How to win friends: Can an app fix the "friendship recession"?
How to make friends and be an influencer
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I have no idea why people follow me
Amidst what some researchers call a "friendship recession," apps and services have been proliferating to connect Americans. We hear from people who have already tried them or use them regularly to reflect on what about them has worked and hasn't.
TRANSCRIPT
HOST SCOTT SIMON: Many of the old places where friendships formed -- the office, houses of worship, maybe the VFW [Veterans of Foreign Wars, a.k.a. degenerate bars] -- may have become less central to people's lives.
Just react to things with opinions!
It's part of what's been called a friendship recession: Americans spending dramatically less time with friends than they did a decade ago. As Leslie McClurg of member station KQED FM [San Francisco Bay Area and Sacramento] reports, a growing number of apps and services are trying to bring people back together.
BYLINE LESLIE MCCLURG: When Jen Hobbs moved to Oakland last summer, she assumed friends would come naturally at the coffee shop or after an exercise class, but six months in...
JEN HOBBS: And on New Year's, I was kind of reflecting on things, and I realized I still don't have any friends.
Talk about fitness on TikTok with a hot bod!
MCCLURG: She made it her resolution to fix that and downloaded every friendship app that she had seen advertised on Instagram. Some are simple, like "BumbleFor Friends" (BFF: Bumble For Friends), which works much like the company's dating app.
But instead of swiping for lovers, you're swiping for pals. Others, like Timeleft [or Friend Cult], go further by matching users with like-minded strangers for a meal. [SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED RECORDING]
UNIDENTIFIED COMMENTATOR: In restaurants across the country [LAUGHTER] total strangers are gathering for conversation and community over shared meals. More
We’re not a social club, we’re a Friend Cult™ -- a weekly, Oakland-based gathering that makes it easier to see friends. No more text tag, no more calendar Tetris, no more doomscrolling. Just show up and hang out — like it used to be. See friends. Eat food. Feel better. Die happy.
An "influencer" has the ability to alter the attitudes, shopping behavior, or shopping decisions of others through knowledge, position, authority, or the because of an audience relationship.
This ability is either inherent to one's personality or is completely constructed by others for some benefit: social, personal, or economical [1].
The term "influencer" is used in media, business, religion, politics, and communication, referring to folks like social media influencers, podcasters, public speakers, religious influencers, writers, and newsletter writers who have dedicated followings [2, 3].
One writer defines influencers as those "who exercise influence over the organization and its potential customers" [4]. Another defines them as someone "who significantly shapes the customer's purchasing decision" [5]. According to another writer, influencers are "well-connected, create an impact, have active minds, and are trendsetters" [6].
What does every American want?
Just because someone has many followers does not necessarily mean that person has much influence over them [7, 8].
In contemporary usage, it means a social media influencer [9, 10, 11] or an online influencer [12, 13, 14] who builds a grassroots online presence through engaging content such as photos, videos, and updates.
This is done by using direct audience interaction to establish authenticity, expertise, and appeal by standing apart from traditional celebrities by growing a platform through social media rather than pre-existing fame [15, 16].
The modern term is commonly a paid role in which a business entity pays for social media influence-for-hire activity to promote products and services, known as influencer marketing [17].
As such, an influencer effectively acts as a modern salesperson or a marketer. A 1% increase in spending on influencer marketing can lead to a 0.5% increase in audience engagement [18] for a company or corporation.
Types include fashion influencer, travel influencer, virtual influencer, content creators [19, 20, 21], and streamers [22, 23, 24]. More
How to Win Friends and Influence People
How to be an influencer? Keep talking until someone breaks your jaw like Jake? Read a book?
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This classic self-help book written by Dale Carnegie came out in 1936. Worldwide, over 30 million copies have been sold since, making it one of the best-selling books of all time [1, 2].
