Narrow is a Fragile Heart: Western nun

Episode 62: A Narrow Heart is a Fragile Heart | How to Stop Feeling So Alone

 

(Handful OfLeaves) Handful of Leaves Podcast. Support British Bhutanese Vajrayana Buddhist nun Ani Pema Deki's charity fundraiser: openingyourhearttobhutan.com.

• Buddhism in Bhutan

"Opening Your Heart to Bhutan" is a registered UK charity, whose work is providing education, medicine, and shelter to children facing the greatest challenges in Bhutan.

In this episode, Lopen Ani Pema Deki (Ven. Emma Slade) — a former London investment banker who left after a near-death experience in Jakarta (Indonesia) to ordain as a Buddhist nun high in the Himalayas of Bhutan — explores what it means to widen the heart and become truly unbreakable.

She contrasts fleeting, manufactured happiness with the effortless joy that arises from practice, explains how small acts of kindness build resilience, and reflects on faith, karma, and why some people in Bhutan seem less vulnerable to life's ups and downs.

Perfect for listeners curious about practical spirituality, courage, and living with greater purpose.

Key Takeaways:

• 🧭 Choose Liberation, Not Comfort — Why training the mind matters, and how practice aims for freedom from samsara rather than temporary ease.
• 💫 Real Joy vs. Manufactured Bliss — The difference between practice-born joy (stable, effortless) and short-lived worldly pleasures.
• 🤝 Small Acts, Big Heart — Two-minute kindnesses, widening our circle of care, and the role of faith/teacher in sustaining practice.

⏱Timestamps:

• (00:00) – Introduction to Lopen Ani Pema Deki (Ven. Emma Slade), former banker turned Buddhist nun
• (01:00) – The challenge of practicing Dharma in a busy modern life
• (02:31) – Are we seeking comfort in samsara or liberation?
• (02:51) – What happiness really means from a Buddhist perspective
• (03:40) – Joy and bliss: natural results of Dharma practice vs. worldly joy
• (05:28) – Reflections on Bhutan and why happiness can’t be measured easily
• (06:20) – Mental resilience and faith in Bhutanese life
• (07:17) – Small daily acts of kindness in a busy life
• (07:53) – Expanding motivation beyond yourself and loved ones
• (08:52) – Why bother about anyone else besides your loved ones?
• (09:20) – Why widening your heart supports resilience
• (10:24) – The Bodhisattva path: stretching beyond your comfort zone
• (11:14) – How British Lopen Ani Pema Deki (Ven. Emma Slade) became a Buddhist and later a Buddhist nun
• (11:40) – Meeting her teacher in Bhutan
• (12:24) – Moments of clarity and deep spiritual connection
• (14:27) – Karma and how Lopen Ani Pema Deki (Ven. Emma Slade)’s path ripened in Bhutan
• (15:18) – Sneak preview of Part 2

ABOUT THE SPEAKER: 👤 Lopen Ani Pema Deki (Venerable Emma Slade) was born in Kent, England, and was educated at Cambridge University and the University of London, where she gained a First-Class degree. She is a qualified Chartered Financial Analyst (CFA) and worked in Fund Management in London, New York, and Hong Kong. A deep-seated yearning to enquire into the deeper aspects of humanity arose following a life-changing business trip to Jakarta, where she was held hostage at gunpoint. She resigned from her financial career and began exploring yoga and meditation and methods of wellbeing with the ultimate aim of turning a traumatic episode into wisdom and conditions for thriving. She qualified as a British Wheel of Yoga teacher in 2003 and, over the last 19 years, has run numerous yoga workshops and retreats. ​ Her interest in Buddhism as a science of the mind strengthened after meeting a Buddhist lama (teacher) on her first visit to Bhutan in 2011.

