Fall, Waking From Sleep), Sex at Dawn is “a wonderfully provocative and well-written book which completely re-evaluates human sexual behavior and gets to the root of many of our social and psychological ills.”

Monogamy?

Original hardcover release

In this thought-provoking book, renegade thinkers Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá debunk almost everything we “know” about sex.

They weave together convergent, frequently overlooked evidence from anthropology, archaeology, primatology, anatomy, and psychosexuality to show how far from human nature monogamy really is.

Author Christopher Ryan, Ph.D.

In Sex at Dawn, the authors expose the ancient roots of human sexuality while pointing toward a more optimistic future illuminated by our innate capacities for love, cooperation, and generosity.

“The single most important book on human sexuality since Alfred Kinsey’s Sexual Behavior in the Human Male.”

– Dan Savage, author of the Savage Love column

Back cover to paperback

“Challenges conventional wisdom about sex in a big way. Provocative, entertaining, and pioneering.”

– Dr. Andrew Weil, M.D., author of Eight Weeks to Optimum Health, Spontaneous Healing & Natural Health, Natural Medicine

“Paradigm-shifting.”

– Dr. Stanley Krippner, Ph.D., psychologist and parapsychologist

“Sex at Dawn has helped me understand myself and the world so much more clearly.”

– Ilana Glazer, co-creator of Broad City More

• REVIEW: Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality (goodreads.com)
• NAYSAYER: Sex at Dusk: Lifting the Shiny Wrapping from Sex at Dawn (Lynn Saxon)

(Andy/Goodreads) Sex at Dawn is not without its problems. Any reader with a more-than-casual understanding of anthropology, evolutionary biology, and/or evolutionary psychology will readily acknowledge this. And some rebuttal/correction does seem to be in order. Unfortunately, Lynn Saxon's polemic seems to be an equally troublesome vehicle for doing so. More

BOOK REVIEW: "Sex at Dawn" (video)

Goodreads.com; co-authors Dr. Christopher Ryan, Ph.D. and Dr. Cacilda Jetha, MD, Idea City; Ana Kasparian (The Young Turks); Ashley Wells, Seth Auberon (eds.), Wisdom Quarterly

Co-author couple at Angkor Wat Buddhist temple complex, Cambodia (chrisryanphd.com)

Authors of Sex at Dawn Dr. Christopher Ryan, Ph.D. and Dr. Cacilda Jetha, M.D. reject the "standard narrative" of human monogamy through history. Instead, they look to our prehistoric ancestors and close primate relatives, like the bonobos, to propose a different idea of sexual relationships.

.

Since Darwin's day, we've been told that sexual monogamy comes naturally to our species.

Mainstream science -- as well as religious and cultural institutions -- has maintained that men and women evolved in families in which a man's possessions and protection were exchanged for a woman's fertility and fidelity. But that narrative is collapsing.

Fewer and fewer couples are getting married, and divorce rates keep climbing as adultery and flagging libido drag down even seemingly solid marriages.

Co-author couple (chrisryanphd.com)

How can reality be reconciled with the accepted narrative? It can't be, according to renegade thinkers Christopher Ryan [Shame Exorcist] and Cacilda Jethá [sexatdawn.com]. While debunking almost everything we "know" about sex, they offer a bold alternative explanation in this provocative and brilliant book.

They are a couple of 12+ years.

Dr. Ryan and Dr. Jethá's central contention is that human beings evolved in egalitarian groups that shared food, child care, and, often, sexual partners.

Weaving together convergent, frequently overlooked evidence from anthropology, archaeology, primatology, anatomy, and psychosexuality, the authors show how far from human nature monogamy really is.

Human beings everywhere and in every era have confronted the same familiar, intimate situations in surprisingly different ways. The authors expose the ancient roots of human sexuality while pointing toward a more optimistic future illuminated by our innate capacities for love, cooperation, and generosity.

With intelligence, humor, and wonder, Ryan and Jethá show how our promiscuous past haunts our struggles over monogamy, sexual orientation, and family dynamics. They explore:

• why long-term fidelity can be so difficult for so many;
• why sexual passion tends to fade even as love deepens;
• why many middle-aged men risk everything for transient affairs with younger women;
• why homosexuality persists in the face of standard evolutionary logic; and
• what the human body reveals about the prehistoric origins of modern sexuality.

