How to win friends: Can an app fix the "friendship recession"?
How to make friends and be an influencer
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| I have no idea why people follow me |
TRANSCRIPT
HOST SCOTT SIMON: Many of the old places where friendships formed -- the office, houses of worship, maybe the VFW [Veterans of Foreign Wars, a.k.a. degenerate bars] -- may have become less central to people's lives.
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| Just react to things with opinions! |
BYLINE LESLIE MCCLURG: When Jen Hobbs moved to Oakland last summer, she assumed friends would come naturally at the coffee shop or after an exercise class, but six months in...
JEN HOBBS: And on New Year's, I was kind of reflecting on things, and I realized I still don't have any friends.
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| Talk about fitness on TikTok with a hot bod! |
But instead of swiping for lovers, you're swiping for pals. Others, like Timeleft [or Friend Cult], go further by matching users with like-minded strangers for a meal. [SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED RECORDING]
UNIDENTIFIED COMMENTATOR: In restaurants across the country [LAUGHTER] total strangers are gathering for conversation and community over shared meals. More
- We’re not a social club, we’re a Friend Cult™ -- a weekly, Oakland-based gathering that makes it easier to see friends. No more text tag, no more calendar Tetris, no more doomscrolling. Just show up and hang out — like it used to be. See friends. Eat food. Feel better. Die happy.
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Mr. Beast, what's an "influencer"?
(Blood and Alibis) Deny everything? Ego and influencing can get way out of control. Woe.
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| Mr. Beast is the biggest influencer |
This ability is either inherent to one's personality or is completely constructed by others for some benefit: social, personal, or economical [1].
The term "influencer" is used in media, business, religion, politics, and communication, referring to folks like social media influencers, podcasters, public speakers, religious influencers, writers, and newsletter writers who have dedicated followings [2, 3].
One writer defines influencers as those "who exercise influence over the organization and its potential customers" [4]. Another defines them as someone "who significantly shapes the customer's purchasing decision" [5]. According to another writer, influencers are "well-connected, create an impact, have active minds, and are trendsetters" [6].
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| What does every American want? |
Just because someone has many followers does not necessarily mean that person has much influence over them [7, 8].
In contemporary usage, it means a social media influencer [9, 10, 11] or an online influencer [12, 13, 14] who builds a grassroots online presence through engaging content such as photos, videos, and updates.
This is done by using direct audience interaction to establish authenticity, expertise, and appeal by standing apart from traditional celebrities by growing a platform through social media rather than pre-existing fame [15, 16].
The modern term is commonly a paid role in which a business entity pays for social media influence-for-hire activity to promote products and services, known as influencer marketing [17].
As such, an influencer effectively acts as a modern salesperson or a marketer. A 1% increase in spending on influencer marketing can lead to a 0.5% increase in audience engagement [18] for a company or corporation.
Types include fashion influencer, travel influencer, virtual influencer, content creators [19, 20, 21], and streamers [22, 23, 24]. More
How to Win Friends and Influence People
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| How to be an influencer? Keep talking until someone breaks your jaw like Jake? Read a book? |
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This classic self-help book written by Dale Carnegie came out in 1936. Worldwide, over 30 million copies have been sold since, making it one of the best-selling books of all time [1, 2].
Dale Carnegie had been conducting business courses in New York since 1912 [3]. In 1934, Leon Shimkin (Simon & Schuster) took one of Carnegie's 14-week courses on human relations and public speaking. He later persuaded Carnegie to let a stenographer take notes from the course to be revised for publication [3].
The initial 5,000 copies of the book sold exceptionally well, going through 17 editions in the first year [3]. In 1981, a revised edition containing updated language and anecdotes was released [4]. The revised edition reduced the number of sections from six to four, eliminating sections on effective business letters and improving marital satisfaction. In 2011, it was Number 19 on Time's List of the 100 Most Influential Nonfiction Books [5]. In 2022, a newly revised edition was published.
Author Dale Carnegie
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| I know what people want (Carnegie) |
Dale Carnegie began his career teaching night classes at a NY YMCA, later expanding to YMCAs in Philadelphia and Baltimore [6]. He then taught independently at hotels in London, Paris, New York, Boston, Philadelphia, and Baltimore, writing small booklets to go along with his courses [7].
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| When evolution gets us |
After one of his 14-week courses, publisher Leon Shimkin of Simon & Schuster approached him [8]. Shimkin urged Carnegie to write a book, but he was not initially persuaded. Shimkin then hired a stenographer to type up one of Carnegie's long lectures and presented that transcript to Carnegie [9], who edited and revised it into its final form [10].
To market the book, Shimkin sent 500 copies to former graduates of the Dale Carnegie Course, with a note that pointed out the utility of the book for refreshing students with the advice they had learned [11]: 141.
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| Or just work out until you have a hot bod. See? |
The 500 mailed copies brought orders for over 5,000 more copies, so Simon & Schuster had to quickly increase the original print order of 1,200 [11]: 142. Shimkin also ran a full-page ad in the New York Times complete with quotes by Andrew Carnegie and John D. Rockefeller on the importance of human relations [12].
Originally published in Nov. 1936, the book reached the New York Times best-seller list by the end of the year and stayed on it for the next two years [11]: 141.
Simon & Schuster continued to advertise the book, relying heavily on testimonials as well as the testable approach the book offered [12]. More
- Lesley McClurg, Weekend Edition Saturday, NPR.org, Culture, July 25, 2026, 4-minute listen; BONEM (BONËM) "One More Time"; Can an app fix the ‘friendship recession’?; Dale Carnegie's classic book; Crystal Q, CC Liu (eds.), Wisdom Quarterly
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