Showing posts with label metta. Show all posts
Showing posts with label metta. Show all posts

Saturday, August 29, 2026

The Dali Parton: Dolly Bodhisattva?

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The Backwoods Barbie Doll Dolly 
At dollypartonsamerica.com, thanks to Jad Abumrad of Radio Lab, there is a 9-part series of interviews on America's favorite bra owner, The Dali Parton, Goddess of Kindness, a kind of cultural icon and bodhisattva (a "being destined for enlightenment/awakening" by the marriage of compassion and wisdom) for the benefit of us all. Feminist, activist, Buddhist Rebecca Solnit says it quite well:
Who cares about this American singer? She's just a singer! Or was she much more? (FB)
In praise of Dolly Parton, 1946-2026, our Goddess of Kindness (Rebecca Solnit)
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Dolly Parton, the "unicorn of unicorns"
How many authors can capitalize?

Sunday, August 16, 2026

Mandy Kahn: I can LOVE you regardless


I can love you regardless of your views
Universal unconditional agape love is metta.
Friends, Peace Class will soon resume after its summer hiatus, as will the Deep Dive Poetry series. Peace Class is held Wednesdays at 6:00 pm (PT) via Zoom. No signup is required. Poetry is monthly and held live in Hollywood inside the Philosophical Research Society's Library of World Religions (prs.org).

When we meet someone, do we wait to see what they will say to determine whether or not we can love them? Do we find that we are constantly evaluating people's ways of seeing, ways of believing, to determine whether we can love them?


We bring about great healing when we are able to say, "Whatever you believe, I hold unconditional love for you. I am aware of my own beliefs; I do not need to fear your ideas. I honor your path. I can honor you and hold love for you regardless of your ideas."
31 categories of rebirth planes
Ideas and worldviews evolve over the course of one lifetime or many lifetimes (rebirths). While our ideas may change, we do not shift in and out of lovability. We are inherently, innately, intimately lovable. And wherever we are in our transition and evolution of beliefs, I am able to love you.

In fact, I cannot help but love you, knowing your inherent lovability—your innate worth. All are worthy of my unconditional love, as all are aspects of divinity in expression and exploration.

As we explore, as we try on worldviews (outlooks, paradigms, points of view), we are able to hold love for one another. Changes in our worldview will not mean less love from us. Our love is constant; our worthiness of love is constant.

Monthly Deep Dive Poetry at PRS Library
By embracing the other wherever we currently are in our journey—the human journey of beliefs and worldviews—we embrace the journey itself. The journey leads to peace. And evolution leads to choosing peace.

All beings are evolving from wherever they are towards choosing peace. When peace is finally chosen, a living being has fully evolved. All that precedes that is an exploration of the human experience.

We can love each other no matter what.
Because all exploration eventually leads to choosing peace, all exploration is ultimately part of the "peacening" process. Peace is the destination of all human exploration, without exception.

I embrace you on your human journey, which is a journey towards peace. When we choose to love others regardless of their views or where they are on their human journey, we heal -- we heal ourselves, we heal collective wounds of rejection and judgment, and we heal the person before us with our unconditional love.

Unconditional love (metta, agape) is the energy of pure healing. We share that pure healing when we share that love-without-limits.
  • Is it love when we see everyone as special?
    Ancient Greeks spoke of six kinds of "love":
  1. divine unconditional love (agape),
  2. familial love (storge),
  3. friendly or platonic love (philia),
  4. erotic or romantic love (eros),
  5. self-love (philautia), and
  6. guest love (xenia).
Modern authors have distinguished even more varieties of love. Many other cultures also distinguish the many kinds of "love" as mettākama, bhakti, ishq, ren, yuanfen, mamihlapinatapai, cafuné, chesed, amore, charity, compassion in action (karuna), saudade (and other variants and symbioses of these states).
  • There are even more forms love that English speakers could be lacking because there exist culturally unique words, definitions, and expressions.
I'm in it for Me, Myself, and I.
It is the lower mind that wants to withhold love. It is the lower mind that wants to carefully evaluate each person before us to determine whether that person is "worthy" of love. Only the lower mind can be convinced that a person is unworthy of love.