In the tradition of the best historical and scientific writing, Sex at Dawn unapologetically upends unwarranted assumptions and unfounded conclusions while offering a revolutionary understanding of why we live and love as we do. More

Pilgrimage: Walking Water, Los Angeles

Rachel Hope (walking-water.org), Dhr. Seven (ed.), Wisdom Quarterly

The current and emerging critical issues of water worldwide and specifically in California will best be resolved through collective thinking, organizing, and collaborating.

Walking Water will convene and catalyze regional and global partners to highlight and contribute possible “solutions” to both the local and global situation of water.

 

Walking Water is an invitation, an action, an educational journey and a prayer intended to bring together the voices of the many peoples of the Eastern Sierra and Los Angeles watersheds through the act of walking together -- through a pilgrimage that follows the waterways, natural and manmade, between Mono Lake and Los Angeles.

It includes the way of the circle, the practice of deep listening and speaking that contributes to community building. We share old and new stories to heal differences and conflict.

 

In complement, as part of the pilgrimage, the project includes a combination of Internet presence and on-the-ground events, presentations, relevant films, and dialogues along the way.

 

Through associated events, like council, this project will catalyze storytelling, knowledge sharing, and the discovery of new possible directions and solutions for the future of water.

It is a kind of acupuncture, a local action that will ripple through the larger body of the place, the people, the country, and the world. More

• Walking Water Los Angeles Oct. 14-28, 2017
• The Aware Show.com with Lisa Garr

What about sex? Scarlett on monogamy (video)

Ashley Wells, CC Liu, Dhr. Seven, Wisdom Quarterly (OPINION); Cosmopolitan.co.uk via Yahoo News; unreleased Lana Del Rey (via a music video presented by Jessica Stone Fox)

(Jessica Stone Fox) Lana Del Rey performs "Because of You" (Music Video)

Scarlett Johansson has opened up about her relationship with French journalist Romain Dauriac, saying monogamy isn't for everyone.

 

Scarlett divorced Ryan Reynolds, who of course went on to wed Blake Lively, in 2011 [then to star in the greatest R-rated action movie of all time].

Two years later, she got engaged to Romain in August of 2013 after ten months of dating. She said at the time: "I've never been much of a traditional girl, but I do think [being engaged is] a nice period. There's something old-world nostalgic about it."

 

The couple of course went on to have daughter Rose Dorothy in 2014, but as 2017 rolled around, rumors emerged that she and Romain had split in the summer of 2016. Pictures of her at the Women's March without her wedding ring only fueled speculation further. More: Cosmopolitan UK

  

Standing up to The Man at the Women's March on Washington DC (democracynow.org)

When will "polyamory" be considered natural?

What's stopping you? Jail?

Poly means many, and amory means love. In a country of serial monagamists, were we date a lot of people but one at a time, what would it be like to date multiple people at the same time? Ask someone in the 60s and 70s. It's happening all the time, only most of us think or feel that it's cheating. Why? We aren't mature enough to talk about it openly, explain that it's our preference, and be fine with the other person doing it, too. No. You will not. We don't mind doing it, but the other person? Never. So we're hypocrites, clinging, and trying to have it all and have it our way like children. Then when people in Utah become polygamists (many marriages, not to be confused with bigamists, who marry again without telling the new person that they are already married, which is unethical and illegal), we freak out. Admittedly, even though the Christian Bible likes it, polygamy has it's own problems -- all that welfare to support a poor Mormon man's fecundity, the implicit sexist bias, the [add your offense here]. All of this is different than polyamory, the mature and open loving of more than one person. When will we consider it "normal and natural"? When the same people who gave us acceptance of interracial dating, feminism, and gay marriage feel like it. Our society and Western culture is pulled by strings. Movers and shakers, the mainstream media, religious leaders, the Hollywood machine, Washington DC, and the clandestine alphabet agencies -- we think it's our choice, but it's really them not so much telling but "manufacturing our consent." So love whom you want, but don't expect backing from society for awhile. In the Buddha's day, there was polygamy. There still is. Around the world, if you have the money, everyone is fine with it. Well, almost everyone. They don't have to be marriages. Throughout Europe, it's understood. A man will have multiple partners, and there's tacit acceptance of it. You just don't talk about it. There's comfort and things can carry on, hypocritcally, if we just don't talk about it. Ruin the family not for cheating (or molesting, or raping, or being gay, etc.) but for the CRIME of talking about it! How dare you mention it in this family; get out!

Q: Is "Swinging" Sexual Misconduct?

