Psychologist shares 5 exercises she does to 'stop overthinking everything'
As a clinical psychologist, I've spent 14 years teaching people how to regulate their emotions and cope with difficult situations.
One of the biggest issues my clients struggle with is overthinking. It's an exhausting habit that can turn a stressful challenge into even more anxiety.
- [It's magnified and amplified in sitting meditation, when we're trying to let go and just let things be. The habit of rumination takes over the show and just won't let go! That restlessness and worry is called "monkey mind," perhaps the most distressing of the Five Hindrances, obstacles to blissful stillness. "Meditation" does not mean controlling the mind. It means no longer letting the mind control us. Overthinking, over intellectualizing, paralysis-by-analysis are all pointless upsets that squander energy better spent on calm and insight. We need a reset.]
Here are
five things I do when I need to stop overthinking everything:
1. Recognize when I tend to overthink
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| Shiva, when do you tend to overthink? |
The first and most important step is pattern recognition.
What times of the day do I get lost in my worries? Do I notice physical signs, like clenching my jaw? Are there negative themes that come up again and again in my head?
Then I reflect on when I am less prone to rumination, even when something difficult happens. I might worry less when I go to the gym after work, or when I listen to a funny podcast [or soothing music] on my commute.
Arming myself with these details can help me be prepared with strategies as soon as I notice the warning signs.
2. Get some distance from myself
A big reason why overthinking when I am upset backfires is because it immerses me even more in whatever I'm going through.
The next time I notice myself sinking into fruitless rumination, try to see the bigger picture. This strategy is called "
self-distancing."
I observe whatever difficult experience I am ruminating about as if I were a fly on the wall, [depersonalizing] rather [being] than directly involved. Taking a step back can provide the perspective I need to feel like I can change the channel.
3. Swap 'why' with 'how'
The simplest way to replace negative thoughts with more constructive thinking is to shift from asking "Why?" questions (like "Why me?") to "How?" questions (like "How can I move forward?") Notice the difference: "Why" is a dead end, whereas "how" leads to productive action.
If I went on a date, for example, and the person didn't message me after what seemed like a great time, rather than ponder why, I focus on how I can create a relaxing night for myself.
By doing this, I consciously shift from unproductive ruminating to empowered planning.
4. Write it out
When I need to process my feelings or an experience, instead of overthinking, I practice
expressive writing.
I do this exercise over the course of three days:
- Day 1: Spend 15 to 20 minutes writing about the stress and trauma that is plaguing me.
- Day 2: Write about how the experience has affected me.
- Day 3: Describe how the experience relates to my current life and what I want for the future.
This practice has been shown to help reduce symptoms of depression, even weeks or months later.
Researchers say it's because
writing can help us go deeper into our emotions, while also creating some distance and an end point.
5. Reschedule overthinking
To make my overthinking feel less compulsive, I consciously postpone it until later. I give myself 10 minutes to ruminate about a problem at 7:00 pm every night then move on.
Another bonus is that there's a good chance that I'll get so caught up in my day or evening that I'll forget to return to my worries at the appointed time. When I become conscious of them, I'll be able to see my thoughts with more perspective.
When I want to avoid the debilitating all-day background buzz of rumination, I instead turn overthinking into something more contained. This way I give myself some freedom and power back.
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