The heart knows the inherent worthiness of all living beings. The heart does not labor to love. The heart loves by its nature. The heart leads us towards love-without-end.

Give me that heart, Buddha! - With joy, friend
The lower mind leads us towards a start-stop kind of love—a conditional love that might better be described as affection, bias, or favor rather than universal mettā.

It is a lot of work for the lower mind to constantly assess the lovability of each person and each idea.

We can love, and we can choose

The Buddha's mind was in his heart
The heart knows that every worldview is simply part of a human experience being explored and all explorations are towards finally choosing peace.

When we ask our hearts to lead, our hearts lead with wise discernment, not judgments. Our hearts can discern which idea best resonates with us. The heart determines then chooses—embraces—that which resonates.

An idea is chosen, whereas others are simply allowed and not chosen.

If the lower mind rejects some person's idea, it also rejects that person. The heart can choose or not choose a person's idea yet can still hold love for the person.

We can lead with our heart toward all.
When we are heart-led, we do not fear any ideas. We simply choose them or leave them unchosen. We do not need to reject idea-holders to “remain safe” from their ideas. A person in balance can simply choose the idea s/he resonates with and hold love and space for all the idea-holders whose ideas were not chosen.

We can honor everyone at every place on their journey. No rejection is required. Love can be total, universal, unconditional (metta, agape).

Choosing can be used to navigate. Choosing led by love is all that is needed. As we encounter others, we may employ the following phrases to navigate with love:
  • I do not choose this idea. Simultaneously, I hold love for this person.
  • I choose this idea. Simultaneously, I hold love for this person.
  • I observe this idea, neither choosing it nor not choosing it. Simultaneously, I hold love for this person.
The Buddha's heart of love (佛爱之心)
We can navigate this world by choosing and loving all. Nothing additional is required to navigate. Rejection is not required.

The lower mind can be taught that it is one's responsibility to reject a person who carries an idea we do not choose. But the heart knows that every person is inherently worthy of love, just as every part of us is inherently worthy of love.

The heart also knows that when we reject others, we simultaneously reject a part of ourselves because we are all connected aspects of the same human organism.

Thus, when we reject others, we reject a part of ourselves, and we experience the wound of that rejection.

Rejected and left behind once again!!
Rejection wounds unilaterally: It wounds the rejected, it wounds the rejector (oneself), and it wounds the collective, which retains that rejection energy.

Rejection builds fear among the not-yet-rejected which blocks creativity, blocks new ideas, and blocks freedom of expression. It encourages people to be less fully themselves.

I love and accept you, so let's start to heal.
Love heals unilaterally: It heals the accepted (the other), it heals the acceptor (oneself), and it heals all (the collective). Whereas the energy of rejection builds fear, the energy of love-without-end builds safety. And it seeds peace. It seeds a peace-without-end.

When one steps from judgment and to discernment—when one chooses to navigate by way of choosing and simultaneously by loving—with each choice, a being is healing the collective.

Peace Class Wednesdays (prs.org)
That being is healing past wounds that were created from judgment and rejection. One is laying the foundation for a world that has evolved past fear—one in which peace is the standard, one in which there is the honoring of all beings. And in that honoring, there is the great realization of full selfhood.

Is your poetry as peaceful as your class?
There is ever-flowing creativity, and there is the profound joy of choosing and loving, again and again, from a place of perfect freedom and total possibility, to act towards others with peace.
See everyone very soon,

Mandy Kahn (Instagram, Facebook)
  • Mandy Kahn, text Nov. 29, 2023; edited by Dhr. Seven Aug. 15, 2026, Wisdom Quarterly

Sunday, August 9, 2026

Poor Sad Mother Pat: A Buddhist Tragedy

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Nun called the "Preserver of the Discipline"
Central Asian Scythian, Gandhara
Patacara was the beautiful daughter of a very wealthy merchant in Savatthi (Sarvasti).