This crucial chance meeting led to her studying Buddhism with this lama and, eventually, led to her becoming the first and only Western woman to be ordained in the last Himalayan [Buddhist] Kingdom of Bhutan as a Buddhist nun. #OpeningYourHeart #BuddhistWisdom #MindfulLiving #FaithAndPractice

• 📄 Transcript: bit.ly/hol-ep-62

Resources:

• Lopen Ani Pema Deki (Ven. Emma Slade) website: emmaslade.com
• Lopen Ani Pema Deki (Ven. Emma Slade) charity fundraiser: openingyourhearttobhutan.com

Special thanks to sponsors:

Buddhist Youth Network, Lim Soon Kiat, Alvin Chan, Tan Key Seng, Soh Hwee Hoon, Geraldine Tay, Venerable You Guang, Wilson Ng, Diga, Joyce, Tan Jia Yee, Joanne, Suñña, Shuo Mei, Arif, Bernice, Wee Teck, Andrew Yam, Kan Rong Hui, Wei Li Quek, Shirley Shen, Ezra, Joanne Chan, Hsien Li Siaw, Gillian Ang, Wang Shiow Mei, Ong Chye Chye, Melvin, Yoke Kuen, Nai Kai Lee, Amelia Toh, Hannah Law, Shin Hui Chong, Dennis Lee

• 🙏 Become a sponsor: handfulofleaves.life/support

🎬 Editor: Hong Jiayi ✍️ Transcribers: Cheryl Cheah, Tan Si Jing, Bernice Bay 🎨 Visuals and Sound: Anton Thorne, Tan Pei Shan, Ang You Shan 📱 Get connected: Telegram: bit.ly/hol-telegram. Instagram: bit.ly/hol-instagram-podcast. Facebook bit.ly/hol-facebook-podcast. Spotify spoti.fi/3w2jfQ1.

• Handful OfLeaves, Sept. 23, 2025; Dhr. Seven, Amber Larson, Ananda (Dharma Buddhist Meditation), Jen B. (eds.), Wisdom Quarterly, orig. 12/19/25

Most dangerous Buddhism: Vajrayana?

What is a vajra, the basis of this vehicle?

(Buddha's Wisdom) The most DANGEROUS path in Buddhism: is VAJRAYANA the fastest path to enlightenment? [Or a mishmash of pre-Buddhist Bon black magic shamanism, Brahminical Hinduism, Esoteric yogic practices, and a slew of East Asian Mahayana teachings in an imperial Himalayan context?] See details

• Vajrayana Buddhism

The Buddha taught magic?

Vajrayāna (Sanskrit वज्रयान, lit. "Diamond Vehicle" or "Thunderbolt Vehicle"), otherwise known as Mantra-yāna ("Mantra Vehicle"), Guhya-mantra-yāna ("Secret Mantra Vehicle"), Tantra-yāna ("Tantra Vehicle"), Indo-Tibetan Buddhism, Tantric Buddhism, and Esoteric Buddhism, is a vehicle (yāna) in the larger Mahāyāna Buddhist tradition.

It emphasizes esoteric practices and rituals aimed at rapid spiritual awakening. Emerging between the 5th and 7th centuries CE in medieval India [1, 2], Vajrayāna Buddhism incorporates a range of techniques.

These include the use of mantras (sacred sounds), dhāraṇīs (mnemonic codes), mudrās (symbolic hand gestures), mandalās (spiritual diagrams), [yoga asanas (spiritual positions, "seats," postures)], and the visualization of deities (devas) and buddhas. More

• Religion in Tibet
• Tibetan Buddhism
• Buddhism in Russia
• Buddhism in Mongolia
• Buddhism in Nepal
• Buddhism in Bhutan
• Schools of Buddhism
• Buddha's Wisdom, April 27, 2026; Eds., Wisdom Quarterly Wiki edit

The Tibetan Nuns Project (Himalayas)

PemaChodronFoundation.org; Crystal Quintero, Dhr. Seven (eds.), Wisdom Quarterly

.

I'm going to win debates like Bhaddhaka...

The Pema Chodron Foundation is happy to support:

The Tibetan Nuns Project (TNP.org) provides education and humanitarian aid to refugee nuns from Tibet and the Himalayan regions of India.
 

Our support will help provide training programs to educate, empower, and improve the status of ordained Tibetan women.
 

The Pema Chodron Foundation is happy to specifically support the annual month-long inter-nunnery debating session called Jang Gonchoe.

This practice of debate combines logical thinking with a deeper understanding of Buddhist philosophy and is an essential part of monastic education in the Tibetan tradition.

The debate training helps not only to preserve the Tibetan culture, but provides the nuns with the opportunity to learn from a centuries-old tradition which will enable and empower them to become great teachers in their own right.