Wisdom Quarterly (EDITORIAL)

Q: "Let's say someone did find themselves in a mutually consenting relationship and wanted to go to a swinger's [sex] party or engage [with] multiple, even random, sexual partners. While it might not be sexual misconduct in the first instance, might [it become] that if [it] developed into an accustomed habit over expos[ing] oneself sensually? To keep with the spirit of the Dharma, would it be better to let go of craving, or is it neither-here-nor-there to cultivate such [a habit]?"

-Wei Jer

 

A: This is gorgeous and candid question (inspired by the article Buddhism's "Sexual Misconduct" Defined) to keep the editing team on their toes. Let's take it in pieces.

• Men's penises, women's orgasms, and other mysteries

What is sexual misconduct (kamesu micchacara)?  Technically, the Buddha defined it in terms of intercourse with 10 kinds of people:

• Sexual misconduct: conducting oneself in a detrimental manner (to oneself, another person, or both (society?) with regard to sensuality. Namely, one has intercourse with those under the protection of (1) father, (2) mother, (3) parents, (4) brother, (5) sister, (6) relatives or clan, or of (7) their religious community; or with (8) those promised to someone else, (9) protected by law, and even with (10) those betrothed with a garland" (Book of the Tens, AN, X.206).

"Think about it; you don't have to answer now."

What do these mean? Since this list is from The Book of the Tens, it stretches and contracts like an accordion, even at the risk of being redundant, to add up to ten. Let's summarize: 

  

It refers to any person under the protection or guardianship (meaning that someone is responsible for said person in addition to the person being responsible for him or herself) of someone else. It also covers those protected by law or decree (such as those incapable of giving consent due to their stage or condition) and those who are already engaged, dating, or promised to someone else. Societal and historical factors come into play, and it should be remembered that while the Buddha was speaking to ancient India, he was revealing a universally applicable, karmically effective principle: 

 

Let us do no harm
as we pursue our sensuality.

  

For to do so harms us as well and harms even those not directly involved. He was concerned with the agent, the passive recipient(s), the parents, the guardians, and the society as a whole. In the West we are prone to think only of the other person and sometimes only of ourselves. We rarely think of all the rest of those we affect.

What is being talked about? According to the "spirit" of the law, kamesu refers to sensuality. 

   

Sex and Buddhism (Suite101.com)

Sex represents (epitomizes) the entire class. But gluttony, a more common form of sensual abuse nowadays, is included as are all other abuses of our healthy senses. Who's to say what's "healthy"? We are -- unless we are under protection, in which case our guardian is. We are ultimately responsible for ourselves, but so is that person until we become independent. So let us defer to them then start doing whatever we want when we come of age. Or we can just do whatever we want right now -- but then let's not call that wise karma or Buddhism or even a smart or responsible thing to do.

Many of us have terrible parents, but we can't judge. We don't know they are "terrible" until we better understand the world and the danger we are protected from in our blissful ignorance. Everyone wants to do what s/he wants (by definition). Being willful is neither the way to wellness nor wisdom. Learn from teachers, the first of which are our parents and/or guardians even if we later look back and say they are fools. Why? There's an ancient Eastern saying:
   

"The wise person learns more from the fool than the fool ever learns from the wise."

As we read the Buddha's advice on sensuality, one overriding thing has to be kept in mind: 

  

Buddha at Thiksey (Ragg Burns Imaging/Flickr)

What is my goal? If my goal is the straight path to enlightenment and nirvana, it is wise to abandon sexuality and sensuality -- at least temporarily -- until something better comes are along.

 

What could be better than sensuality? There is a supersensual pleasure, bliss, that comes from virtue and concentration (sila and samadhi) that cannot be explained to those sunk in sensuality. It can. But who would believe it? Try it. It's better. It's superior to sensuality and sexuality. The Buddha never asked anyone to give up a greater thing for a lesser thing, always only the other way around.

  

This bliss or joy (piti) guided Siddhartha to right concentration -- the development of the first four absorptions (jhanas). It established him on the firm foundation of samadhi, which makes insight practice yield great results. So if the goal is the ultimate, do not settle for the immediate.

   

Most of us, however, are in no rush to reach the end of all suffering. We imagine we have time and a temperament for more suffering. That being the case, we know little relief from it other than sensuality. In this case, the Buddha advises us to avoid the dark karma trap of "misconduct." But conduct is okay. We may engage in things, but how will we keep from getting sucked in, "addicted," accustomed, trapped? It is possible so long as we go in with care and remain mindful of others as well as ourselves..