When she was 16 years old, her parents locked her up in a penthouse (the top floor) of a seven-story tower surrounded by guards to prevent her from keeping company with any young men.

In spite of this extreme precaution [or perhaps because of it], Patty became involved in a sexual affair with a male servant in her parents' house.
 
When her parents had arranged a suitable marriage for her with a young man of appropriate social standing and means, she decided to elope with her low-class lover instead.

She escaped from her prison tower by disguising herself, and the young couple went to live in a village far away from Savatthi.

Her new husband farmed, and now the young wife had to do all the menial chores that had formerly been carried out by her parents' servants. So she began to reap the results (phala, fruits) of her karma (actions).
 
When she became pregnant, she begged her husband to return her to her parents' house to give birth [in accordance with ancient Indian custom], saying to him that a father and mother always have a soft spot in their hearts for their child, no matter what she has done.
 
I'm marrying for love. Take that, parents!
However, her husband refused on the grounds that her parents would surely subject him to torture or imprisonment.

When she realized that he would not give in to her pleas, she decided to make her way to her parents by herself.

When the husband found her gone and was told by the neighbors of her decision, he followed her and tried to persuade her to return. However, she would not listen to him.
 
Before they could reach Savatthi, birth pains started, and soon a baby son was born. As there was no more reason to go to her parents' house, they turned back and resumed their family life in the village.
 
Sometime later she became pregnant again. And again, she pleaded with her husband to take her home to her parents. Again, he refused. And again, she took matters into her own hands and started off on the journey, carrying her older child. When her husband followed her and pleaded with her to return with him, she would not listen and instead continued on her way.

A fearful storm arose out of season with thunder and lightning and incessant rain. Just then her birth pains started, and she asked her husband to find her some sort of shelter.

The husband went off in search of material for a shelter and set about to chop down some saplings.
 
No one need die from a venomous bite. Metta prevents it. Khandha Paritta is the antidote.
Dead, rigid from lack of cultivating metta
A venomous snake (naga) bit him just then, and he instantly fell dead. 

Patty waited and waited in vain. After having suffered birth pains, a second son was born to her. Both children screamed at the top of their lungs because of the buffeting of the storm. So the mother protected them with her own body all night long.

In the morning she placed the newborn baby on her hip, gave a finger to the older child to suck on, and set out on the path her husband had taken saying, "Come, dear child, your father has abandoned us."

But after a few steps, she found her husband lying dead, his body cold and rigid. She wailed and lamented and blamed herself for his untimely death.
 
She continued on her journey to her parents' house, but when she came to the Aciravati river, it was swollen waist-deep on account of the rain. She was too weak to wade across with both children, so she set the older child on the bank and carried the baby across to the other side.

What sort of tasty flesh is on that shore?
When she returned to fetch the firstborn and bring him across, she only reached midstream. Then an eagle saw the helpless newborn and flew to snatch its tender flesh. It came swooping down, and in spite of Patty's cries and screams, the eagle (garuda) flew off with the baby in its talons.
 
The older boy saw his mother stop in the middle of the river and heard her loud yells. He thought she was calling him to come, so he started out after her, and he was immediately swept off by the powerful current.
 
Wailing and lamenting, Patty went on her way, half crazed by the triple tragedy that had befallen her, losing husband and all her children in a single day.

As she came nearer to Savatthi, she met a traveler who was just coming from the city. She inquired about her family from him, but at first he refused to answer her. When she insisted, the traveler finally had to tell her that her parent's house had collapsed in the recent storm, killing them both as well as her brother. Their cremation was just taking place.
 