The benefit of this is immeasurable and will create an enduring legacy for generations to come.

The Deboche Project was formed in 2006 by a group of individuals concerned about the Tibetan and Sherpa nuns who reside in Deboche Convent in Nepal. Their goal now is... More

• Learn more about the Tibetan Nuns Project

Female spirituality in Buddhism (TEDx video)

CC Liu, Ashley Wells, Dhr. Seven (eds.), Wisdom Quarterly; Drukmo Gyal Dakini, Tibet, Emma Slade, Bhutan (TEDx); Gen Kelsang Nyema at TEDx Greenville, South Carolina, UNZIPPED

The Buddha taught Ananda that females were in every way able to attain what males can.

(TEDxTartu) "Female in Buddhism," Drukmo Gyal Dakini, Dec. 22, 2016

Yogini Drukmo Gyal Dakini shares a 17:00 minute speech on how to bring back harmony between mother and child under the guidance of Buddhist teachings. She discusses the value of females in Buddhism.

Green Tara (Vajrayana goddess)

Drukmo Gyal is from Northeastern Tibet. She is from a Tibetan yogi family where mantra, yoga, and meditation are introduced from the family's lineage with the support of the Tibetan yogi community.

Drukmo Gyal came to Europe in 2014 and worked for the International Academy for Traditional Tibetan Medicine (TTM), which was founded by Dr. Nida Chenagtsang more than 10 years ago. There is a TTM sub-academy in Estonia.
 

The Buddha on womanhood (about.com)

She is also a Tibetan mantra singer, who has published two mantra albums in recent years and started touring the world. During her stay in Estonia she not only performed in concert halls but in addition also offered free concerts in hospitals, convalescent homes, senior citizen centers with great Estonian musicians like Taavi Peterson, Joosep Kõrvits, and Leho Rubis.

She is a spiritual guide according to the Yuthok Nyingthig tradition (Essential Heart Teaching of Yuthok, the father of TTM). Many people who felt a connection with this teaching were able to study and practice it, she says of Yuthok Nyingthi. This talk was given as a TEDx event in the TED format independently organized by a local community.
 
My path to becoming a Western Buddhist

Lisa, why don't you shut up about Buddhism? We're trying to watch America's Got Talent.

(TEDxSevenOaksSchool) "My Path to Becoming a Buddhist," Emma Slade, Feb. 6, 2017
 
Emma Slade, author of Set Free: A Life-Changing Journey from Banking to Buddhism in Bhutan and founder of the charity Opening Your Heart to Bhutan, talks about her path to Buddhism and the situation she found herself in that caused this change.

Ani (Vajrayana nun) was previously a successful investment banker. She talks about the dichotomy between her previous occupation and her current life as a nun and how this allowed her to view the world in a fresh light.

She was born in Kent, England, and educated at universities in Cambridge and London. She had an exciting international career in finance, which she was committed to with mental drive and a smart selection of business suits. But a deep-seated desire to inquire into the deeper aspects of what it is to be human was brought to the surface following a life-altering, near-death visit to Jakarta, Indonesia.

She resigned from her career and began traveling and exploring yoga and meditation. Since then she has been teaching yoga and meditation, now going on more than 15 years, and she has continued to deepen a life-long interest in Buddhism.

Happiness is all in your mind

"Happiness is all in your mind," Gen Kelsang Nyema at TEDx Greenville UNZIPPED, April 11, 2014, convened at the Kroc Center in Greenville, South Carolina.
 

TEDx Talks

Simple, profound truths are the realm of this Buddhist nun. Her message? The gift of happiness truly resides in our hearts and minds. Gen Kelsang Nyema, exuding a peace that immediately connects with the audience, starts by asking three questions:

1. Are you having a good day?
2. Why?
3. Tomorrow, would you rather have a good day or a bad day?

You mean happiness was always my choice?

She teaches that we cannot put our happiness at the whim of other people and external circumstances. If we want to be happy, we have to "stop outsourcing our happiness to other people" and cultivate a source of inner peace. What happens next is quite astounding.

The whole crowd of 350+ people proceeds to meditate with Nyema. There's a little squirming at first, but as she leads the audience through a calm citation of how to rest the mind, audience members feel a collective relaxation flow into the room and through the crowd. It's fascinating, refreshing!