Dale Carnegie had been conducting business courses in New York since 1912 [3]. In 1934, Leon Shimkin (Simon & Schuster) took one of Carnegie's 14-week courses on human relations and public speaking. He later persuaded Carnegie to let a stenographer take notes from the course to be revised for publication [3].
The initial 5,000 copies of the book sold exceptionally well, going through 17 editions in the first year [3]. In 1981, a revised edition containing updated language and anecdotes was released [4]. The revised edition reduced the number of sections from six to four, eliminating sections on effective business letters and improving marital satisfaction. In 2011, it was Number 19 on Time'sList of the 100 Most Influential Nonfiction Books [5]. In 2022, a newly revised edition was published.
Author Dale Carnegie
I know what people want (Carnegie)
Before How to Win Friends and Influence People, the self-help genre had other successes. Authors like Orison Swett Marden and Samuel Smiles had sold well with their self-help titles in the late 19th and early 20th centuries.
Dale Carnegie began his career teaching night classes at a NY YMCA, later expanding to YMCAs in Philadelphia and Baltimore [6]. He then taught independently at hotels in London, Paris, New York, Boston, Philadelphia, and Baltimore, writing small booklets to go along with his courses [7].
When evolution gets us
After one of his 14-week courses, publisher Leon Shimkin of Simon & Schuster approached him [8]. Shimkin urged Carnegie to write a book, but he was not initially persuaded. Shimkin then hired a stenographer to type up one of Carnegie's long lectures and presented that transcript to Carnegie [9], who edited and revised it into its final form [10].
To market the book, Shimkin sent 500 copies to former graduates of the Dale Carnegie Course, with a note that pointed out the utility of the book for refreshing students with the advice they had learned [11]: 141.
Or just work out until you have a hot bod. See?
The 500 mailed copies brought orders for over 5,000 more copies, so Simon & Schuster had to quickly increase the original print order of 1,200 [11]: 142. Shimkin also ran a full-page ad in the New York Times complete with quotes by Andrew Carnegie and John D. Rockefeller on the importance of human relations [12].
Originally published in Nov. 1936, the book reached the New York Times best-seller list by the end of the year and stayed on it for the next two years [11]: 141.
Simon & Schuster continued to advertise the book, relying heavily on testimonials as well as the testable approach the book offered [12]. More
Is there a Buddhist parallel to this popular Western story of a Garden, a first human couple, a Wisdom Tree, and a tricky shapeshifting Serpent? There is. One need only look at the Agganna Sutta, "A Buddhist Genesis," a discourse given by the Buddha "On Beginnings."
But first it may be better to question the Sumerian, Jewish, Christian version -- made silly by its oversimplification over the millennia. The Christian version makes next to no sense, the Jewish interpretations a little more sense, and the much older Sumerian roots from texts like the Epic of Gilgamesh the Enūma Eliš. All of these are creation myths rooted in some kind of history.
Sadly, many readers misunderstand the Buddhist version of "Genesis." The Buddha is in no way explaining how life began. It is preexisting. He is merely explaining how it came to Earth and how karma (deeds) impacts the environment. As people become so, too, the world declines. We are not evolving so much as devolving from a Golden Age (Satya Yuga), and it is all cyclical. It happens again and again.
This is an echo of the older Vedic (Hindu) and Shramanic (Jain) versions, and that is because "Buddhism" does not begin with the historical Buddha. He is constantly referring back to previous buddhas (Great Heroes or Ford-makers as Jainism calls them, avatars and sages in the Old Vedic Religion that became Brahmanism and much later Hinduism).
At their pure inner core, all beings know that they are not separate from one another. In that state of mind, it is as if they live in a Garden of Eden, where they have no need for shame, no need to differentiate friend from foe, good from evil, and no need to imagine a creator god to oversee their behavior.
They have no expectations that their lives should be other than they are.
It's all me. I created everything. - Even us?
But something in our nature likes to delude us into forgetting this oneness [or unity] of all things and into believing that life should be fairer than it is.
