Who's Shohei Ohtani? Is that that cute Thai pig Wuhan? He's not a pig, and his name's not Wuhan. Thailand's Top 5 cutest baby animals (Bangkok Beyond)
Have you been living under a rock?! His name is Woo Deng, and he's a hippo! I will not have this miracle of Mother Nature defamed. Moo Deng the baby hippo finds fame as a small Thai zoo's online "bouncy pork" sensation (CBS News)
Are we talking about Show Hey or Wood Heng?
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| The Fix Is In (Brian Tuohy) |
Why this one? I'll get you one just like it from the Dodger's souvenir shop, and if you really want, I'll forge his signature like his translator would in a situation like this.
Are you mad?! Are you insane?! Are you bonkers?! It has to be this one, different than all the others in all the universes in all the world. He's the Great Golden Hope!
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| Don't gamble. The Fix Is Still In |
Yellow, gold, whatever! He is the pride of Japan, the pride of Los Angeles, the pride of baseball! And a bat he was holding dented and nearly knocked the stuffing out of this precious globe, and if I don't get it, I will -- no, no, there will be no contingency plan. I have to outbid everyone on the auction block. That's all there is to it.
He's married, you know? (See video below).
WHAT?!?! Nooooo! We were supposed to best buds bonded in baseball glory, for the love of the game, boys only! Or he could marry my sister so we could always hang out!!
What is your back up plan just in case someone else steals the grand prize and outbids you?
I do have one, sadly. I just don't know if it'll catch on among millions of fans and create a viable market to profit from selling in the future:
- Dodgers selling dirt from the feet of Shohei Ohtani at bats. Order you hallowed foot dust now, only $99 dollars US
- CBS News; I. Rony, Team Fanatic, Number One Fan, Wisdom Quarterly
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