US female lawmakers allege sexual harassment by colleagues in House of Representatives.

Help amplify the voices of indigenous women (culturalsurvival.org)

Relationships and "Bodhicitta" (video)

Amber Larson, Wisdom Quarterly; Western nun Ven. Thubten Chodron (sravasti.org)

(Sravasti Abbey) Ven. Thubten Chodron interviewed by Asian "Buddhist Television Network"

 

Lay practitioner meditation (la.shambhala.org)

Enlightenment-mind and Relationships are the twin topics of Ven. Thubten Chodron's Dharma talk delivered at the Buddhist Library in Singapore. In another talk in 2010 in Idaho, Sravasti Abbey brought us a talk about Kindness and Forgiveness. How is this ani (Tibetan Buddhist nun or gelongma) able to speak with such authority? She is not, regardless of her name, related to famous Shambhala Buddhist nun Pema Chodron. She ordained in 1977, making her part of the first generation of Western monastic practitioners in America. That length and depth of practice put her in touch with the Dharma, as a Westerner would approach and apprehend it. Her own meditative calm and broad study allows her to pass the teachings on to subsequent generations of Westerners and displaced Tibetans.

(Peaceful1987) A wonderful Dharma talk by American Buddhist nun Thubten Chodron

• Typhoon Haiyan, strongest cyclone of 2013, kills 100+

"Be Your Own Therapist" (video)

Wisdom Quarterly; Ven. Robina Courtin (Buddhist nun), Google Tech Talks, October 3, 2008


ABSTRACT: We spend our lives being seduced by the outside world, believing without question that happiness and suffering come from "out there." In reality, Buddhist teachings explain that they come from the way we perceive and interpret things, not the things themselves.

This deeply held misconception is at the root of our dissatisfaction, self-doubt, anger, depression, anxiety, and the rest. But our minds can change. By becoming deeply familiar with the workings of our own cognitive processes through introspection and learning to deconstruct them -- truly, by being our own therapists -- we can loosen the grip of these neuroses and grow our marvelous potential for contentment, clarity, and courage, which are at the core of our being.

Venerable Robina Courtin has been a Tibetan Buddhist nun for 35 years. A beloved teacher and power-house personality, the venerable nun is Executive Director of Liberation Prison Project, based in San Francisco (LiberationPrisonProject.org)

A lifeline for people with nothing and no one since 1996, the Liberation Prison Project has supported the spiritual practice of over 15,000 prisoners, mainly in the US and Australia. These days, the project spends $50,000 a month, nearly half of it on salaries and benefits for a full-time staff of ten (eight in the US and two in Australia, including three former prisoners), supported by a team of 150+ volunteers worldwide.

Ven. Robina travels the world, teaching and raising funds, touching countless hearts and minds with her down-to-earth, no-nonsense packaging of the Buddha's teachings, often filled with tasty stories from her own real-life struggles, attachments, and relationships. She is able to put across to her students in and out of prison that change is possible; everyone can learn to develop qualities to be joyful in the face of difficulties -- even on death row.

"Ven. Robina has taught me to look at everything that occurs in my life with a different view," writes one Australian prisoner. "She has given me dignity, courage, and honor."

"Fear and Fearlessness" (Pema Chödrön)

Wisdom Quarterly; Pema Chodron (SoundsTrue.com)

 

(Free Weekly Wisdom) Pema Chödrön describes a liberating way to relate to our fears -- not as something to try to get rid of or cast out, but as something to become very intimate with. In so doing, she explains, we come to find that the journey of knowing FEAR is in fact the journey of courage. From this wisdom, we learn to embrace the fullness of our experience in life. More

Kung fu nuns teach CERN scientists

Robert Evans, Reuters (via CalgaryHerald.com); Wisdom Quarterly

Lama, center, poses with accompanying kung fu trained nuns (anis) at the European Organization for Nuclear Research in Meyrin, near Geneva (Valentin Flauraud/Reuters).

  

LHC at CERN (ts-dep.web.cern.ch)

GENEVA, Switzerland - A dozen kung fu nuns from an Asian Buddhist order displayed their martial arts prowess to bemused scientists at CERN this week as their [Tibetan] spiritual leader explained how their energy was like that of the cosmos.