We give that demon a name, Mara [Death, the Obstacle to Enlightenment], to help us identify it.
Suppose that, a very long time ago, the first two human beings evolved from earlier beings. We’ll call them Adam and Eve. Their inner core, or Buddha-nature [or natural state of only dreaming and soon to awake], was pure, and they had no fear of other beings, no sense of good and evil, no self that was separate from other beings and from whatever force brought them into being.
Adam and Eve did have a sense, though, that one of the trees in their garden bore intoxicating [entheogenic] fruit that they should stay away from.
That was the Tree of Duality. Looking for an opportunity to trick Adam and Eve into believing they were distinct separate beings, Mara [the Deceiver] took the form of a snake to talk with them.
No beings had ever lied to Adam and Eve, and they had no way of knowing that the snake was not really a being, so they listened as the demon Mara told them how much fun it would be to become intoxicated on the fruit of the Tree of Duality.
Zarathustra, Iran (Persia)
So Adam and Eve ate the fruit and became drunk with duality. They began to see the world as a conflict between good and evil [as taught in the novel Near East religion of Zarathustra called Zoroastrianism].
They decided that only a cruel god would create such an unfriendly place, so they invented the god of the Old Testament and then hid from him.
Because Mara had taken the form of a snake, they feared and despised all snakes. They made distinctions everywhere: friend and foe, human and animal, smart and dumb, handsome and ugly, strong and weak, rich and poor. They began to see old age, sickness, and death as unfair, as burdens, as suffering.
Four prophets: Mani, Zoraster, Buddha, Jesus
They thought child-bearing was punishment. So that was how Mara, for thousands of years to come, deluded human beings into forgetting that they could return to the Garden of Eden.
Every parable is supposed to have a moral. I’d say the moral is: Some believe in an original sin that requires salvation. Other believe in a delusion that requires awakening. — Mel Pine (Urgyen Jigme)
From AI girlfriends to Grok Hitler, TDS takes on AI | The Daily Show
Who needs real human flesh models? Considered the $$ advantages of digital simulations?
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(The Daily Show) Aug. 28, 2025: TDS takes on AI as AI takes over the world: Jon Stewart, Ronny Chieng, and Lewis Black examine how AI has infiltrated modern dating, made itself an integral part of college education, and even turned itself into "MechaHitler" on X. #DailyShow #AI #Grok. Subscribe to The Daily Show: @thedailyshow
(More Perfect Union) I worked at Palantir (based on Middle Earth's Palantír): the tech company reshaping reality. Alex Karp leaks the truth. Elon Musk's PayPal Mafia (Peter Thiel, LinkedIn's Reid Hoffman)...
"Explores how industry has manipulated our most deep-seated survival instincts."
—David Perlmutter, MD, author, #1 New York Times bestseller, Grain Brain and Brain Maker
The New York Times–bestselling author of Fat Chance reveals the corporate scheme to sell pleasure, driving the international epidemic of addiction, depression, and chronic disease.
While researching the toxic and addictive properties of sugar for his New York Times bestseller Fat Chance, Dr. Robert Lustig made an alarming discovery—our pursuit of happiness is being subverted by a culture of addiction and depression from which we may never recover.
Dopamine is the “reward” neurotransmitter that tells our brains we want more; yet every substance or behavior that releases dopamine in the extreme leads to addiction.
Serotonin is the “contentment” neurotransmitter that tells our brains we don’t need any more; yet its deficiency leads to depression.
Ideally, both are in optimal supply. But dopamine evolved to overwhelm serotonin—because our ancestors were more likely to survive if they were constantly motivated—with the result that constant desire can chemically destroy our ability to feel happiness, while sending us down the slippery slope to addiction.
Extraterrestrial mystery above Cusco found? - What are these ancient handbags?