  

What is conduct? What is behavior, what is choice, what is action? Karma. Karma is bright, dark, neutral, and everything in between.
  
If it becomes an "accustomed habit," that does not make it misconduct. "Misconduct" technically refers whom we choose as partner(s). The ten to be avoided are those dependent on another, unable to give consent, and those promised to another. By avoiding these, we avoid blame and harm. Consenting individuals, if they can be found, pose no problem. Nor is sensual experience the problem with independent partner(s).
  
The real question is this: "To keep with the spirit of the Dharma, would it be better to let go of craving, or is it neither-here-nor-there to cultivate such [a habit]?"

Yes, it would be better to let go of craving. That is easy to do. First, one develops the habit of giving, which is a kind of letting go. We cultivates non-clinging or detachment. One takes a sober look at what one is holding onto and abandons the craving for it, first by sharing, then by giving away, then by not picking up the object. This will never lead to real letting go! Real letting go does itself when we develop insight:
   

Christy Turlington (sportforus.com)

Wise reflection (yoniso manasikara), contemplation (anussati), and insight-meditation (vipassana) takes the serene and concentrated mind and brings it to the object. What do we cling to? We might be clinging to anything, but generally we cling to ten general things. Whereas the first five are difficult to let go of, the next five are almost impossible to let go of because we never think to reflect on them as foreign, not ours, painful and distressing, impersonal, and wise to relinquish.

The first five are the "five strands of sensuality" -- what is experienced as pleasurable by way of sights, sounds, tangibles, tastes, and fragrances. The other five are the Five Aggregates of Clinging -- physical form, feeling, perceptions, (50) mental formations, and consciousness.

When the absorption-purified mind/heart knows-and-sees things as they really are (impermanent, impersonal, and suffering), it lets go. The temporarily-released heart (freed by concentration) is permanently released by wisdom.

CONCLUSION
So do what you want. Avoid hypocrisy. Avoid harming anyone in the process. And it should be okay, we say. Oh and, most importantly, call and invite us to the party: (555) WIS-DOM Q.

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Sex, more sex: Men and cheating (audio)

Larry Mantle, Eric Anderson, AirTalk, April 16, 2012 (scpr.org); Wisdom Quarterly

Dallas, Texas, is one of the Top 10 most promiscuous cities in America (CBS News).

The Monogamy Gap: Men, Love, and the Reality of Cheating

Professor Eric Anderson is an American sociologist at the University of Winchester, author of The Monogamy Gap: Men, Love and the Reality of Cheating (Oxford University Press).

Is monogamy (sex with just one person) for everyone? Is it particularly difficult or even impossible for men to be monogamous?

The widespread notion that monogamy is the ultimate proof of true love does not square with the reality that cheating is rampant. Yet, whether gay or straight, the vast majority of relationships start with the belief that monogamy is the desired ideal.

In his new book The Monogamy Gap, sociologist Eric Anderson combined 120 interviews with social science and biology experts and came up with a theory about why men cheat despite their best efforts to be faithful.

Monogamy is irrational, Anderson contends. It denies the reality of a lifetime of sexual urges; cheating is the only way to satisfy sexual desire while staying in a loving relationship with a single partner.

This distance between the monogamous ideal on the one hand and the biological compulsion for sex on the other is called “the monogamy gap.”

Monogamy gap is a term Anderson created to explain why cheating is the rational response to an irrational circumstance.

"If you ask couples what's more important in their lives -- the emotional relationship or the sexual relationship -- they're, of course, more likely to say the emotional relationship," he reports.

Women will keep quiet and put up with a lot for a stable relationship that "normalizes" them in the eyes of the society, but even cheating? If that silence is backed by resentment, it may be better to talk (thewayofattraction.com).

"We put all of our policing efforts into the sexual aspect of it, and that is not what is most important in a relationship."

Anderson explains that the desire to stay faithful to one partner is culturally conditioned, part of it coming with the Industrial Revolution.

"It used to be on a farm, the more kids you had, the more hands you had to do the farm. But in industry, one wage can only feed so many people, so the more kids you have under one salary labor -- well, it's not beneficial to have multiple kids out of that," he says.

The book's central question is whether monogamy is serving society well. Anderson contends that the number of emotionally healthy families breaking up due to sexual violations gives evidence to monogamy's drawbacks.

• LISTEN to the interview (scpr.org)
  

"I'm suggesting that we need to do is decrease the stigma about open sexual relationships so that couples can make better choices -- because right now, men are saying to me, it's better to cheat and hope that it go unnoticed than ask for an open sexual relationship because there's such a stigma," he reports.