When she heard this, her reason left her. Her grief was too much to bear. She tore off her clothes, wandered around weeping and wailing, not knowing what she was doing or where she was going.

People seeing her naked pelted her with stones and rubbish and chased her off.
  
At that time the Buddha was staying at Jeta Grove in millionaire's monastery. He saw Patty approaching from afar and recognized that in a past life she had made an earnest resolve to become a nun well versed in the Dharma.

Therefore, he instructed his disciples not to obstruct her, but to let her enter and come near him.


As soon as she was close to the Buddha, through his supernatural powers, she regained her right mind. She then suddenly became aware that she was naked, and in her embarrassment, she crouched on the ground.
 
One of the lay followers tossed her a cloak, and after she wrapped herself in it, she bowed at the Buddha's feet. She then recounted to him the series of tragedies that had befallen her.
 
The Awakened Teacher listened to her with great compassion then made it clear to her that the painful experiences she had gone through were only tiny drops in the impermanent [and ultimately impersonal] ocean of sorrow (samsara) in which all beings drown if they are attached to what ceaselessly rises and falls.

He told her that all through many existences, she had already wept more tears over the loss of dear ones than could be contained in the waters of the world's four oceans. He said:
But little water do the oceans four contain
compared with all the tears that humans have shed
by sorrow smitten and by suffering distraught.
Woman, why heedless do you yet remain?
This exposition of the Awakened One penetrated her heart/mind so deeply that at that very moment she was able to completely grasp the impermanence of all conditioned things (i.e., dependently arisen phenomena/things that utterly depend on constituent factors for their existence).

When the Enlightened One had finished his teaching, she had attained the certainty of future liberation by realizing stream-entry (the first stage of enlightenment).

She thereafter practiced diligently and soon realized final deliverance through full enlightenment. Then she declared:
With ploughs the fields are ploughed;
With seed the earth is sown;
Thus wives and children feed;
So young men win their wealth.
Then why do I, of virtue pure,
doing the Master's Teaching,
neither lazy nor proud,
nirvana [liberation] not attain?
Having washed my feet
I watched that water,
noticing the foot-water
flowing from high to low.
With that the heart/mind was calmed
just as a noble, thoroughbred horse.
Having taken my lamp,
I went into my hut,
inspected the sleeping place
then sat upon the couch.
Having taken a pin
I pushed the wick right down, and
just as the lamp went out,
so all delusion of the heart went, too.
Therigatha (Psalms of the Nuns) 112-116
It had been enough for her to see the water trickle down the slope to recognize the whole of existence, each life a longer or shorter trickle in the flood of craving.

There were those who lived a short time like her children, those who lived a little longer like her husband, and those who lived even longer like her parents. But all underwent constant change, in a never-ending rising and falling. This thought-process gave her so much detachment that she attained to total freedom of the heart the following night.

The nun who became the keeper of the discipline
The Buddha later declared Patty (Ven. Patacara) foremost "The Keeper of the Disciplinary Code" (Bhikkhuni Vinaya) among all the nuns.

Ven. Patacara thereby became the female counterpart of the Buddhist monk Ven. Upali, formerly Prince Siddhartha's lowly royal barber.

That she had chosen the "Rules of Monastic Conduct" as her central discipline is easy to understand, because the results of her former indulgences had become bitterly obvious to her.
 
She learned in the Sangha that an intensive study of the monastic rules was necessary and self-purifying for monastics. It brought with it the security and safety of self-discipline. She learned not to become complacent or lazy when comfortable, or anxious and confused when suffering.

Because of her own experiences she had gained a deep understanding of the human predicament and could be of great assistance to her fellow nuns.
 
She was a great comfort to those who came to her with difficulties. The nun Ven. Canda said that Ven. Patacara showed her the right path out of attachment and helped her to achieve liberation (Thig. 125).