In the last 40 years, government legislation and subsidies have promoted ever-available temptation (sugar, drugs, social media, porn) combined with constant stress (work, home, money, Internet), with the end result of an unprecedented epidemic of addiction, anxiety, depression, and chronic disease.
And with the advent of neuromarketing, corporate America has successfully imprisoned us in an endless loop of desire and consumption from which there is no obvious escape. More
Predicting the market's hard, beating it impossible
The Number One business in America used to be Apple Corporation, the iPhone, iPad, iTamp slave factory owner, but it was shoved out of the way by the computer chip company Nvidia. That is until yesterday, when China released DeepSeek, a very cheap A.I. search function. That release by the CCP crashed Nvidia, taking it down the farthest a company has ever fallen financially since the last time Nvidia fell (about $250 billion that time). That's what Wall Street calls volatility. To invest or not invest? Hotshots have the most exposure to upswing, but the down draft burns them up when they crash. At least Apple is stable, however irresponsible or amoral the corporation may be. What's GM up to? What about other war stocks? Big Pharma? There's another "flu" on the horizon, and if we call it a "Covid," that means big money for companies already making big money on new allopathic drugs like esketamine ("Spravato"). Caveat emptor.
Is "brainrot" real? It must be. It was the word of the year. It hasn't affected us. Effected? What were we saying? Hold on, the phone is vibrating. Uh, what's happening? Oh, there was this funny one...uh, this, umm, hey, what's up? Digital gurlfrynd, Gemini-Siri-Alexa, what's brain rot?
Trump's wild debate conspiracies, former Republican leaders for Democrat Kamala, MAGA fashion show, and iPhone prank
(Jimmy Kimmel Live)
Sept. 18, 2024: The Golden Bachelorette premiered on ABC and there are a bunch of great characters in it, things are looking up for Kamala Harris as a new poll has her leading by 6 points, Trump is still busy trying to convince everyone that he won the debate by throwing around tons of conspiracies, 111 former Republican national security officials and members of Congress published a letter today endorsing Kamala, after the attempt at an assassination attempt on Sunday the Secret Service has again informed Trump that if he wants to continue to play golf they need to boost their presence, the mayor of Springfield, Ohio, is saying that a visit from Trump would be an extreme strain on local resources, Trump supporters held what they called “The America First Patriotic Designer Showcase” in Long Island last night, and JKL tricks pedestrians into believing their old iPhones are the new iPhones. #Kimmel
Audience members leave rally as Trump gives incoherent answers on manufacturing, food: A Closer Look
(Late Night with Seth Meyers) Sept. 18, 2024: Seth Meyer takes a closer look at Trump giving a series of incoherent answers when asked at a town hall how he would save manufacturing jobs and bring down grocery prices. Anger at Taylor Swift, Kamala, and everyone who crosses him.
Welcome to the Surveillance State, Winston. - I didn't sign up for this, Big Brother! - Don't you remember clicking on the consent form? - That gobbledygook of Legalese? - It's legally binding. We sell your data to government agencies, so they protect us.
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Big Brother (MZ) is always watching.
Want to freak out? Let’s look at just how much of our information evil corporations like Mark Zuckerberg's Facebook and a corporation's Google scan and store about us without us even realizing it.
Google knows where we’ve been. Google stores our location (if we have location tracking turned on for convenience and functionality) every time we turn on your phone (even though it listens and can hear perfectly well when "off").
We can see a timeline of where we’ve been from the very first day we started using Google on our phone, which does not come as a choice on Android. [Tracking by Apple, Inc. is done with Safari and other programs.]
Google spying: tracking me throughout Ireland
Anyone can click on this link to see his or her own data: google.com/maps/timeline?Here is every place I have been in the last 12 months in Ireland. Spies can see the time of day that I was at each location and how long it took me to get to that location from my previous one. More: organicallyhuman.com
Dylan Curran (organicalyhuman.com), Aug. 20, 2024; Pat Macpherson, Dhr. Seven (eds.), Wisdom Quarterly
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