• So should we all throw in the towel on monogamy?
• Or is there something about that kind of commitment that we should preserve and honor?
• Is it even possible without encouraging cheating?

Why Women Stay With Cheaters

Text: Norine Dworkin-McDaniel (Lifescript)

Stand by your cheating man or kick him to the curb? It's not a decision any woman wants to make. But many have to after their philandering mates are caught. This Lifescript exclusive digs deep to discover why so many wives choose to stick it out. Plus, will your guy cheat? Rate the risk.

They all do it: celebrities, politicians, even the hubby next door. Sure, the names of the cheaters change: Think Tiger Woods, John Edwards, Kobe Bryant, Mark Sanford, Bill Clinton. But the story’s the same: Husband cheats, gets caught. Wife grimaces, then bears it.

In fact, up to 75% of couples rocked by an affair stay together, according to research by Peggy Vaughan, author of Preventing Affairs: You Can Have a Monogamous Marriage, But Not by Just Assuming You're Immune (Dialog Press). That so many wronged spouses managed to turn the other cheek is admirable to some. But you can’t help wondering: Why didn’t they push their wandering mates out the door?

Lifescript talked to women and experts to find out why beleaguered wives choose to stand by their men. Here’s what they told us:

1. She doesn’t want to be alone.

When your husband takes up with a prettier, shapelier – perhaps even younger – woman, it doesn’t inspire confidence that you still got it goin’ on. Insecurity can be enough of a glue to stick with a marriage. “Fear of being alone keeps people in all kinds of horrible situations and relationships,” says life coach Lauren Mackler, author of Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness and Transform Your Life (Hay House, 2009) and host of “Lauren’s Life Keys” on Hay House Radio. More>>

Do Liberals, Atheists Have Higher IQs?

Jennifer Thomas (HealthDay News, Mar. 9, 2010)

Study links intelligence test scores with key beliefs and male monogamy. People who consider themselves liberals or atheists tend to have higher IQs than those who are more religious or conservative, a new study suggests. Higher IQs also seem to make men less likely to cheat. Men with higher IQs place a higher value on sexual fidelity than men with lower IQs, although the same association with intelligence and monogamy was not found in women, according to the study. The reasons underlying the differences can be explained by evolution, contends study author Satoshi Kanazawa, an evolutionary psychologist at the London School of Economics and Political Science. In evolutionary terms, religion stems from humans' tendency to try to make sense of natural phenomenon. More>>

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  REDWOOD CITY, California — A convicted sex offender who poses as a friar to gain people's trust is back behind bars after he allegedly molested another teenage boy in Daly City. Anthony Thomas Falco, 72, was booked into San Mateo County Jail on Monday morning on 16 counts of committing lewd or lascivious acts on a child younger than 14 years old and one charge that he failed to register as a sex offender, a jail official said.
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Sex: Who Enjoys It?

"The real reason dinosaurs became extinct" (Farside by Gary Larson)

03.24.09 in Animals by Robin Lloyd
Gang of Juvenile Dinosaurs Discovered
A new fossil find suggests that young Triceratops dinosaurs were gregarious gangsters, not solitary types.

Animal sex is at least as strange and varied as human sex. A male might copulate with many females, but female animals of many species can be choosy, too. Homosexuality is common. Monogamy is rare. And the animal kingdom is full of swingers.

• Sex Apes: Humankind's closest relative
• Sex Arrests: Enforcement spurs rise in Web sex arrests

Do Animals Enjoy Sex?
LiveScience.com (3/25/09)

Animals obviously hook up, at least during mating season. But do they like it? According to experts, there are two answers: "yes" and "it is impossible to know."

.

"Mosquitoes, I don’t know," hedged Mark Bekoff, a University of Colorado biologist and author of The Emotional Lives of Animals (New World Library), "but across mammals, they enjoy sex." In fact the enjoyment of sex among humans and among animals may be similar in that it's all experienced in very primitive parts of the brain.

Really wild orgasms

Not only do animals enjoy the deed, they also likely have orgasms... More>>

03.27.09 in Animals by Robert Roy Britt
Boiling Mad: Crabs Feel Pain
Not only do crabs suffer pain, but they retain a memory of it, study finds.

03.30.09 in Animals by LiveScience Staff
Why Chimps Are Stronger Than Humans
We pay a price for our fine motor skills.