Another nun, Ven. Uttara II, reported how Ven. Patacara spoke to a group of nuns about right conduct and discipline:
Having established mind
One-pointed, well-developed
Investigate formations
As other, not as self.
— Thig. 177
Ven. Uttara took Ven. Patacara's words to heart and said:
When I heard these words —
[Ven.] Patacara's advice,
After washing my feet —
I sat down alone.
— Thig. 178
Thereby this nun, too, was able to attain to the three "True Knowledges" (te-vijja) and final liberation (nirvana). In the Verses of the Elder Nuns we have a record of Ven. Patacara's instructions to the nuns and their resulting gains:
Having taken flails
Young men thresh the corn.
Thus wives and children feed.
So young men win their wealth.
So likewise as to the Buddha's Teachings,
From doing which there is no remorse.
Quickly cleanse your feet
And sit you down withdrawn.
Devote yourselves to calm of mind/heart
And thus practice the Buddha's Teachings.
When they heard these words —
Ven. Patacara's instructions,
Having washed their feet,
They sat down, each one secluded,
Devoted themselves to calm of heart/mind
And thus followed the Buddha's Teachings.
In the night's first watch*
Past births were remembered;
In the middle watch of the night,
The divine eye was purified.
In the night's last watch,
They tore asunder the mass of gloom.
Having risen, they bowed at her feet,
Her instructions having done.
We shall live revering you
Like the Thirty-Three Devas do Indra [Sakka],
Undefeated in [celestial] war.
We are with Triple Knowledge true
And gone are all the taints.
Therigatha 117-121
  • [*Night in the Buddha's time was divided into three "watches," the first from 6:00-10:00 pm, middle from 10:00 pm-2:00 am, last watch from 2:00-6:00 am.]
Ven. Patacara was able to effect the change from a frivolous young girl to a theri (revered "elder" nun of at least ten rains retreats) in the Sangha quickly because from previous rebirths she had already possessed this faculty.

During the time of the previous Buddha Kassapa of the 28 mentioned by the Buddha Gautama, it is said that Ven. Patacara had been a nun and had lived the monastic life for many, many years. The insights she gained thereby had been covered over through her actions (karma) in subsequent lives.

But when the next buddha appeared in the world, she quickly found her way to him, the reason at the time being unknown to her, spurred on by her tremendous suffering. Relentlessly attracted to the Awakened One and the liberating Dharma (Teaching), she entered into the left-home life and soon attained to complete freedom. More
Sources: A1,24; Thig 112-121,125,175,178; Ap. 11 No.20; J 547

Monday, July 27, 2026

Narrow is a Fragile Heart: Western nun


Episode 62: A Narrow Heart is a Fragile Heart | How to Stop Feeling So Alone
 
(Handful OfLeavesHandful of Leaves Podcast. Support British Bhutanese Vajrayana Buddhist nun Ani Pema Deki's charity fundraiser: openingyourhearttobhutan.com.
"Opening Your Heart to Bhutan" is a registered UK charity, whose work is providing education, medicine, and shelter to children facing the greatest challenges in Bhutan.

In this episode, Lopen Ani Pema Deki (Ven. Emma Slade) — a former London investment banker who left after a near-death experience in Jakarta (Indonesia) to ordain as a Buddhist nun high in the Himalayas of Bhutan — explores what it means to widen the heart and become truly unbreakable.

She contrasts fleeting, manufactured happiness with the effortless joy that arises from practice, explains how small acts of kindness build resilience, and reflects on faith, karma, and why some people in Bhutan seem less vulnerable to life's ups and downs.

Perfect for listeners curious about practical spirituality, courage, and living with greater purpose.