  

The nuns, all from the [Indian] Himalayan region, struck poses of hand-chops, high-kicks, and punches on Thursday while touring the research center where physicists at the frontiers of science are probing the origins of the universe.

  

“Men and women carry different energy,” said His Holiness [the 12th] Gyalwang Drukpa, [Jigme Pema Wangchen,] a monk who ranks only slightly below the Dalai Lama in the global Buddhist hierarchy. “Both male and female energies are needed to better the world.”

  

ATLAS empowering women (msnbc.msn.com)

This, he said, was a scientific principle “as fundamental as the relationship between the sun and the moon” and its importance was similar to that of the particle collisions in CERN’s vast “Big Bang” machine, the Large Hadron Collider (LHC).

  

The nuns, mostly slim and fit-looking teenagers with shaven heads and clad in flowing burgundy robes, nodded sagely. More

Tibetan Buddhist "Daughters of Dolma" (film)

Justin Whitaker (American Buddhist Perspective); DaughtersOfDolma.com

(DaughtersOfDolma)

A group of enterprising and engaged students from St. Andrews in Scotland journeyed to Nepal with a mission to create a feature-length documentary on contemporary Tibetan Buddhist nuns.

We took our bags and camera to Nepal in June, 2011 to make a film about nuns. Through this film we want to depict them as full human beings beyond their spirituality and red robes.

We also want to question many misinformed assumptions about monastic life and offer another perspective through the nuns’ own personal narratives.

Most of all, we want to show that they are unique individuals, bound together by their vows yet differentiated from each other by their unique personalities and backgrounds. This film will...be released in Spring 2012 but the official film trailer is ready.

We may just be a group of six undergraduates, but our dreams are high. We are determined to produce a masterpiece that will set a higher standard for what a group of passionate and forward-looking undergraduates can collectively produce. More

• Facebook: Daughters of Dolma, The Spiritual Journey of Buddhist Nuns in Nepal
  

The Singing Buddhist Nun of Nepal (video)

(NTDTV)

Anna Chan, News Anchor: Rather than just relying on prayer, a Buddhist nun is using her voice to help needy Nepalis in one of the world's poorest countries. The nun is funding her school for orphans by singing her way into the international charts.

"Buddha Boy" of Nepal (Daily Show)

Ani Choying Dolma, a 37-year-old Tibetan-Nepali known as Nepal's "singing nun," has soared to global fame with her eight albums of Tibetan and Sanskrit meditation songs. She has performed more than 50 concerts in Europe, Asia, and the United States, and more are lined up for 2008 in Germany.

Sanskrit Ganesha Mantra

[Ani Choying Dolma, Singing Nun]: "The singing part comes just somehow. I did not really plan for it, but somehow it came up. It happened and then once I realized the benefit of using my own skill or whatever I'm blessed with and to be able to use it for the benefit of others. So I feel more productive."

Arya Tara School activities (choying.com)

The income from her CD sales has helped Dolma build the Arya Tara School, which has 58 students drawn from poor Nepali families, including some from neighboring India and Tibet. They study Buddhist philosophy, Tibetan language, English, and mathematics. Young nuns also learn the art of Thangka wall painting.

Dolma was later encouraged to sing by an American musician who was impressed when he heard her humming. But since her debut in 1998, Dolma has never turned back. Her CDs included "Cho," "Dancing Dakini," "Choying," "Moments of Bliss," "Selwa," "Smile," and her most recent, "Inner Peace." Some of her songs have also featured in the well-known "Buddha Bar" collection.

Ani Dolma walking through Kathmandu (choying.com)

[Ani Choying Dolma, Singing Nun]: "That CD actually established me in the international music field. I should say, as a Buddhist nun, as a singer. 'The singing nun,' as they call me."

All of the proceeds from Dolma's record sales and performances go directly into the Nuns Welfare Foundation.

Dolma also longs for peace in Nepal, which is just emerging from a decade-long Maoist civil war and years of political unrest.

Sanskrit Mantra of Great Compassion

Buddhist Nunnery

After a beautiful one hour hike through the forests near Reting, one arrives at Samtenling Nunnery and its spectacular view. The Anis (Buddhist nuns) are very friendly. They love having their pictures taken -- as long as you show it to them afterwards!

В Тибет !! путешествие докторов)) оператор Саша Панфилов!

• Part 1 • Part 3