Key Takeaways:
  • 🧭 Choose Liberation, Not Comfort — Why training the mind matters, and how practice aims for freedom from samsara rather than temporary ease.
  • 💫 Real Joy vs. Manufactured Bliss — The difference between practice-born joy (stable, effortless) and short-lived worldly pleasures.
  • 🤝 Small Acts, Big Heart — Two-minute kindnesses, widening our circle of care, and the role of faith/teacher in sustaining practice.
⏱Timestamps:
  • (00:00) – Introduction to Lopen Ani Pema Deki (Ven. Emma Slade), former banker turned Buddhist nun
  • (01:00) – The challenge of practicing Dharma in a busy modern life
  • (02:31) – Are we seeking comfort in samsara or liberation?
  • (02:51) – What happiness really means from a Buddhist perspective
  • (03:40) – Joy and bliss: natural results of Dharma practice vs. worldly joy
  • (05:28) – Reflections on Bhutan and why happiness can’t be measured easily
  • (06:20) – Mental resilience and faith in Bhutanese life
  • (07:17) – Small daily acts of kindness in a busy life
  • (07:53) – Expanding motivation beyond yourself and loved ones
  • (08:52) – Why bother about anyone else besides your loved ones?
  • (09:20) – Why widening your heart supports resilience
  • (10:24) – The Bodhisattva path: stretching beyond your comfort zone
  • (11:14) – How British Lopen Ani Pema Deki (Ven. Emma Slade) became a Buddhist and later a Buddhist nun
  • (11:40) – Meeting her teacher in Bhutan
  • (12:24) – Moments of clarity and deep spiritual connection
  • (14:27) – Karma and how Lopen Ani Pema Deki (Ven. Emma Slade)’s path ripened in Bhutan
  • (15:18) – Sneak preview of Part 2
ABOUT THE SPEAKER: 👤 Lopen Ani Pema Deki (Venerable Emma Slade) was born in Kent, England, and was educated at Cambridge University and the University of London, where she gained a First-Class degree. She is a qualified Chartered Financial Analyst (CFA) and worked in Fund Management in London, New York, and Hong Kong. A deep-seated yearning to enquire into the deeper aspects of humanity arose following a life-changing business trip to Jakarta, where she was held hostage at gunpoint. She resigned from her financial career and began exploring yoga and meditation and methods of wellbeing with the ultimate aim of turning a traumatic episode into wisdom and conditions for thriving. She qualified as a British Wheel of Yoga teacher in 2003 and, over the last 19 years, has run numerous yoga workshops and retreats. ​ Her interest in Buddhism as a science of the mind strengthened after meeting a Buddhist lama (teacher) on her first visit to Bhutan in 2011.

This crucial chance meeting led to her studying Buddhism with this lama and, eventually, led to her becoming the first and only Western woman to be ordained in the last Himalayan [Buddhist] Kingdom of Bhutan as a Buddhist nun. #OpeningYourHeart #BuddhistWisdom #MindfulLiving #FaithAndPractice
Resources:
Special thanks to sponsors:
Buddhist Youth Network, Lim Soon Kiat, Alvin Chan, Tan Key Seng, Soh Hwee Hoon, Geraldine Tay, Venerable You Guang, Wilson Ng, Diga, Joyce, Tan Jia Yee, Joanne, Suñña, Shuo Mei, Arif, Bernice, Wee Teck, Andrew Yam, Kan Rong Hui, Wei Li Quek, Shirley Shen, Ezra, Joanne Chan, Hsien Li Siaw, Gillian Ang, Wang Shiow Mei, Ong Chye Chye, Melvin, Yoke Kuen, Nai Kai Lee, Amelia Toh, Hannah Law, Shin Hui Chong, Dennis Lee
🎬 Editor: Hong Jiayi ✍️ Transcribers: Cheryl Cheah, Tan Si Jing, Bernice Bay 🎨 Visuals and Sound: Anton Thorne, Tan Pei Shan, Ang You Shan 📱 Get connected: Telegram: bit.ly/hol-telegram. Instagram: bit.ly/hol-instagram-podcast. Facebook bit.ly/hol-facebook-podcast. Spotify spoti.fi/3w2jfQ1.